From: chris lloyd <chrislloyd@videotron.ca>
Date: Wed Dec 1, 2004 11:19:39 PM America/Montreal
To: pm@pm.gc.ca
Subject: U.S. President Bush makes bold pitch for missile defence shield, Bush demande au Canada de prendre part au projet de bouclier antimissile
Cher Paul,
Je n’etais pas bien passer le jour ajourd ‘hui. Je pense que je ne suis pas ébéniste. Le patron a hurlé fort a moi quel que fois, parce que je n’ai connaissé pas bien des taches. Mais, c’etait pas moi suellement, il a hurlé a Francois et Elwin aussi, et je pense que c’est normal. Le patron, Vincent, c’etait gentile surtout les temps, excépté quand il a fâché. Francoise sera enrôler dans l’armée la semaine prochaine, parce que il veut conduire un tank. Je pense que je vais dire lui le histoire qunad j’etais dans l’armée et quand j’ai fait l’accident avec deux camions.
Claudine est resté chez moi hier soir, mais elle a dormi mal, en cause du mes chats. Specifiquement, des a poil. Elle a pris un taxi a cinq heurre pour revenir chez elle, parce que elle ne peut pas souffle bien. Mauvais chatons!
Nous avons essayé a voir Spider-man pour le deuxieme soir en direct, mais tout editions c’etait louer deja. J’ai loué The Manchurian Candidate plutôt, l’original, mais nous avons tombé en dormir. Pas finnisons la.
Il faut que je preparerais pour mon preséntation dans classe demain, mais j’ai faim, en fatigant aussi. Premier chose: il faut que je nettoyerais les toilettes du chatons.
Vincent seems keen that I work Saturday, so I’ll be there at least the rest of the week. Then, perhaps a break from work, the daily grind, is in order. I need to put other things in order.
Je suis triste parce que je n’ai participé pas dans le manifestations hier a Ottawa, mais, est ce qu’il accompli quel que chose? Un ami a me envoyé un couriell par Jack Layton a George Bush, que j’aime. Ici, lisez:
Excerpts from an open letter to President George W. Bush from federal NDP Leader Jack Layton:
I was proud to be part of the peace movement that helped convince former Prime Minister Chrétien to keep Canada out of the war on Iraq. More than 100,000 people have since died, and yet despite the correctness of global opposition to the invasion, your administration shows few signs of working with the world on meaningful efforts to make us all safer.
First, we must collectively fight the looming catastrophe of climate change and the underlying dependence on oil. Unless we move swiftly towards renewable energy and energy efficiency, growing demand and dwindling supply of fossil fuels will increase conflict – and exacerbate the human tragedy and upheaval climate change creates.
This is an imminent threat, and on environmental policy your administration and ours must change course. Canada, it should be noted, is in no position to lecture on this issue since our record on climate-changing pollution is actually worse than your own.
Second, new generations of nuclear and space weapons make our world unsafe. This month, Russia announced new nuclear weapons in response to missile defence; China is inevitably next. Weapons of mass destruction are dangerous in anyone’s hands, and the world would be safer if your
administration abandoned new nuclear weapon development and Star Wars, which leading scientists say will never work.
Your administration sends the wrong message by abandoning arms control treaties while demanding other countries adhere to them. I also believe with the growing scourge of global poverty, nations with resources should invest in alleviating that poverty and encouraging sustainable development. We should not spend a trillion dollars on Star Wars when we could invest in fighting the poverty and desperation that provides fertile ground for terrorists.
Here, you need to be aware Mr. Martin does not speak for Canadians. His
support for missile defence runs counter to our tradition of multilateral
peacekeeping, and it is incompatible with Canadian values for us to join a
weapons system that could only be pursued if arms control treaties were
abandoned.
I urge you to outline to Mr. Martin the full scope of missile defence, which
your administration’s documents and officials clearly say weaponizes space. For two years, he has incredibly refused to look at the facts, and your meeting with him provides a crucial opportunity for his voluntary ignorance to end.
Lastly, it is important Congress moves to embrace fairness for Canada’s
softwood and beef industries. The tariffs and border closures do not
reflect fair trade principles or science, and harm economies on both sides
of our border.
Sincerely,
Jack Layton, MP
Leader of the NDP
J’espoir que tu lis attentivement, aussi.
-chris
From: chris lloyd <chrislloyd@videotron.ca>
Date: Sun Dec 5, 2004 11:27:54 PM America/Montreal
To: pm@pm.gc.ca
Subject: Martin says Canada ready to help train election workers, monitor vote in Iraq, Les Québécois aiment les parties du temps des Fêtes, mais pas toutes
Dear Paul,
J’avais un bizarre fin de semaine a travaille. Samedi j’ai brisé le scie de table quand j’ai essayé changer la lame. C’etait pas grave; Vincent a réparé aujourd’hui. Mais, il est parti deja, donc je suis parti aussi, et rencontre aujourd’hui pour fini le tache. Which I screwed up a bit, making more cuts than necessary while compiling the pieces for the next cabinet. And some weren’t square, but I blame the table saw for that.
Last night I rented “What’s up Tiger Lilly” to watch at SJMs. Sarah R. and I both fell asleep. The interest in the joke at the heat of the movie wears off after about ten minutes. She’d also played a soccer match where she scored the winning goal and garnered the MVP of the game. Elle a aussi acheté un nouvelle ordinateur, le G4 Powerbook. Douce. I helped her set it up and got her wireless internet running. Both she and Jessie have it, they are getting internet access from somewhere in their building, or from neighbours close by. I should get an airport card for mine. On my way home I managed to misplace the movie, it hasn’t turned up here or there or the video store in between. My neighbours were loud when I got home (sometimes they have these late-night discussions about art and experimental music, notes of which sometimes drift up), I slept with my earplugs in. Which always seems to cause me to have weird dreams.
Claudine and I spent the latter part of the afternoon together and finally watched Spider-man 2 together, which was fun. Had a small supper with her before she headed out to a music show at the Tulipe with her friend Olivier.
Did laundry tonight at SJM and watched a bit of TV. Has the quality of most shows declined drastically over the past few years or am I just out of the loop? Even the discovery channel seems to have trouble pulling a decent story together. Came home and cleaned the apartment a bit, it’s not so bad and I kind of like the meditative peace that cleaning the stovetop of the Kelvinator brings. Clo came over and we’re having a small sip of scotch.
My hands are dry, a combination of the recent cold weather and lots of sawdust. I’m going to go put some cream on.
-chris
From: chris lloyd <chrislloyd@videotron.ca>
Date: Mon Dec 6, 2004 11:24:51 PM America/Montreal
To: pm@pm.gc.ca
Subject: PM touts China-Canada trade as Chinese firm confirms interest in Alberta oil, Québec veut remplir son engagement sur la violence conjugale d’ici 2007
Dear Paul,
J’ai trouvé le film que j’ai perdu samedi soir quand je suis en train dû aller a classe ce soir. Il etait dans mon sac a dos, dans une poche que je ne utiliser jamais. Je suis plus tard, parce que je suis resté a travail jusque a six heurres trent. J’ai fais beaucoup d’erreurs aujoud’hui. Construirai des armoires c’est tres difficile. Je penserai a quitter, mais pas encore. Il faut que Vincent voudrait m’apprende faire des choses. D’accord.
Claudine passerait la nuit hier chez moi, mais le même probleme avoir lieu; elle ne souffle pas bien, et elle est reveillé trop tôt. Mauvais chatons! Mais leur sont trop cute. Je pense que je vais couper leurs fourrure, si je besoin a met leurs a dormi pour le vol a nouveau brunswick. Mais, je ne choisi pas un vol encore. Le prix c’est cher. Aussi, c’est difficile pour quelle q’un a achete un billet sans carte de credit. Je vais demander a ma mére.
Mon apartement c’est encombrer encore une fois. Spécialement mon bureau. Il est toujours derangé. Je pense que ce soir, aprés je cuisine, Je vais le nettoyer, pour vrai. Si je ne me occupe pas sur mon ordinateur, c’est habituallement.
Oh, an odd thing happened on my way to work today. I ran into Robbie C., he lives on the street that I am working on in St. Henri. Petit monde. Nous jasseons a le glasse sur le trottier. And Mohanad called tonight, we’re going to make plans to hang out sometime during the holidays. He’s working lots, more of a workaholic than I. Je suis paresseux entre lui.
OK, I really must make some supper / lunch pour demain, and do a little work, and price-check for my travel plans. I’d like to leave sometime near the end of next week, so I can get the painting done in my parent’s kitchen (they have just re-modeled).
How’s that Kyoto Accord coming along?
-chris
From: chris lloyd <chrislloyd@videotron.ca>
Date: Wed Dec 8, 2004 12:12:35 AM America/Montreal
To: pm@pm.gc.ca
Subject: U.S. army killed unarmed Iraqis in defiance of law, war-dodger hearing told, Les infrastructures seront privatisées, mais pas la gestion de l’eau
Dear Paul,
I’ve decided to stop posting my letters to you directly to my blog. I think the fact that my mom reads them regularly to keep tabs on what I’m doing has slightly nuanced how I write to you. Same with Claudine. It’s one thing to have an exhibition of the letters from time to time, or to have limited edition books floating around, but having each and every letter just there, wide open, well, to tell the truth it’s a little nerve-wracking. Now I feel a little more comfortable getting down to business.
First off: work. I’m still at Furnibois. I actually tried to quite at the end of the day today, after miscalculating the dimensions of a simple box, but Vincent would hear none of it. He seems convinced that with patience and practice I’ll improve. And maybe I will. I can see myself doing this work, even though I’m not much of a perfectionist. I feel torn between just hanging on to a job for the sake of working and making some money, or actually investing my brain and my energy and focus into developing some realm skills. I worry that I’ll have less and less time to make art, but perhaps that is an argument that doesn’t hold water. Especially if I can use his workshop to prepare some art pieces in the near future. What do you think I should do?
The other problem is that Steve, my former boss, called me this morning and wants me to work Monday. I said sure. So I have until the weekend to either quit Furnibois, or tell Vincent some tall tale, or call Steve back. And then the other catch is that I want to leave for NB before the 18th or 19th. So in either case I’ll be bailing on somebody.
Second: I’m having relationship worries. Everything seems fine with Claudine, but it also feels a bit like a rut. The last few times we’ve hung out we don’t seem to be connecting the way we used to. I can’t tell if it’s me or her or a combo. It seems like a spark is missing. What do you think I should do? I’m thinking some sex toys might spark things up a bit. It also feels a bit like we are dragging out an intermediate level of our relationship, and that we are staving off hard decisions, like should we just move in together? I think the language thing is still a big hurdle between us. I’m not really interested in lusting after anyone else, maybe this is a function of aging? Or maybe I should be stone cold single, and go out more, and meet new people, and date, etc. But at the moment I’m not too interested in that.
And that leads me to my other worry, my french lessons, and constantly arriving late for class. Even though I speak a bit of french at work, it’s not a lot, and I still can hardly understand a work Francois says. Maybe it’s also a teenager thing? No matter. I think I might have a learning disability, it’s just not clicking fast enough. I think a big problem is that I don’t think in french. How does that happen? Did you learn french and english at the same time?
Melissa was bored silly at class tonight. I showed up just at break time, after eating at Restaurant Chez Claudette on Laurier. Ever since I started taking the metro to class I’ve wanted to try the 2,99$ hotdog trio. This despite the fact that I’m trying to eat well. Now that I’ve finally caved in, I won’t ever have to do that again. Melissa is on a health kick, eating only meals she’s made, cutting out breads and chocolate. I seem to somehow injest chocolate at least once per day. Where does it go? How long can this crazy metabolism last? I have been cutting back on coffee, sometimes going two or three days without. But here I am drinking black tea at midnight. How am I going to fall asleep? And last night my musical neighbours were up late debating, so I slept with the earplugs and missed my alarm and was an hour late for work. How irresponsible. And still I can’t get fired!
I did get a rejection letter in the mail today. No, not from Canada Council or counseil des arts et des lettres de Québec—though I expect those any day now—but from Forest City Gallery. But I’m thinking that the Dear PM… project is really best-suited to municipal or provincial galleries, not so much the artist-run centres. I really should get my act together and try to get the show at the National, or at the very least, the Ottawa Art Gallery. Then you could go see it on a lunch break, or maybe book the gallery for a corporate meeting. Wouldn’t that be fun?
I’ve decided that for any upcoming exhibitions of Dear PM… I’m going to include a kiosk. The kiosk would consist of me acting as a personal liason, or direct conduit, between the general public and you. I’ll make small polls and take questions and jot down brief observations on life from anyone who would like to participate. I’ll do this in galleries or shopping centres, or both. Could be fun.
-chris
From: chris lloyd <chrislloyd@videotron.ca>
Date: Fri Dec 10, 2004 11:08:57 AM America/Montreal
To: pm@pm.gc.ca
Subject: Liberals to move soon on gay marriage legislation after high court endorsement, Le mariage homosexuel, “une réalité de la vie moderne”, peut être légalisé
Dear Paul,
Sorry I didn’t write yesterday. I feel that my available time is starting to collapse in upon itself, a bit like a black hole or something of that nature. I’m working extra hours this weekend for Furnibois as we install a large series of cabinets, shelves and bureaus at le biblioteque maisonneuve. Today I’m not working until 3pm, so I have a little time for some xmas shopping, not that the idea is very appealing to me. I have a list with lots of blank spaces; I never know what to get anyone. It takes time, thought, wonderment, curiosity, investment. I need the time and space to wander, window shop, look and think about things, memories, links, connections, usages. My brother Trevor would like a rare motorcycle made by Benelli, but I certainly can’t afford it, not even to chip in. He’s already got a bike. Maybe a silly helmet decal will suffice?
Lately the pace of life has been bothering me. Speed, the consistency of the clock, always checking the time. Finishing projects on time, running out of time, calculating time. If only welfare paid enough to live on, I’d take some time to work on the art projects that are slowly gathering dust and cobwebs in the bookshelves of my mind. I’d read more books and the newspaper everyday and drink a morning coffee with pleasure, inhaling and reveling in the aroma with each sip.
Ce matin j’ai eu un bon petit dejuner avec Claudine chez notre favori, el Coyote. Le médication d’allergiet elle a acheté marcher bien, donc elle a réspiré bien partout la nuit. Nous avons vu le film “Saved” en mangerant des sandwiches smoked meat par La Roi du Smoked Meat. We had good sex. We quite often have good, solid, hearty sex, but lately its been feeling a bit routine. A bit regular and expected. We talked about it this morning, and agreed that we could use a little spicing up. I think it still comes down to time. We need to take some time to plan an evening of hot sex.
And then we talked about gay marriages and wondered why it is such a big deal for people. Just get over it! Let consenting adults get married if they want to, what the hell difference does it make? Not everyone gets married just to have kids. People marry for all sorts of reasons. Why not just enact a law that decrees people can only marry if they are in love? And while you’re at it, invent a device that measures whether or not people are actually in love; now that would be useful (and completely useless at the same time, robbing love of its inherent mystery and allure). Opponents of gay marriage talk about the death of an institution, but when the majority of contemporary marriages end in divorce I’d say the institution is already in trouble. Let it adapt and evolve, just like the rest of life on this planet, sheesh. Some people need to wake up and realize that there are more things to life than the bible. Like discovering if there was once intelligent life on the Red Planet, or in the White House.
Still haven’t received my rejection letters from CC or CALQ, though I did received a form letter reply from YYZ that states their review process generally takes about six months. I really should get off my ass and apply for the Chambre Blanche residency. And the CAFKA, and galleries in Ottawa and Toronto, and the list goes on and on. And then it comes back to the xmas gifts and the making of gifts…and the time required to make such things.
OK, I’m going to get going, going to get a haircut, je vais faire du shopping…
-chris
From: chris lloyd <chrislloyd@videotron.ca>
Date: Sat Dec 11, 2004 5:01:53 PM America/Montreal
To: pm@pm.gc.ca
Subject: Canada to play key role in rebuilding Haiti’s judicial system, says PM, Le Canada participera à la reconstruction du système judicaire d’Haïti
Dear Paul,
Yesterday was a near-hell at work. First, the cabinet I was building wasn’t square, so there were problems gluing the final stages together. I debated quitting on the spot. There was something very tranquil about those moments where I could envision myself gathering my tools, jacket, walking away. A relief just thinking about it. And imagining the clock, knowing that the seconds and minutes were ticking away and the day wouldn’t last forever. Even though it felt it might, especially after Alvie and I took the metro to Pie-IX to meet the truck and unload the cabinets for the Biblioteque Maisonneuve. Most of the pieces fit in the elevator, but a few of the larger, and heavier items, needed to be brought up the stairs. Five floors. We finished at 11:30. I was beat. Crashed at Claudine’s. Slept soundly. Slept through the alarm this morning. Was supposed to be at work at 10. Fuck that. We arose slowly, leisurely, had some coffee and toast and read the paper. I met the rest of the crew at the biblioteque at 11 for the assemblage. Which went relatively smoothly. Left at 3:21. Came home, had a shower and read an online interview with Antonia Negri by Adrian Hamilton. Am meeting Claudine shortly at SAT, then we’ll have supper and possibly take in the Fred Fortin show before the party at SSM. She has a friend working the show who can get her a free ticket. I feel like getting really wasted tonight.
Oh, I got my haircut yesterday. A great cut, a bit too “normal”, but a good price, $13 taxes in at Les Garçons Coiffure Pour Hommes on Laurier. I don’t think it is part of the trendier chain of Garçons Coiffure on St. Laurent. This was a tiny little hole in the wall with one chair and one barber. We chatted about jazz and how I have to speak more forcefully and with confidence to be understood better.
Picked up some frames for xmas gifts. Now I just need to make the darn art. A good project to do tomorrow, with a slight hangover, probablement.
-chris
From: chris lloyd <chrislloyd@videotron.ca>
Date: Sun Dec 12, 2004 11:40:03 AM America/Montreal
To: pm@pm.gc.ca
Subject: http://www.canada.com not working, http://www.canada.com ne function pas
Dear Paul,
Went to the Souk @ SAT with Claudine yesterday afternoon and wouldn’t you know it but I saw the girl from the Cremaster screenings, the one who captured my attention and concentration for #4 and #5, and almost caused me to be struck by a car when I saw her again unexpectedly on St. Laurent after the screenings. It was the same thing all over again, a sense of shock and awe, weird butterflies-in-the-stomach feelings, curious glances at each other through the crowd. But we didn’t speak. I’m too damn shy to make the initial approach. What would I say? “Hi there, I couldn’t help but notice that I’m drawn to you like a moth to a flame. Wanna grab a coffee together and talk about it?”. Hmm, maybe it would work, actually. But besides, I was with Claudine, so it just wouldn’t have felt right. We wandered through the very calm and cool environment of super-trendy arts and crafts and design, mingling with what can only be described as the coolest people in Montréal. Later we walked up St. Laurent and stopped for supper at Thai Express. A lot of food, nice and spicy. We talked about our future plans, or lack thereof, and infidelity. We made a very sensible agreement to allow ourselves flirts and affairs over the holidays if we so choose, if we use protection of course. She brought it up. I think she’s feeling the urge to experiment more than I. It’s a little weird, our relationship, at the moment. Sort of on cruise control. It’s comfortable and easy when we are together, but we both seem to be seeking something more. Like she says, we haven’t made any big projects to share in. Though I would totally move to Yellowknife or Utah to be with her, and share in that adventure of being someplace new. But the itch to travel doesn’t capture me with the same intensity it does her. And the language barrier is still there, of course. I guess we’ll just see what happens.
The party at SSM was smaller than I had expected it to be. An eclectic assortment of different groups of friends; soccer players mixed with artsy cultural types mixed with serious academic students. Drank a bit but not too much, we were trying out a new beer called Boris. Another indicator of any indications of revolution swallowed up in the great maw of capitalism.
Speaking of which, I’d best get out and shop some more. It’s about the only day I have left to do so before heading to NB next week. I’d best call Vincent at Furnibois and tell him some whopper about why I’m not coming in to work this week, just in the off chance I can return to work there at some point in the future.
I’ve been looking through some old sketchbooks and am now feeling very sad and nostalgic. Do you ever have this problem?
-chris
From: chris lloyd <chrislloyd@videotron.ca>
Date: Tue Dec 14, 2004 7:08:18 AM America/Montreal
To: pm@pm.gc.ca
Subject: N.S. government calls for proposals to develop abandoned federal colliery, Les séries de Scully ont permis aux agences d’empocher de fortes sommes
Dear Paul,
Guess what I did the other day? I worked up the courage and tracked down that girl I think I have a minor crush on. It was Sunday, I was Xmas shopping (The Bay nearly did me in, I think all I managed to do was climb the escalator, circle it on each floor, and leave. The bottom floor stunk so bad of perfume it nearly knocked me out). So I stopped by SAT again and talked with her a bit. It was actually easy, as she was selling stuff (cute little heart broaches), so approaching her was easy, and of course I chickened out and didn’t actually TELL her that I was attracted to her, but maybe I’ll work up the courage to call her. I did take a card.
Started work again with T & T at the old Barat road place. The floors are finished (there are some awful touch-ups, but not our problem), and our work should be finished soon. It was actually a fairly smooth day, I had forgotten what a pleasure it is to be finished work at 4:30. I was only forty minutes late for french class. Getting up before 7am takes a bit of getting used to, though.
I’m stressed about finishing my annual xmas giveaway book; this year I have planned a limited edition frottage book, but still have a ton of photocopying and gluing ahead of me. I have a housesitter coming on…Wednesday, tomorrow, ackk! A guy I don’t know, Craig, boyfriend of Adrianna, friend of Jen. And I need to clean the house thoroughly, it smells of animal and pot pourri and pot (I finally smoked a healthy does of the leftovers I found behind the fridge, it wasn’t very strong). How am I going to pack my kitty litter for Yaga? And the gifts? I need to wash laundry. I have french exams tonight and tomorrow night. And Manif d’Art wants a ton of information before the holidays, and I still haven’t sent my Ideas about Infinity to Jo Cook, and the Chambre Blanche residency application is due on Friday. I might have to pull an all-nighter (or two) this week.
Gotta go, work.
-chris
From: chris lloyd <chrislloyd@videotron.ca>
Date: Wed Dec 15, 2004 6:21:56 AM America/Montreal
To: pm@pm.gc.ca
Subject: Civic officials won’t be forced to perform gay marriages, L’avenir de Huntingdon ne semble pas rose, selon le ministre Audet
Dear Paul,
Have I ever told you about my fear of death? The other night, I think it was Thursday, the Metro was shut down shortly after I arrived at french class. I had heard the notice that there was a disruption on the blue line but didn’t think much of it. Not until after class, when Melissa and I tried to take the metro homer and the station was closed. We walked home, as there were way too many people waiting for buses and we’re only two stops away. Claudine was meeting me at my place after work that night and took a cab. Well anyway, Melissa had found out the next day that the whole metro had been shut down because of a suicide, and the subsequent lack of communication between trains. Anyway, I bring this up because almost every damn time I take the metro I wonder about what it must be like to through oneself into the path of a moving train. I can’t help it, it’s a bizarre fascination. Do you every wonder about it when you take the metro? Do you ever even take the metro or do you prefer private jet and armoured limousine? Speaking of which, did I ever tell you about the time I saw an SUV stretch limo? Anyway, what I wonder about is how desperate people must be to toss themselves in front of a train. Desperate, but also maybe resigned, or maybe strong and confidant. Or just confused, but headstrong. How does one find the strength to do it? And it’s not so much the initial pain of impact, or even the unknowable moments beforehand, it’s the what comes after that blows my mind. The nothingness? The absolute? The next level? What? And I think then that my greatest fear of death is the fact that there is nothing afterwards. Followed closely by the fear that there is an existence after human death: a literal translation of the bible, the one GWB keeps in his back pocket. Does he share it with Ralph Klein? Does Ralph oppose gay marriage solely for religious reasons?
Anyway, sorry to get off on such a topic. I’m a little freaked out about things lately. Just got an email from Lori at Art Gallery of Calgary and it looks like things are going to be a go for March. Yikes! I have a lot of work to do before then and I don’t know how I am going to do it. I can’t work full time but I can’t afford not to work, not can I afford to selectively work, though that might be the best option. Hey, would you like to sponsor the show? We could do some live portraits as part of the deal, if you’re interested. I just need living expenses paid for two months, January and February. And some materials, plywood and paints, some wood and glass for the cabinets, lots of photocopies, maybe some hand tools, rental of a carpentry shop, a video camera and a paper shredder. My grant applications (surely they can send out the rejection letters by now! what’s taking so long? The deadlines were in september!) were asking for about $9,000, which should just about cover it: living expenses for two months, rent and bills, food, construction of some curio cabinets, thirty paintings, crates, five books, 1500 photocopied letters and a video. You get to keep a painting of your choice. Doesn’t sound like such a bad deal, does it? And people complain about artists living off the state; I wouldn’t exactly be living large on that.
Ahem, OK, so now I’ll get my head out of my own arse and wonder about how I’m actually going to do all this. Because I have to get ready for the Manif d’Art in May, the TRAFIC exhibition in Rouyn in May, and the show with Melissa in April and Jo Cook’s show in May, also. And immediately, first things first, is clean my apartment. Sometime between now and 7am, when I go to work, or 5-6 before class. After 8 I have dinner and movie plans with Claudine. I just watched L’inconnu de las vegas (Ocean’s 11) so to be prepared to see La retour de Danny Ocean (Ocean’s 12) tomorrow night. And this guy Craig is coming to housesit my apartment starting tomorrow. And I still need to wash laundry. Maybe I’ll sleep just a few hours, get up really early and refreshed. Riiiiiiight.
-chris
Date: Fri, 17 Dec 2004 15:43:21 -0500 (EST)
From: “chris lloyd” <chrislloyd6627@yahoo.ca> Add to Address Book
Subject: News of Celebrex’s increased heart risk leaves regulators scrambling, Remaniement ministériel: Jean Charest fait taire les rumeurs
To: paul martin < pm@pm.gc.ca >
Cc: chrislloyd@videotron.ca MIME-Version: 1.0
Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii
Dear Paul,
Sorry I didn’t write yesterday. I was busy packing and hanging out with Clo. I finished my last French exam before pause on Wednesday night and then headed to Clo’s for supper. We had baked salmon and her excellent rice and sautéed veggies. We were planning to see Ocean’s 12 but she got a call about a translation contract that needed to be finished in the morning so we just stayed in and exchanged our Xmas gifts. I thin k she really liked the American Apparel outfit I picked out for her, and the soap and the heart broach from the SOUK @ SAT. She bought me
slippers, which are really nice but slippers? Isn’t that an old folks gift? I’m glad though, really, because the floors in my apartment are really cold.
So yesterday we hung out for the early part of the day, had sex, had breakfast at La Mere Poule,
exchanged the slippers (they were one size too large), went back to her place and had sex again. Trying to get our fill before the holiday separation. Do you ever have sex with a woman when she is menstruating? And have you ever found odd spots on your privates? I’m worried I might have a VD, but haven’t found/made the time to go to the hospital to check it out. I suppose I should do that.
I spent the latter part of the afternoon finalizing my travel plans, packing, picking up laundry, and making photocopies for the book. In the early evening Craig B., my house sitter, stopped by to pick up keys. We had a nice conversation, and then I took a cab to Clo’s with my suitcase and Yaga in tow. He meowed the whole way. And then I walked to meet Clo at the bookstore and we took the metro to the Paramount theatre to see Ocean’s 12. Which did nothing for me; just riding the coattails of success from Ocean’s 11. One big long expensive inside joke. We stopped for a drink at Reservoir, as we were walking home after the metro closed. The music was terrible. But our conversations have been fun and varied and inspiring. It was late when we got back to her place and early when I woke up to go to the airport. Clo has a habit of talking in her sleep, and when I woke her up to say goodbye she said to me “will you marry me before we make future plans?” which sort of took me aback, but when I asked her what she meant she didn’t know what I was talking about. I think I would like to marry her. We would raise super-cute French babies.
Yaga meowed the whole way to airport. It was snowing, traffic was congested, and I arrived at the airport with forty minutes to spare. Twenty of which were spent in a lineup. But the flight was smooth and I finished my application to La Chambre Blanche while speeding along at 250 miles per hour 20,000 feet up in the sky.
Mom and Dad’s friend Herb picked me up at the airport. Yaga weathered the trip in cargo better than the two poodles, who were shaking like hickory sticks. He was even quiet on the drive home. I think he meowed himself hoarse.
My parent’s kitchen looks good, there is new tile on the floor and the cupboards have been re-arranged. It is a lot more open and spacious. Still a little bit of work to do with the baseboards. I’m going to get on that right now. Either that or have a brief nap before heading out for the evening.
Hey, today is the anniversary of France recognizing the US of A Declaration of Independence, way back in 1777. They’ve certainly managed to do a lot in the past couple hundred years. Did you send George a card? I heard that the last missile defence demonstration didn’t go so well. Why don’t you just pretend like the whole plan is like a big bad drug, and Just Say No?
-chris
From: chris lloyd <chrislloyd6627@yahoo.ca>
Date: Sat Dec 18, 2004 12:57:09 PM America/Montreal
To: paul martin <pm@pm.gc.ca>
Cc: chrislloyd@videotron.ca
Subject: Le premier ministre Canadien Paul Martin s’envolera pour la Lybie, Former Lethbridge alderwoman in court for allegedly breaching house arrest
Dear Paul,
Had a fun night, though being back in one’s perceived
hometown is always a bit bizarre. First off, I was a
bit late arriving at PP to meet Karina, and she had
already finished for the day and gone out on a date.
Stayed an hour talking with John about the changes the
cities of Montréal, Halifax and SJ have undergone over
the years. Did I tell you already that all his hair
turned white a couple years back? Now it’s in the
process of all falling out. I think he’ll look really
good when bald, very Lex Luther-ish.
So then I wandered a bit, trying to find a decent
restaurant to eat at (and failing). Contemplated
shoplifting just for kicks, but decided I didn’t need
that kind of thrill. Ran into old friend Rob S., who
was waiting for JB. to go play a gig at the Reardon’s,
past patrons of mine. They have a few of my
“landmarks” series paintings. Unfortunately, JB has
developed a nasty crack addiction and Rob figured he’d
be playing the gig himself.
So after a supper that consisted of a beer at
O’Leary’s I met up with Judy and Karina and the gang
at Churchill’s. Joquim and Peter were there as
Coleharbour reps, and we proceeded to drink many beers
and a few shots of tequila and jagermeister. There was
a cute girl at the bar reading a picture book on the
history of democracy and I couldn’t help but flirt
with her shamelessly, even though she was clear about
meeting her boyfriend in an hour. After that there was
no stopping me, as I proceeded to hit on Lise’s sister
Rina whom I knew and had a minor crush on so many
years ago (I lost my virginity to her cousin), and
after that a cute redheaded severe grade 9
schoolteacher. I now believe that the schoolteacher
was playing a flirty game with me and her husband, who
she introduced as “just an old friend” and who was
constantly floating through the bar talking on his
cell phone. I now believe that he wasn’t talking to
anybody, that it was all a ruse, playacting. Fun,
actually, as I prefer the initial flirting part to the
sometimes messy and complicated situations that
sometimes follow.
Except that I had carried on the game too long and
missed my ride with Judy back to her place, and was
too drunk to drive, so ended up back at O’Leary’s
sobering up to some band playing bad covers of
forgettable songs. I have some recollection of
checking my messages on my phone, hearing an almost
inaudible message from Claudine and calling her back.
I can’t remember what we talked about but it was nice
to talk with her. That, and the chilly power-nap in
the back seat, sobered me up (enough, I think) to
drive home.
Today I’m installing some baseboards in the kitchen,
just waiting for the varnish to dry. Dad’s reffing a
few basketball games and Mom’s at work. I’ve got to
finish the damn book and meet John at PP to finish the
photocopying, later this afternoon.
According to MSN, today in 1865 the 13th Amendment to
the Constitution of the US of A took effect, ensuring
that “neither slavery nor involuntary servitude…shall
exist within the Uniteed States”. Hmmmm. Couldn’t one
consider flipping burgers at Mickey D’s a form of
involuntary servitude? Or any job that forces people
to survive on minimum wages? Or being subjected to
billboard or bathroom advertising or catching a single
minute of FOX news programming? Can someone file a
class-action suit or something?
Also on this date in 1957 the first full-scale
commercial nuclear power station in the US opened at
Shippingport, Pennsylvania, producing 60,000 kilowatts
of electricity, which fed into the grid for the
Pittsburg area. It was also the first nuclear plant to
be decommissioned, in 1989, after it terminated
operations in 1982. It had been converted to a “light
water breeder reactor” in 1974, and resumed operations
in 1977. Flip flop? Here in NB the Point Lepreau
Nuclear Power Plant began operation in 1983, but has
been on and off again. It provides between 25-30% of
New Brunswick’s electricity. The current refurbishment
is scheduled to occur between 2008-2009 at an
estimated cost of $1 billion (originally estimated at
$500 million). And it could very well double again,
and the result may very well be a reactor that
performs poorly, if the refurbishment of the Pickering
A reactors (the same Candu reactors, same retubing) is
any indication. They were shut down after less than
half their life expectency. Maybe more efforts should
go into wind, solar and biomass? Nuclear is just a
pain.
-chris
From: chris lloyd <chrislloyd@videotron.ca>
Date: Sun Dec 19, 2004 2:36:42 PM America/Montreal
To: pm@pm.gc.ca
Subject: Martin meets Libyan strongman Gadhafi to discuss human rights, trade, Le premier ministre Paul Martin rencontre le président libyen Khadafi.
Dear Paul,
What is it exactly about returning to one’s hometown for the holidays that unleashes weird and unexpected behavior? The last time I initiated a fight in my adult life it was in Saint John, at a sleezy bar, in 1995, when some guy hit on Karina and I got jealous. Until last night at Callahans. I was with Elizabeth and Karina, and we were among some of the first to show up for a free show by some local bands, Port City All Stars and The Organizers, after meeting Peter and Judy and Mark and Janet at the Dim Sum Diner. We talked a bit about publishing, since it hasn’t been long since Judy and Mark and Janet accepted Irving’s offer to buy out Here. And there have already been some noticeable changes, like the loss of the sex column. (Sasha, not My Messy Bedroom, which is better). Apparently there is more of a push now for more “advertorial” type articles. For example, the new publishers wanted to do an article and front page cover on the band Sum 41, who are playing (again) in Saint John, but not until March. Trying to boost ticket sales. But that’s not how a free culture paper should operate. Mark offered his theory of journalism as historic record and how we gauge the changes of the day through the lens of media. When an issue like gay marriage hits the news and a paper decides to not run a photo of a gay couple, because it doesn’t want to offend its readership, is it accurately reflecting the views of its readership, the broader public or just the narrow views of the publisher and their conservative (but often powerful friends)? Should a newspaper speak to and for a majority or should it present many facets of complex issues in an objective manner? And if so, how can one do that with such a reliance on advertising dollars to keep the thing in business? Anyway, back to the bar. Gradually more young ‘uns came in and the place started to reasonably fill up. Elizabeth and I were wandering about, leaving Karina with her new beau Andrew. Well, they’ve had one date, Friday night, but they seem to be hitting it off nicely. Anyway, Elizabeth and I wandered through the crowd and some idiot we passed told her that her ass was out of sight. She asked him what he said and he repeated it. Twice, actually. Now sure, maybe it can be seen as a compliment, but most feminists would probably interpret such introductory remarks as a bit lewd, maybe vulgar, but certainly in the category of treating women like meat or objects. Elizabeth and I were sort of laughing about it and I asked her if she would like me to tackle the guy. When she said yes I was off through the crowd, took a ten-foot running lunge at him and got him NFL-style, right in the midriff. We sailed through the air, it was poetry in motion I swear. I was aiming to land him on a table, cowboy western-like, but we missed and hit the floor instead. He had a buddy who pulled me off and we argued a bit about what the hell I was doing and that it didn’t concern me, and I kept demanding an apology, and then Elizabeth said she was satisfied and we walked away laughing our butts off. You know what? I liked it. A dumb brute, that’s what I am.
You know what else? That band I saw the other night at O’Leary’s wasn’t so bad. I just remembered that they performed an amazing and hilarious rendition of Final Countdown. That is not a forgettable song, on the contrary.
-chris
From: chrislloyd@videotron.ca
Date: Tue Dec 21, 2004 3:13:41 PM America/Montreal
To: pm@pm.gc.ca
Cc: chrislloyd@videotron.ca
Subject: Canadian election observers get emotional send-off from Ukrainian ambassador, Le producteur Guy Cloutier renonce ‡ aller en appel et va en prison†
Dear Paul,
Do you think I should move back to my old hometown of Saint John and start a funky contemporary arts centre and parallel gallery? Judy and Peter had me over to their place for supper on Sunday night and after about four bottles of wine Judy began the pitch. Itís happened before, but in those times I was never even closely convinced. Now Iíve been thinking about it for the past two days straight. She says that Saint John needs me more than MontrÈal does, and I canít really argue with that. I love the city, but itís already got more culture than I can really add to. So Iíve started a list of pros and cons:
PROS:
SJ is a growing and developing city that has a certain homey quaintness. People are nice and often have stimulating conversations in the few bars in town. There is a real, honest, underlying desire to grow.
The apartments are dirt cheap but disco wonderful.
There seems to be no shortage of funky and inexpensive spaces in which to start a space.
Iíd be a
ctively curating, organizing, grant-writing and art-writing again, something I think Iím finally starting to miss.
I can make the kind of art I currently do almost anywhere.
My parents live closely.
The new Thai restaurant uptown is decent.
There are apparently five single females to every single male, this according to a recent Stats Can report.
The younger, hip community are starving for good contemporary art shows.
While funding may be difficult to get at government levels, there is a good streak of corporate sponsorship of much of SJs cultural events. I have some connections.
The city market can be a fun and unique place to hang out.
Everyday youíll see at least fifty people you know.
CONS:
The city is inherently conservative and most likely hostile to most contemporary art.
The city is tiny and makes me feel stir-crazy within days.
There are some good restaurants, but these are far too few.
Government funding will be close to impossible.
Claudine would most likely not want to move to SJ.
Public transit is almost nonexistent.
There is a mall and big-box entity growing like a cancer in the middle of the city.
There is no rep cinema.
There are no decent cafÈs.
The market is overrated.
Iíd still have a hard time making ends meet.
Thinking about this is making me depressed. No, getting close to the end of my money is making me depressed. Well, itís a partial list, at the moment. Iíll add to it over the coming days.
By the way, nice cover photo of you and Moammar in yesterdayís Globe. It will make a nice painting. Have you given any more thought to live sittings? Iím still game if you are. Sop what was the deal with the un expected tent meeting? With the camels mating noisily outside? Are you honestly convinced that increased (and unrestricted?) trade will actually directly improve human rights, or is it just a slightly veiled cash grab? Do you ever wonder at the inherent contradictions at play between the two?
I’m in a bit of a weird head space. I spent almost all yesterday afternoon at Printing Plus and most of today as well, working on the damn frottage books that John has convinced me that nobody would want or appreciate. His advice is along the lines of ìwhy would anyone want this as a gift?î and ìthis is just artsy-fartsy crapî. He was also extremely helpful, tolerating my presence for two days, showed me the crimper and gluing machine and I helped myself to the clamps and the cutter. I even helped with a poster job. Itís sort of fun being in a print shop, maybe I should look for work in one?
Judy treated myself and Robyn to breakfast at the new Coraís in Brunswick Square yesterday. Her mom calls her thirty times a day from the hospital. She goes everyday for at least two hours. I donít know how she handles it.
After “work” Elizabeth drove Karina, myself and Nadia to Value Village. Nadia just flew in the other day from Vancouver and didn’t have enough warm clothing. We later met Eli — Beth’s brother—and the infamous Jordan at Lemongrass, the new Thai restaurant in Judy’s new building. She had given me a tour of the building earlier in the day and some of the renovations are really quite stunning. Nice revealed tiles in the entrance. Her office is amazing and I can see lots of potential in turning the current Here publishing offices into gallery/administrative/live-in spaces.
I’ve been having weird dreams since I’ve been here. The other night it was falling through deep holes in the sidewalk that revealed huge underground caverns, complete with jewel-encrusted stalagmites and underground rivers. I took a ride on a trolley hundreds of feet above sparkling green waters. All underground.
And last night was the obligatory chase dream, being chased by car and on foot by cops AND robbers. A particularly vivid part was when one of my companions, an older Japanese lady, was captured by an Olympic sports team, covered with a blanket and kicked and beaten until members of my french class came to her aid.
Anyway, best be going, Judyís picking me up and driving me to the super mall entity so I can buy a small tin of stain for the final bit of trim in my parents kitchen.
-chris
From: chris lloyd <chrislloyd@videotron.ca>
Date: Fri Dec 24, 2004 10:55:18 PM America/Montreal
To: pm@pm.gc.ca
Subject: After tough BSE year, Canadian beef producers uncertain about 2005, La gouverneure générale réduits certaines de ses dépenses
Dear Paul,
Happy/Merry Xmas Eve, Joyeaux Noël, etc. Just made it back to my parent’s place. Had a fun run in Halifax . Ate at the Med. Wandered through part of the Khyber but the offices and galleries were closed and it felt spooky to be there. Hung out at the magazine store and Zwicker’s gallery, talking with Emily more about her GNK proposal. Met up with Jen at her and Ryan’s place, saw Cooper, drank some red wine, then went to Sarah H’s mom’s place, where we had lamb and latkas and salad that Emily, my replacement at the Khyber, brought over. It was a fun night. She also brought some Johnny Walker and we finished the bottle. Felt a little bad about not going out to spend the night with Trevor and Tamara, but they were going to bed so early because she left for Pakistan this morning, and it’s hard to get to Timberlea. I’m not a suburb kind of guy. After Sarah and I finished the bottle we fell into an old routine and started making out, but neither of us had condoms nor a huge desire to do anything more than neck for a bit. Very high school, but sort of nice, too, in a comforting, casual, friendly way. I still have attractions for lots of people, just not the desire to act on anything. The pimple-like sores on my groin could have something to do with it; I’m now convinced I have an STD. I think I’ll go to the hospital first day I get back to Montréal and see if I can be treated. I have no idea where it came from, but most likely its been in remission for a long while. I’m not looking forward to addressing this issue.
Today Sarah and her mom dropped me off at the Halifax Shopping Centre . I wandered about, watching the throngs of last-minute shoppers. Had a nap in the courtesy chairs. I tried to spread out and look as hung over as possible, which wasn’t difficult to do. Actually, I was surprised with how normal I felt, odd considering the amount of alcohol I’ve had lately. Trev picked me up after his short half day at work,, and after a brief pit stop (I really, really needed a shower and a clean pair of socks), we were on our way.
I slept most of the drive, zoning in and out of consciousness. We stopped in Sackville for McDonalds and beer. Spent the evening wrapping presents. Making them, too. Is giving art as a Christmas present a cop-out? I worry that nobody will appreciate getting art, but at the same time feel I am doing my part to inspire varied generations to collect contemporary art. I mean, I like the stuff, but that doesn’t mean my grandparents will. Or my parents. Or my brothers.
My grandparents arrived yesterday. Tonight we all watched the National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation. It was my grandparents first time and it made it even funnier because they laughed harder at the all the predictable jokes. They feel comfortable driving to Florida so it looks like I’ll be returning to Montréal on Monday.
-chris
From: chris lloyd <chrislloyd@videotron.ca>
Date: Sun Dec 26, 2004 10:11:28 AM America/Montreal
To: pm@pm.gc.ca
Subject: Former defence minister brings varied background to Red Cross job, La gouverneure générale réduits certaines de ses dépenses
Dear Paul,
Merry Christmas. Does your family open presents on the 24th or 25th? Trevor woke me up early this morning, despite the fact he has come down with a cold. He was sleeping on the couch so I guess mom woke him up when she started preparing for the christmas dinner at 7am. It was a fairly mellow gift exchange. I spoke to Claudine on the phone and it sounds like her family had a much more raucus time.
Have you ever seen the Shawshank redemption? My mom has been trying to get me to watch it for years, and last night I finally did. It was OK, not as spectacular as it was built up to be, but a well-made feel-good movie. I liked the letter-writing parts. And the desperation, and near hopelessness from after evidence arose that could free Andy, was almost palpable. Tim Robbins is a good actor, but I like him as a director as well. Did you see Cradle will rock? I believe he directed that.
I’m in the middle of a potential family drama. Nanny and Poppy forgot to send Dustin, Mark and Margo’s kid (her first from a previous marriage decades ago), a Christmas gift. The worst was that they didn’t seem terribly upset by it; maybe a function of age and having lived through sixty odd Xmas’, but still. So Margo wrote a scathing email to Nanny, but mom didn’t want Nanny to read it (they will be here for two more days and she doesn’t want to have to deal with freakouts and the fallout). I guess we were supposed to just keep Nanny away from the computer but she was on it early this morning. She didn’t check her email though (older people aren’t as compulsive about it as, say, people my age or younger, who check half a dozen times per day). Since I helped Nanny set up her online email account I can access it, and so I deleted the letter. Now feel guilty and complicit. Ahh, you have to love Christmas, for the family spirit it evokes. Is what I did so wrong?
If I move to Saint John Emily suggested I change the name of the gallery to “The Saint John Jackson Foghorn”, much catchier than The Space.
I’m bored out of my tree. The peace and quiet is driving me nuts. I’ve been working on some proposals and reading a bit here and there, but I’m feelign stir-crazy. Maybe I’ll pack and organize and then find something to do/somewhere to go for the afternoon. The group “Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou” viewing has been pushed back to the 9:25 screening. Judy needs to sleep this afternoon after having her parents home from the hospital for two days.
Speaking of the hospital and bodily deterioration, I’m feeling resigned to the fact that I’ve got problems. The herpes (if that is what it is), hasn’t subsided, if anything I can see where it may spread. Talk about taking the wings out of my sexual sails. And the moles on the top of my head are itchy and seem bigger and make me think of brain tumors. I really need to see a doctor, but prefer to rest in ignorant denial.
-chris
From: chris lloyd <chrislloyd@videotron.ca>
Date: Mon Dec 27, 2004 9:38:05 AM America/Montreal
To: pm@pm.gc.ca
Subject: Prime Minister Paul Martin chosen CP-BN newsmaker of 2004, Paul Martin est désigné personnalité de l’année
Dear Paul,
Just came back from The Life Aquatic With Steve Zissou. A very fun and goofy and bizarre movie. Quite funny and unexpected and had good dialogue and fun characters, magical and delicious. A bit like the Beatles Yellow Submarine. I met Elizabeth and Judy and Peter at the 3 Mile, in the Harley Davidson section, just before the movie. They had one beer on tap and no imports or red wine. Sigh. No Mile End.
Drove back to boredom in the suburbs in the beginning storm, which has continued unabated overnight and now there are huge drifts of snow everywhere and people are confused because today is Boxing Day shopping. What to do? As an odd coincidence, Cradle Will Rock was playing on TV overnight, so I stayed up watching the last half. Slept a bit uncomfortably on the couch, but Trev is really sick so I don’t mind giving up the room.
Spent most of yesterday wandering around the house picking at food, resting, watching TV, mostly feeling cooped up and wishing I had something else to do, maybe volunteering at a soup kitchen or something. Maybe then I wouldn’t feel as guilty about just sitting around during the break. Of course, Now I could shovel snow, that would take some time. I like my family, I think it is just the suburbs that get to me.
I love the irony and confusion of a blizzard on Boxing Day. I just hope I can catch my train. I don’t want to be stranded.
-chris
From: chris lloyd <chrislloyd@videotron.ca>
Date: Mon Dec 27, 2004 11:19:27 PM America/Montreal
To: pm@pm.gc.ca
Subject: First year of marriage brings bad humour and more security for gay couple, Un des derniers vétérans Canadiens de 1914-18, Paul Métivier, disparaît
Dear Paul,
I am so very saturated with bad television right now, do you know of a cure or some sort of cleansing mechanism? I just caught the end of some horrible booster show of US vets in Iraq with WWE wrestlers and I almost threw up. Even just passing briefly through the channels gives rise to the bile, the brainlessness of it, the money thrown at it, the mindless patter to sell cars and soap. I will never, ever get cable TV. I don’t know how people can stand it. Must be the T and A.
So I’ve been land-locked until tomorrow. Trev will drive me into the bus station in the morning and then I’ll have a couple hours to run some errands before catching the bus to Moncton and then the train to Montréal. I’m still not sure of what to do in the coming months, aside from getting the work done for the AGC. Should I stay or should I go? Back to arts admin or stick with the work odd jobs, have shows, etc.?? Join a volunteer organization? Travel the world like a gypsy? Learn how to steal time?
-chris
From: chris lloyd <chrislloyd@videotron.ca>
Date: Wed Dec 29, 2004 6:29:55 PM America/Montreal
To: pm@pm.gc.ca
Subject: Ranchers, beef industry celebrate long-awaited U.S. border re-opening, Une famille québécoise revient au pays après avoir échappé à la catastrophe
Dear Paul,
Are you surviving the holidays? Not much of a break, not much peace and quiet, what with massive earthquakes and tsunamis and wars. Years of inter-family stress finally broke through the surface yesterday as everyone was getting ready to leave, my mom trying to express to my grandparents how she feels and why the holidays are stressful for her, and my grandparents not understanding and then my mom crying because she knows that they will hold this against her forever. Margo is pissed at her (and me as well, most likely), for deleting the nasty email to Nanny, but none of us wanted to deal with that fallout, their presence can be stressful enough as it is. Poppy felt fine to drive, despite the painful shingles, his slight weight and the fact he almost fell up the stairs carrying a cardboard box the other night.
But we all survived, and with a minimal amount of alcohol, surprisingly. Trev dropped me off at the bus station, which has moved to Chelsea Drive because Irving kicked them out of the building (to make room for more cubicles?). I met up with Judy and Peter at Cora’s where the same waitress we had last time forgot to order my fruit cup. Ran into Nadia. Nadia is absolutely stunning. Her outward beauty matches perfectly her razor sharp wit and stunning intelligence. But it feels like whatever closeness we might have shared, so many years ago, is lost.
Leaving the province left me a tad depressed. I keep thinking that I’m just drifting, I can’t get inspired or riled up or passionate. About anything. The SJ gallery proposal is interesting to me because it resembles what inspired me in the past; I’m not sure about the future. Maybe it is because my relationships and work life and art career are all up in the air.
I didn’t sleep well on the train (normal), but didn’t think well, either (not normal). Usually I can write and draw and play with ideas, but this trip has been a dead end. Formatted some old letters, that’s about it.
Got home after a total of two or three hours sleep and cleaned the apartment a bit. Kuan seems fine. She’s completely covered my IKEA bedspread with her fur. She has worse knots in her fur than Yaga did. I’m going to inquire about getting her shaved.
Claudine came over and boy were we ever hungry for one another. Gave her a nice pearl necklace in the kitchen, then we fooled around some more on the futon in the living room. We have really good sex together, though the second time around I had a hard time getting it up (excuse the pun). That rarely happens to me. I’ll ask about it at the clinic tomorrow. Do you ever take Viagra? I feel I am still too young to go down that route. It must be the lack of sleep, travel and stress.
We spent the afternoon wandering north on Plaza St. Hubert, a little window and fabric shopping, the weather was nice. Had a late lunch at Premiere Moisson at the Jean Talon Market. After Klo went to work I called SS&M and caught Rebecca before she was leaving to buy New Year’s Eve tickets at Le Swimming. I walked with her there and back, I’m REALLY exhausted now. I ranted on and on about arts funding. I have two new rejection letters to add to the pile.
Do you think that there are just too many artists in this country? Should we limit the number of professional artists to match the amount of funding available to them? I’ve been reading excerpts of the Massey Report and you know what? NOT A SINGLE DAMN THING HAS CHANGED IN FIFTY YEARS! Pathetic. Artists still struggle for survival, respect, acknowledegement, understanding, grants, shows, etc. When do we ever ask and expect that other professionals (lawyers, doctors, teachers, etc.) spend the majority of their time and resources WORKING OTHER JOBS? Those professions aren’t treated as frivolties, yet the arts often, no ALWAYS, are. What the hell did I spend four years and $35 grand on then? Can you answer me that?
And before you go thinking that I am all anti-arts funding now, understand this: The biggest problem is the lack of funds, and that’s YOUR department. How many more endless studies do you folks need before you realize that more money spent on the arts and culture sector reaps huge rewards? Anyway, whatever, I’ll apply again and again and again but in the meantime I’ll work jobs I’m either underskilled or overskilled at, go on welfare, sell drugs, try prostitution, whatever it takes. Is that what the CC means when they say in the rejection form letter “We hope that you will nonetheless find the means to pursue your artistic endeavours.”? Damn right I will, by hook or by crook.
I’ll be dropping an official portrait-painting proposal by your office before the end of the week, or sometime next week, if you are still on vacation. What are your office hours?
And on another note, do you want able-bodied (mostly) people to volunteer to help in the aftermath of the earthquake? I’ll totally go, tomorrow if need be. I’m serious. My brother gave me a cordless drill for Xmas; with that, I can do just about anything.
-chris
DEAR PM 