From: chris lloyd <dearpm@gmail.com> Mailed-By: gmail.com
To: pm@pm.gc.ca
Date: Jan 1, 2006 12:57 PM
Subject: Canada beats U.S. 3-2, Armes:Martin appui les efforts pour garder en prison les criminels
Dear Paul,
Happy New Year. I’m on the road again; made it back to NB Friday night
following the snowstorm in crappy all-season tires that do NOT work in
Canada’s biggest season, and had a long and interesting and odd New
Year’s Eve bash at happinez, which my parents attended with Tina, the
owner of the sewing shop my mom works at, and attended not one but two
late after-hours parties, tagging along after Jess and Jonas, two
lovely little lovebirds, first at the Gothic Arches which, if you have
never been inside to see for a show, you should really go, it is
thunderously amazing, to catch the last few songs from Slowcoaster and
the vibe(s) amazing and fun and all the rest, and secondly we were off
to Al Benoit’s party at the recording studio which was huge and
festive and also featured live bands, but I had to leave when they
launched into a tired old tripped out version of Comfortably Numb—I
would prefer a more Scissor Sister’s rendition—but perhaps I will
relate more of this to you more once I return from Québec City, which
is where I am off to in about an hour, after having Brunch (No
Brunch!) with Judy and Peter and Danika and Mary and Mary’s 94
year-old roommate Ruth and a bunch of Ruth’s relatives, to retrieve
Claudine and Caroline. We’ll be back tomorrow.
-chris
From: chris lloyd <dearpm@gmail.com> Mailed-By: gmail.com
To: pm@pm.gc.ca
Date: Jan 4, 2006 9:09 PM
Subject: Layton positions himself as king maker, Martin prend des engagements en matière de santé et Harper en immigration
Dear Paul,
Made it back from Québec City safe and sound. Had a nice, albeit
brief, visit with Claudine’s friend Kent who has an amazing apartment.
He’s the one who had an 18 foot-high Xmas tree. We had a swanky
breakfast at Café du Monde, which was about the only place open on
Monday morning. Then we drove back, stopping briefly at a casse croute
in Riviere du Loup, running behind schedule so we couldn’t take
Caroline to the bus station in Moncton, so she stayed with us Monday
night and took the bus Tuesday morning. Peter’s car worked quite well.
We also used it to drop our recycling off, which is annoying because
how are people who don’t own cars supposed to recycle? The bus doesn’t
seem a practical nor likely choice. And while I’m complaining about
cars let me just mention that I managed to get a parking ticket on New
Year’s Eve, actually at about 4AM New Years Day. First off, what is up
with the city and its across-the-board No Parking After Midnight
Uptown policy? Are they trying to actively kill any hope of Saint John
establishing a nightlife? What’s next, a curfew? And why give out
tickets on New Years Day? Happy Fucking New Year to you too, whatever
lame sack of monkey shit who was bored enough to be bothered with
parking tickets while the rest of us were still partying. Probably
jealous. So what was I supposed to do, drive the car home all stoned
and drunk? Great policy.
Last night Judy came over and we had a great meal, Claudine is a
wicked cook, we chose a recipe from Laura’s cookbook and made some of
the pasta Judy had given us in her gift basket, and we three polished
off almost six bottles of wine. Fun times. Needless to say all we did
today was wash dishes, eat, re-arrange some furniture, cuddle and nap
and drink water.
Now I’m back at work and you can shoot hot air balloons up and down
uptown and not hit anyone.
-chris
From: chris lloyd <dearpm@gmail.com> Mailed-By: gmail.com
To: pm@pm.gc.ca
Date: Jan 9, 2006 1:19 AM
Subject: Suburban T.O. voters call for crackdown, Libéraux et conservateurs se lancent dans une guerre de chiffres
Dear Paul,
Sorry again for my tardiness. One might wonder if I can’t keep to a
schedule then why bother, and believe me, I wonder that often myself
and I’m definitely not alone. But I haven’t done any concrete work
this week on figuring out how to end it so here we go again. From the
sounds of things I might soon be writing “Dear Stephen”. It just
doesn’t have the same ring.
But who really believes the polls? Don’t pollsters realize that 3/7 of
people polled lie intentionally (based on a 1997 Lloydly-Degrandpre
Halifax poll of a few people with a 3% margin of error nine times out
of ten). I do it all the time.
The media should spend less time focusing and creating and analyzing
and creating more polls, though I do understand how that cyclical
reliance lends more drama to the news. It make a looming election seem
like a slow motion head on collision between trains, with all the
rubber-neckers placing bets and hurling insults. It must also keep a
lot of people employed, or at the very least, a much larger lot of us
well-entertained.
The bar has been busy, well, Friday and Saturday were busy, but mostly
it’s the hours, the prep and the after-hours, the late-guests, that
have been keeping me away from my computer and by extension, you. Just
the other day I was up early, managed some errands, visited the market
for Ethnic Food Saturday with Clo and Caro, then had a long nap,
waking up just minutes before work. The work week easily becomes a
blur.
It was so busy at a concentrated point on Saturday night that Anything
Girl helped us wash and polish glasses. I have no idea from where or
how all those people came from, or why they all came at once. It’s
impossible to predict. Maybe I should conduct a poll.
Caroline left by bus early this morning to Fredericton to meet a
ride-share to Montréal. We walked her to the station in the crisp
sunshine along harbour passage. I think she had a nice visit. The
invites are done for the Port-Maurice show at the end of the month.
I’ll send you one by snail mail.
I hear Marc Garneau is having a hard time of it in Québec. Really
though, having a former astronaut ‘parachuted’ in as a ‘star’
candidate (sorry, I can’t resist) is just such easy fodder for the
witty Bloquistes as it is, but lately he’s really been putting his
foot in his mouth, comparing Québec sovereignty to the war on Iraq and
how if he could only get Gilles and André in space with him they’d
forget all about their dream of an independent Québec. Maybe he’s
still really up there, spinning along with all the TV satellites.
So aren’t you curious as to who I will vote for? Will it be the
liberal Conservative or the conservative Liberal? The distant
long-shot NDPer or the Green protest vote? I’m not sure yet if there
are any communist or independent candidates, but I could always spoil
my ballot in defiance. Anyway, I’m not sure yet. Maybe I’ll vote
Liberal if you write me back, let’s say a short little essay, minimum
five hundred words, on your favourite piece of art and why. It sounds
a bit like a bribe but not really. I know we tried this game a couple
years back so consider this your second chance. And since every seat
is going to count for you, and this time around the local Liberal
candidate isn’t running against the Bloc, and is actually an
incumbent, but in no way a guaranteed winner, my vote might actually
count. Think about it.
Actually I’m going to go visit Mr. Zed’s office at some point this
week and see what he can do about helping me draw this project to a
close. I’ve decided I can do without the drunken, debaucheries dinner
at 24 Sussex, and am willing to settle for the portrait-painting job.
I had best search through the as-yet unpacked studio boxes to find the
documentation of that particular vein of the project.
Unless, of course, the polls are on target this time ’round and you
become moot.
When stuck between a rock and a hard place, aren’t they both hard?
BTW, Kuan and Manu seem to be getting along better. Just this morning
I saw them kiss noses, just before Manu swatted Kuan a couple swift
right hooks. Kuan seems more intrigued and playful with Manu as a
result, though still has a tendency to chase her away from the food.
Speaking of which, tonight Clo and I ate at the buffet at Asian
Palace, and now can hardly move. We did manage a long walk around the
South End but sat like captive slugs tonight at home watching a goofy
Australian movie called Danny Deckchair, which wasn’t much more than a
stringing-together of almost every imaginable film cliché using actors
who I’m sure are all very popular in their native country, but have
difficulty relating reasons for that popularity to a larger audience.
Or at the very least, a smaller audience consisting of two film
critics whose eyes were bigger than their tummies.
Though now indeed I must move; the dryer alarm is sounding and there
is laundry to fold.
From: chris lloyd <dearpm@gmail.com> Mailed-By: gmail.com
To: pm@pm.gc.ca
Date: Jan 10, 2006 2:47 AM
Subject: Agent Orange tests hearings on on hold, Martin sort une carte surprise et promet un amendement constitutionnel
Dear Paul,
Sorry, I didn’t get a chance to watch the debates tonight. I cooked
supper for Claudine, and then we went to the Summerset View and Brew
screening of Raging Bull. Deniro and Scorsese did a great job; the
black and white was dramatic and the fight scenes incredible, but the
sound, as focused and specific as it was, didn’t translate as well
with the sound system. But there weren’t that many people in
attendance, perhaps a result of nasty weather.
So regarding the debates: I hear you slammed Harper over his fiscal
policy. I tend to agree: I don’t understand how cutting the GST and
various taxes will somehow result in more surpluses, despite what
their economists say. And as dithering and lacklustre as the Liberals
seem to be, I can see how the “it ain’t broke, so don’t fix it” seems
to apply to your campaign. Heck, it could even be your new slogan. You
need some sort of slogan. Who wins a campaign without a slogan?
On the other hand, one could look at your record on funding and vision
towards education, especially post-secondary, and almost be sick then
and there. What am I supposed to tell Jennie, that nice but
perfunctory RBC-loans reclamations officer when she calls again? That
is, if she can get through the messages on my cell phone, which isn’t
working because my charger up and quit on me. Surpluses on the backs
of students does not a prosperous nation make.
Speaking of which, how does one reconcile the fervour of national
unity with the perpetual scandal and blatant wrong-doing of partisian
spending? If I was a pollster I’d be real keen to see how all this,
including the release of the new Option Canada book, will play out in
Québec.
And that, combined with the bizarre manner that energy profits are
dispersed across the country, makes Canadian politics more intriguing
than most local VLTs.
Gotta go; Claudine is already asleep and I have many gallery things to
do tomorrow.
-chris
From: chris lloyd <dearpm@gmail.com> Mailed-By: gmail.com
To: pm@pm.gc.ca
Date: Jan 11, 2006 2:09 AM
Subject: Inquest called into fiery deaths, Martin, Layton et Duceppe se liguent contre Harper lors du débat des chefs
Dear Paul,
Claudine and I just came back from Moncton. We had borrowed Judy’s
Element to drive there this afternoon so we could watch Capote, which
was playing at the Université du Moncton as part of the Far Out East
Cinema film series. For some reason unknown to me the film is not
playing at any of the cineplexes, despite newspaper articles about it.
Why write about a film in a provincial newspaper if it only has two
screenings at a university?
We ate at a great vegetarian restaurant, Calactus, which we didn’t
know by name but were directed there quite easily by the girl working
in the candy shop. The food was amazing.
The film, BTW, is incredible. Philip Seymour Hoffman delivers a
spellbinding performance as Capote, who begins the film as an
entertaining sophisticate but changes with his deepening obsession and
friendship with the murderers of the Cutter family; his empathy,
yearning to understand and literary worlds rising and falling and
colliding throughout the film; just magic. That and Brokeback are my
favourite films of 2005; neither available for viewing here. What we
need is a resurgence of the film society.
I’ll get right on it after finishing up the residency grants, the next
round of CC project grants, the Gong Show, the gallery renovations and
next series of exhibitions, work a the bar, renovations at home and of
course setting up my own studio and getting some work done. First I
need to find some rabbitskin glue.
Kuan and Manu are still playing at territorial games. Kuan also seems
to draw no correlation between what she eats and what she vomits. I
think she tries on purpose to eat Manu’s share of the food. How can I
stop this?
-chris
From: chris lloyd <dearpm@gmail.com> Mailed-By: gmail.com
To: pm@pm.gc.ca
Date: Jan 13, 2006 1:01 PM
Subject: Taxman apologizes to Iqaluit residents; Layton soigné dans le privé; Harper parle du bouclier anti-missiles et Martin dans l’opposition?
Dear Paul,
I left work early last night and had Jess close up as I wanted to
finish the bookshelf in the office. The other morning, while we still
had Judy’s Element, we picked up some wood from the new Home Despot. I
outlasted Claudine this time; she got the crazy eyes and panting
breath within fifteen minutes. We lucked out at the cash; despite two
staff checking our purchases they missed a few things. I consider it
our opening week discount. When those panels get turned into art they
will already have a storied history.
The bookshelf is one of those final apartment projects before I
finally turn my attention to the studio, which I will install in the
basement. We finished the bookshelf last night, to the knocking on the
wall of the neighbours. I guess they didn’t like the occasional
hammering, but I don’t feel so bad because the shelf is a one-shot
deal, and they have a tendency to play base-heavy music during the
day. This morning Claudine filled the shelf with books. We’re both
quite happy in our domestic little bubble, reading in the tub and
cooking great meals together.
So how are things with you? Dare I ask? You’re taking a pummeling this
time ’round. Can you pull off a Rocky or Raging Bull? I had a dream
last night about soldiers in Canadian cities, a result of reading all
the furor over the pulled Liberal attack ad. The papers seem obsessed
with how badly the Liberals have run this campaign. I wonder how much
of that negative press actually affects how people ultimately vote? Do
people start to abandon their initial choices in favour of that
oh-so-Canadian strategy of voting strategically? Maybe we should try
an election campaign where the media is barred from reporting on it.
They would have to pretend that it wasn’t happening. There would still
be campaigning and debates and all that, just nothing of it in the
news. People would have to make their minds up based on their own
research into their candidates and policies.
So speaking of policies, I can hardly find anything on any parties
site that satisfies me; it’s all so vagues and wishy-washy. The
conservatives want everybody to stand up; I’m surprised they haven’t
chosen Bob Marley as their theme music. Harper listens well to his
handlers and keeps that automaton smile plastered to his face, which
effectively makes him seem even scarier and more secretive, yet also,
ironically, more prime ministerial. Your Liberals have the advantage
of using every positive government action over the past ten years as
ammunition, carefully wording everything to negate the slash and
burning of social programs in the process. The NDP make a lot of great
promises but will probably be steamrolled in the “vote strategic”
stampede. The Bloc have the advantage of a clear objective—a sovereign
Québec—and can point to Liberal corruption and thievery as a prime
example of dysfunctional federalism, but I can’t vote for them. I’m
surprised the conservatives are gaining there; must be from anglos
more frightened of an independent Québec than they are of Harper.
Basically, unless I get my 500-word essay from you on your favourite
artwork before the election I’m going to vote Green or spoil my ballot
and vote for myself. I’ll leave you with a little quote from you in
your own party platform:
“And so I would say to Canadians – your vote matters in this election
because it matters a lot who governs this country – the values they
hold, and the program they propose. The result of this election
matters for your life and for the life of Canada.”
I would suggest that none of the parties have actually listened
carefully to their constituents nor have they demonstrated how this
election matters. If ‘power’ was removed from the equation, and
parliament was a place where individuals met to govern, then perhaps
parties would only be the events people attended to celebrate and have
fun, not rigid structures more akin to professional sporting teams or
bloodless armies.
I have to go work on an artist-run centre document for an upcoming
meeting in Fredericton with arts branch officials regarding their
funding programs. Hope to hear from you soon.
-chris
From: chris lloyd <dearpm@gmail.com> Mailed-By: gmail.com
To: pm@pm.gc.ca
Date: Jan 15, 2006 3:21 PM
Subject: Avalanche kills ski guide in B.C., Duceppe demande des mesures envers les gens au fédéral mêlés à Option Canada
Dear Paul,
Again, so sorry. You know that I find it hard to write after pulling
eleven-hour shifts in the bar, especially when these shifts are
followed by late-nite ’80s-theme parties, waking up at noon to attend
brunch (No Brunch!) then running a few errands or perhaps attending an
auction before the cycle repeats.
Though it’s never really an exact repeat. A blur, yes, to be sure; all
the nights seem to blur into one long one, punctuated with moments of
eating and sleeping and other activites. Differences only in cadence
or occupancy levels. Friday night was packed all night; Saturday
definitely more muted, though later. It’s an in-the-moment thing for
me.
Jason’s ’80s party was a great time, many fabulous, well-crafted
costumes, lots of dancing, but I couldn’t catch my groove. Yesterday
after brunch with Judy and Mary, after wheeling Mary back to the
hospital in balmy, spring-like weather—Kyoto, anyone??—Judy and
Claudine and I went to a Tim Isaac auction and bought a few odds and
ends: a sort of fun open-top commode, a wacky magazine rack, a set of
metal filing cabinets, then I was back to work. There were some good
deals on Persian rugs but the one we liked, a large square one, went
too high.
Now it is Sunday, raining outside, and we went to Reggie’s for brunch
(No Brunch!), and it would be nice, so nice, to spend a lazy day
fixing up the place, cleaning, unpacking, bathing, whatever, but as it
turns out I am way behind in some gallery work and need to prepare for
the meeting in Fredericton tomorrow, need to finalize details, finish
documents, you know the drill.
I imagine you must be feeling the heat. I’d be shitting my pants right
about now if I was you; it looks like you’ve blown it, fallen victim
to the “new broom sweeps clean” mentality that is supposedly sweeping
the country. You’ve still got a week to write me back with your
500-word essay on art in order to secure my vote, but at this point
you might just want to focus on the last few Liberal bastions in
Toronto or Montréal. Salvage what you can. Prepare for early
retirement. Schedule your sitting for the official portrait-painting;
I can fit you in almost anytime.
-chris
From: chris lloyd <dearpm@gmail.com> Mailed-By: gmail.com
To: pm@pm.gc.ca
Date: Jan 17, 2006 1:29 AM
Subject: Two soldiers remain in critical condition; Martin ridiculise Harper et celui-ci pense régler le déséquilibre fiscal
Dear Paul,
Good news! The gallery has received at least one of the project grants submitted to Canada council back in the fall. This one is for the Inside/Out exhibition, featuring work by Dutch video artist Jasper van den Brink and Montreal-based artist Christopher Flower. We’re hoping to have it happen in late August but a lot depends on individual scheduling and when we can book uninterrupted time and space at the SJAC.
In other news, the provincial ARC meeting in Fredericton was cancelled today due to weather. The harsh reality of winter finally returned. I had a good conversation with Suzanne instead.
There wasn’t a huge turnout tonight at the Somerset for the screening of Reservoir Dogs. I think location and weather and timing played a role. My parents came though, and even liked it, even the ear scene.
One has to admit, structurally and thematically speaking, it is an amazing film.
Claudine had her interview for part-time PR position at the NBM today; she said it went well. Now we wait. At least a week.
In election news, Harper keeps getting the headlines and according to polls his support is rising. I do appreciate that Layton and the NDP are making some waves with their sudden about-face strategy to woo soft liberals. If the NDP are counting on the Liberals to sink, perhaps you should consider jumping ship. I don’t know if it is admirable or pathetic to behave as if you still stand a chance of winning. Admirable, only if you lose the desperation, regain some focus and take charge. Kick some ass! Everyone is getting won over by the Harper Magic Show, and sure, it will all be new and exciting for the first few months in office, sort of like a new love affair, but then the wrinkles and bad habits and Stockwell Day and Jason Kinney will start surfacing and re-surfacing and shooting their redneck ignorant jet skiing necks off and soon enough we’ll have a motley gang of incompetent monkey-fucks running the whole country and who knows what would happen then. Hidden agenda? I’m worried about their PUBLIC agenda, for cripes sake. I mean, hasn’t their economic platform been approved only by some low-ranking lackey counter-serving Burger King employee? How hard can it be to draw attention to the gaps inside their platform? Does someone need to drive the Marco Polo through it? A few times, through different holes each time? How many assholes does it take? 50%+1?
And would somebody, somewhere, please explain to me the advantages of the ‘first past the post’ political zoo we participate in? The zoo that we steadily decline in numbers to participate in. The zoo that has quickly degenerated into fascinating news fodder and gossip and mud-slinging and not much more. The zoo that will produce a government just as dysfunctional as the last, with perhaps different colours and slogans and party banners and buttons and people crossing floors and eventually blending into one another, becoming homogeneous and watered down and ineffective.
Where is the love? Where is the passion? The guts? The glory? The real?
-chris
From: chris lloyd <dearpm@gmail.com> Mailed-By: gmail.com
To: pm@pm.gc.ca
Date: Jan 17, 2006 3:53 PM
Subject: Pelletier files legal motions; Stephen Harper demande aux Québécois de lui donner des ministres
Dear Paul,
I just missed Stephen’s visit to Saint John yesterday. I didn’t know
about it. Do you have any more visits planned before the election?
Apparently Paul Zed and John Wallace are “neck and neck” in “one of
N.B.’s most hotly contested ridings”. Maybe you should stop by, give a
fiery speech and hand me my 500-word essay on your favourite piece of
art in person.
So I had neglected to tell you that yesterday we finally set up my
studio in the basement. All that remains to be done is to find a
proper desk or table, install some more lighting and sort through my
boxes of crap and supplies so I can get cracking on some new works.
portraits of you, of course, but also other commissions and of course
the new projects, like the Tim Hortons cups. I think our collection
stands at a few hundred at the moment, despite taking a long break
from collecting over the holidays.
So I’ll be interviewed by Carmen Klausen from CBC in Halifax later
today regarding the election. I think they thought of me because some
of my Jean Chrétien paintings in the AGNS collection are on display as
part of the current “Stump Speech” art and politics show. You should
tune in to CBC Halifax if you get a chance; I think it will be
featured in the last part of the afternoon show. It’s a good warm up
for the CBC forum “A Matter of Trust” that I’ll be participating in
tomorrow in Fredericton.
Also in exhibition-related news: I spoke with Jerome Grand from the
cneai (centre national de l’estampe et de l’art imprimé) today about
an upcoming exhibition there of artists’ ephemera in the exhibition
“Transmission,” which will take place from March 18th till June 4th
2006 at the Villa Arson in Nice, France. They want my letters; we
discussed binding possibilities and other installation details. Fun
stuff! I feel like a real artist again.
-chris
From: chris lloyd <dearpm@gmail.com> Mailed-By: gmail.com
To: pm@pm.gc.ca
Date: Jan 18, 2006 5:30 PM
Subject: Soldiers could return home next week, Jean Charest n’entend pas se laisser guider par Ottawa à l’étranger
Dear Paul,
I’m just off to Fredericton to participate in the CBC-sponsored round
table discussion “A Matter of Trust”. Should be fun. Hopefully the
high winds, rain and freezing rain and potential snow won’t hamper the
drive too much. I’ll write more when we get back.
-chris
From: chris lloyd <dearpm@gmail.com> Mailed-By: gmail.com
To: pm@pm.gc.ca
Date: Jan 20, 2006 1:06 AM
Subject: Air Canada facing wage talks; Stephen Harper encaisse les coups alors que Martin se démène
Dear Paul,
Had fun on the CBC panel last night, though I really only spoke up a
couple times. It went relatively smoothly, though getting 16 people to
discuss why our current political system needs an overhaul, well,
let’s just say there was lots of variety of opinion and not a whole
lot of opportunity to hone the discussion down to some finer points.
It lasted an hour and a half, was carried live throughout the province
and clips were to be replayed today on radio and TV. Afterwards we
went to eat at the Blue Door with Claudine’s friend Philippe-Antoine,
who works in Fredericton for radio-canada. It was a fun meal and
proved to myself again that I need more regular practice speaking
french.
The roads were wet and the winds were strong but we made it home OK.
The big dump of snow and freezing rain in the forecast never really
materialized. Saw no moose, either. The trucks that barrel up and down
the highways were the most nerve-wracking things on the road. What’s
the friggin’ deal? I’m sure I’ve bitched to you before about this, but
what gives truckers the right to fly along at 130 km/hr? Sure, I’ll
bet the drivers feel safe and sound high up in their steel monoliths
on wheels, high on coke or uppers or whatever, but come on! Slow the
fuck down! There should be a law. Cap the fuckers at 100, I’ll wait
the extra day or two for my avocados or bananas, cripes.
So hey, we got another CC grant, this one for bringing Kelly Mark in.
I’m thrilled; she’s got to be one of the hardest-working contemporary
artists in the country, and I count her among one of the best. Check
out her work at ireallyshould.ca. She also manages the samplesize.ca
website, a great Canadian contemporary resource art site. I’m quite
excited to get the programming for the gallery whipped into shape for
the coming months…which means also completing the provincial residency
program grant, due on February 1. No rest for the wicked.
-chris
From: chris lloyd <dearpm@gmail.com> Mailed-By: gmail.com
To: pm@pm.gc.ca
Date: Jan 21, 2006 3:19 PM
Subject: Convicted rapist returns to prison, Harper connaît des ratés et Martin croit à un “momentum” libéral
Dear Paul,
My mom emailed a joke to me this morning. I thought you might enjoy it
so here it is:
Making Canadians Happy
Paul Martin, Stephen Harper, Gilles Duceppe are flying on a plane
Martin turns to Harper and says, chuckling, “You know, I could throw a
$1000 bill out the window right now and make someone very happy.”
Harper and replies, “Well, I could throw ten $100 bills out the window
and make ten people happy.” Not to be outdone, Duceppe says, “Well I
could throw a hundred $10 bills out the window and make a hundred
people happy.” The pilot rolls his eyes and says to his co-pilot,
“Such arrogant asses back there. I could throw all three of them out
the window and make 30 million people happy.”
I wonder what Jim Harris of the Green Party would have said if he was
on the plane. Would he have thrown out a bag of 1000 loonies?
And this might be a loonie idea, but what if all the leaders followed
the same campaigning schedule? They could share the costs, cut down on
the private planes and buses, have one troupe of press corps, and each
visit would act as a mini debate, none of this stuffy, partisan
campaign rallying. I mean, what is it, politics or sports? What the
hell do inflatable thundersticks have to do with anything? Perhaps one
of the reasons why our political system has disenfranchised so many
people is because it is so seemingly artificial and pumped full of
bravado and steroids. More policy, more debate, more discussion, more
respect. Leave the thundersticks to hockey games and infants.
We had a busy night at the bar last night, but not crazy busy, more
manageable busy. I was almost late for work after staying late after
lunch with Judy and Peter and talking politics with Mark. After going
over the policies even more I’d be more than willing to vote Liberal,
but I won’t do it without your personal go-ahead. I need that essay!
500 words on your favourite work of art and why. Heck, get one of your
handlers to write it and just sign it! I’m in one of the few ridings
in the country where a few votes might separate the Liberals and the
Conservatives!
I’d rather not see a Conservative government, mostly because I prefer
socially progressive programs, because I don’t want to re-visit the
same-sex marriage issue, because I believe in the separation of church
and state, because I think they take a retrograde and blind approach
to crime and justice, because they have a poor cultural policy (all
other parties recognize an increase in funding to the Canada Council
for the Arts—with your party promising to double the funding by 2008,
which is good news for artists), because they clearly do have agendas
currently in hiding. I’d rather not see a Conservative government, but
at this point I am resigned to the fact that it will probably come to
pass. If this happens I’d like to see a heck of a lot more NDPers in
Parliament. I like Jack Layton’s approach; his call for a sort of
reverse-strategic vote, and how he refers to your party like one might
refer to a disobedient child who needs a “time out”.
It’s funny, in a sad sort of way, because it’s true.
12 years in power; that’s a long time (and I’ve been writing to a
Liberal leader for half that time; also a long time). Regardless of
the good economic record, people can be easily swayed into trying
something new just for the thrill of it. Like amusement park rides or
cheap drugs.
In my case, it could be thrilling to write “Dear Stephen” or “Dear
Steve”. For maybe a day or two.
I’m off shortly to do a major apartment cleanup. It’s a mess. Claudine
has been sick all week with something like Strep Throat and has been
feeling awful. Despite it all she’s still on the go, going to job
interviews and finishing translation contracts; last night she went to
Sessions Café to catch Joel Plaskett and Tyler Messick (which was a
great show, of course, the sort of thing I’m resigned to missing with
a weekend work schedule). We need to wash laundry, sweep, clean the
floors, vacuum, dishes, etc. The usual.
Oh, and just so you know (in case I forget to mention it to you before
you leave office), Manu is making inroads to the rest of the
apartment, coming to the front door with Kuan to greet us when we come
home, and also playing more, which means chasing Kuan as much as Kuan
chases her. She is still “odd” but at least she doesn’t spend all her
time on our bed or in the closet. They are both still vomit machines.
Perhaps they suffer “voter fatigue”?
-chris
From: chris lloyd <dearpm@gmail.com> Mailed-By: gmail.com
To: pm@pm.gc.ca
Date: Jan 22, 2006 11:09 PM
Subject: 140 soldiers leave for Afghanistan, Paul Martin lance un ultime cri du coeur aux électeurs indécis
Dear Paul,
Wow, I had no idea it was still so early. I’m exhausted and ready for bed and it’s not even ten o’clock. I guess that’s what happens if one drinks beer and wine in the afternoon.
How did this all happen?
First off, I slept in, waking up before noon, then meeting Peter at the bar to go over a bunch of details to prepare for their trip away, then meeting Claudine, collecting Katie and then Jessie and Jonas and Jonas driving us out to Rothesay. Whatever for, you might ask? Well, for a much-appreciated mid-afternoon matinee performance by Tyler Messick, followed by Joel Plaskett. The Friday and Saturday shows sold out at Sessions Café so they added a third day, which was great for me. It was a great show, a couple fantastic singer-songwriters, and I got to catch up a bit on some Halifax news with Joel. Things don’t sound good at the ‘ole Khyber, like it has really run its course. Too bad.
The music, however, was amazing.
Then we were back downtown, having supper, burgers, and half-price wine at D’Amico’s, and now I’m just exhausted.
I wanted to send out my own version of a poll, to be completed before the election, but I’m not sure if that can happen in time. In any case, here’s the poll, for you as well as for whomever might run across it on election day. Please fill it out and add it to the comments section. I’ll be emailing it out to a bunch of folks, and will post results on Tuesday.
Chris Lloyd’s federal Election 2006 Poll 22 January 2006
1. Did how the media reported on polls influence your voting decision?
2. Do you plan to vote in this election?
3. Are you voting for (a) change or for (b) a party and its specific platform or (c) your local candidate?
4. Do you find Stephen Harper ‘scary’?
5. wine or beer?
6. CSI or Six Feet Under?
OK that’s enough for now, Any longer and who would want to spend the time to fill it out. Polls suck arse.
Good luck tomorrow Paul. Remember that I would have voted Liberal if you had bothered to send me a 500 word essay on your favourite piece of art. You still have time, but barely. I’m not holding my breath, you lazy arse. I’ll be watching election results live at the Somerset Pub after a screening of Wage the Dog. I’ll down a beer for you. If you lose the election when do you stop checking this email address? I need to know when to start writing to Stephen.
It’s just so damn weird.
Especially with the whole Southern Hemisphere veering towards the Left. What the hell is wrong with us in Canada that we can’t elect an NDP government?
-chris
From: chris lloyd <dearpm@gmail.com> Mailed-By: gmail.com
To: pm@pm.gc.ca
Date: Jan 24, 2006 2:04 PM
Subject: Plane prepares to leave Germany, Les conservateurs de Stephen Harper gagnent, Martin annonce son dépar
Dear Paul / Stephen?
I’m not sure when the exact handover date is, when Stephen will get
the keys to the “pm@pm.gc.ca” account, or when Paul will have cleared
out his Inbox, so for the next few days I’ll keep writing to Paul; but
if Steve is already reading this, please let me know. Also, please let
me know if I can address you as Steve. It fits better the
single-syllable salutation.
Claudine and I drove Judy and Peter to the airport yesterday morning,
then had a nice lunch at the Beatty and the Bistro just before voting
right next door. I hadn’t heard from you (Paul) so I voted with my
heart and principles and tradition and went back to the NDP. Ran some
errands and visited with Mary. Shelled out $90 for a refurbished phone
from the crooks at Telus. Yeah, that’s right, that company is a great
big crook. Here’s their strategy:
1. Offer a free phone with a 3-year contract;
2. Phone has a 1-year warranty;
3. Phone is designed to break down completely after 1.5 years;
4. Fees to a) send phone to company and b) have phone looked at by
technicians and c) fixed by said technicians easily outstrips an
average monthly income, and;
5. Simply buying out the remaining year of contract costs double a
refurbished phone, so;
6. Yet another consumer is suckered into another useless technological gadget.
Fucking crooks! They’ll rue the day! That day in March 2007 when I
return their phones and chargers, preferable in some violent manner,
hopefully involving the CEO of the company and his dirty anus.
The phone does have a photo function which is cool. Once I figure out
how to use it I’ll send you another picture of my own butt. That’s
worth the $.25 it costs each time to email a phone-photo. Can you
believe it! Fucking crooks!
We watched the election results live at the Somerset after priming
ourselves with a screening of Wag the Dog. Almost nothing is more
frustrating than having a bunch of political commentators speculating
on what early results mean, when those early results are gleaned from
1 polling station out of 220, and those results involve maybe a dozen
votes in total. I know there is a lot of time to kill while votes are
counted, but surely they can talk about something else until things
get really close. Perhaps they could talk about how nuts people can
get while playing those ridiculous Video Lotto Terminals. That has to
be one of the most gruesome and disgusting methods for a government to
raise revenue. For anyone to say otherwise means they have never sat
in a bar for any length of time with those ridiculous noises while
vacant-eyed people pump money into the machines, with strange ‘codes
of honour’ based on how long/how much money they’ve pumped in, waiting
for the big payout. It’s fucking sick and any government making money
off these machines should have its collective head examined. Same goes
for people who allow the machines on their premises, all in the aim of
making a greedy buck. It’s nothing short of sick and pathological.
What a colossal waste of time and energy.
Now I’m even more depressed. And yesterday was supposed to be the most
depressing day of the year. Maybe my poll results will spread some
cheer. Thanks to everyone who responded over the past couple days. I
apologize for not getting the results out faster but we slept in;
Claudine’s sore throat and cold is not getting much better and we
aren’t sleeping as well.
Chris Lloyd’s Federal Election 2006 Poll 22 January 2006 (32 respondents)
1. Did how the media reported on polls influence your voting decision?
90% reported that the reporting of polls had no influence on their vote
2. Do you plan to vote in this election?
90% planned to vote
3. Are you voting for (a) change 3%
or for (b) a party and its specific platform 80%
or (c) your local candidate? 17%
4. Do you find Stephen Harper ‘scary’?
17% said no; 83% said yes. Some said ‘yes’ a little more emphatically,
which included some ‘yikes’ and a few definitelys; “less scary” still
counts as ‘scary’, as does “as scary as Mike Harris”, as does
‘stupid’. Comparisons to wolves, references to mock turtlenecks and
the late Princess Diana were also counted as ‘scary’.
5. wine or beer?
Wine and Beer ended the poll in a dead heat at 32%; close behind was
‘both’ at 29%; 7% preferred something else.
6. CSI or Six Feet Under?
SFU just edged out CSI, 33% to 27%, which was also the same percentage of folks who watched neither, often because of no TV whatsoever. 13% preferred different shows.
From: chris lloyd <dearpm@gmail.com> Mailed-By: gmail.com
To: pm@pm.gc.ca
Date: Jan 25, 2006 1:25 PM
Subject: Wounded soldiers return home safely; Harper nomme son équipe de transition et se met au travail
Dear Paul / Stephen,
Paul is still featured on the PM website so I’m still addressing you
both. Hope you don’t mind.
We had an up and down day yesterday; up early with the coughing, then
back to bed, up late, coffee in the living room awash in sunlight,
worked on gallery stuff, then headed to the market for a late lunch,
picked up groceries for supper, went for a visit with Mary, met Robyn
and Karina there, we played Sorry, had tea, came home and Claudine
made a fantastic meal, we drank some wine and continued working on
gallery stuff, media releases and posters, grants, fun.
Still haven’t made it into the studio. Am off shortly to pick up the
liquor order for happinez.
-chris
From: chris lloyd <dearpm@gmail.com> Mailed-By: gmail.com
To: pm@pm.gc.ca
Date: Jan 27, 2006 1:17 AM
Subject: Hudson’s Bay accepts Zucker’s offer; Stephen Harper et son cabinet seront assermentés le 6 février
Dear Paul / Stephen,
I’ve read that Stephen is taking over on February 6, but I’m still
going to address you both until then. Email is so fluid, I figure that
Paul could still be checking right up until that moment, or perhaps it
was the first thing to go and Stephen is reading this already. It’s
still Paul on the PM website.
Had an all-over-the-place day today. Lots of writing and web research.
Claudine made crépes for a late breakfast. We ate late but we were up
early. Her throat is better and our sleeping has improved. We drove to
Hells Creation to pick up some more wine and beer—the Picaroons Best
Bitter came in, as did the Baco Noir—and killed some time wandering
through Winners.
Couldn’t buy a thing. We were overwhelmed with the sheer amount of
stuff. And the lights. And the people. Just too much.
Grabbed some sushi from the Superstore, then visited Mary. We brought
Beatrix Potter books to read but there was an entertaining guest
visiting, a friend of Mary’s from church who had just come back from a
stay in Denmark, so we’ll read tomorrow. Then it was time for work.
Another quiet night. Wednesday and Thursdays are hard to gauge. Worked
on gallery stuff and surfed, randomly checking in on Steve Kurtz’s
progress (the US still pressing ahead with their bio terrorism
charges, despite the lack of evidence and simple common sense),
Roadsworth (who pleaded guilty to 5 minor acts of vandalism, was
essentially cleared and is now free to practice his art again, meaning
his computer and painting tools will be returned to him after almost a
year; he now has to ask permission to do graffiti, but technically so
does everybody else), went through Zeke’s Gallery (Chris sent me a
transcript of the interview we did last year), updated a bit more the
third space email list.
It is really hard to find the local high school art teachers from the
school websites. It appears as if art does not exist for them. Sad.
Worked a bit more on the provincial ARC document. Our meeting is this
coming Monday. Same day the provincial residency grant is due. Karen’s
slides came by mail the other day and I was showing them to Nick and
Katie in the bar tonight. Show and Tell.
Took Claudine to Suwarma for supper tonight. The Red Chicken Curry was
delicious. They need to do something about the ambiance, like put the
chandeliers on dimmers and add more candles and spice up the table
layout a bit, just jazz it up a bit.
-chris
From: chris lloyd <dearpm@gmail.com> Mailed-By: gmail.com
To: pm@pm.gc.ca
Date: Jan 29, 2006 12:55 PM
Subject: Vigils held for Iraq Cdn. hostages, Les ravisseurs des otages canadiens donnent “une dernière chance”
Dear Paul, Stephen,
(Hey, wouldn’t a name like Jean-Paul Stephen sound cool?)
Sorry I haven’t written the past couple days. You know how it gets for
me near the end of the week; the bar is much busier, and what with
liquor orders, handling cash and hanging out with Robyn—he’s on a
weekly work detail—I don’t have much free time. And I must visit Mary,
as I haven’t been in 2 days. Today I absolutely must finish a grant
that is due tomorrow, so the rest of my letter deals with CARFAC. I
would urge you to not only listen to their request, but follow the
link at the bottom and sign the petition.
And since you’re PM, I think you should strike a super pro-active
role, and show all us Canadians you aren’t the beast all us lefties
and bleeding hearts (and bleeding Liberals—owch!) had made you out to
be and increase funding to the Canada Council already! They’ve sat
through ten years of Liberal inaction and as a result are losing their
ability to adequately represent the wealth of artistic talent that
Canada has to offer. You’re solution of ‘less government’ is not a
solution for every problem, especially in terms of complex social
programs. There just isn’t a strong system of art-buying in Canada,
and you must come to terms with that. Realize that artists make a
living from many different revenue streams and our mixed system of
state and private funding for artists is a sort of envy throughout the
world. Cut the arts and feel our wrath—you’ll have filmmakers,
painters, poets, writers and performers of all stripes breathing down
your neck.
It is important that not just artists become more aware of CARFAC,
Exhibition Rights and a Living Wage for Artists, but also the general
public. I’m sure most people would agree that artists should not be
relegated to a life of institutional poverty because of their chosen
profession, since it is from these professions that we gain such a
rich social fabric.
Here’s the link to the <a href=”
http://www.petitiononline.com/carv2006/petition.html”>CARFAC
petition<a>, and also their <a href=” http://www.carfac.ca/”>home
page<a> for further info.
-chris
From: chris lloyd <dearpm@gmail.com> Mailed-By: gmail.com
To: pm@pm.gc.ca
Date: Jan 31, 2006 6:05 PM
Subject: Miner took stock of his life during wait; Le NPD n’a pas décidé s’il appuiera une baisse de la TPS
Dear Stephen,
I’m in a bad mood because I lost two parking tickets just hours before
trying to pay them. Let me explain. One ticket we got last week while
the Element was parked on our street. We hadn’t noticed the sign and
we were in a 2-hour limit. Fair enough. Today I got a ticket because I
was talking to Brent Mason. Let me explain. He was waiting for the bus
and I was checking out the hours for the bank. Oh, the irony. The bank
wasn’t open, I was out of the car for maybe thirty seconds and was
walking back to the Element and Brent and I exchanged hellos and he
made a wry comment on me being too busy to chat, so stay to chat I
did. When his bus came—the irony! His limo is 40-feet long—I tuned
back to the Element and there was the guy, printing the ticket. I
placed it, and the other ticket, in my bag so I could take them with
me to City Hall and lo and behold, now they are missing. Disparu. That
and a gazillion other details from today are putting me in a huge
funk. I’m behind on the residency grant, there are other deadlines
coming up, I’m exhausted from work, little sleep, bad food at Cora’s,
your daycare plan (I’ll make a little anti PC—I’m talking ‘politically
correct’ here—statement, and agree with the “beer and popcorn” comment
that was one of the many holes in the sinking Liberal ship this past
campaign. Not that I agree with the exact working, mind you, but the
overall meaning. $1200 a year for parents to do with what they please
doesn’t really amount to much, and won’t guarantee that there will be
available spots in quality daycare programs. In fact, I don’t think
that amount even covers what the average Canadian spends on beer and
popcorn in a year, yet it became a major election issue. What the
fuck? But I don’t have kids so what the hell do I know).
Anyway, I’ve been perpetually exhausted for the past few days, what
with long shifts at the bar, a nice trip to the country to visit
Jonah’s farm, then to Fredericton to meet and more or less form a
provincial ARC-association to more effectively lobby the Lord, then
there was the New Spots on the Block Tour at the bar that followed
closely (and somewhat stressful) on the heels of an ARCF private
function, and now we’re off to the hospital to meet Mary, then collect
Katie and Rich to go see a screening of The Squid and the Whale, then
we’re house-sitting tonight, and that grant is due tomorrow. I hate
feeling stressed.
-chris
DEAR PM 