DEAR PM vol.16
from chris lloyd
to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Mon, May 2, 2016 at 10:06 PM
subject Le Canada respectera le protocole contre la torture des Nations unies; What began with a fist-pump ends in tears
Dear Justin,
I am still alive. I survived the weekend, then another Monday. The weekend was warmer than the past week but still unseasonably cool. Rose was invited to a birthday party for Sunday afternoon and Clo and I ran errands at Rona for backyard and gardening supplies, then for groceries at PA. We both found it much easier hanging out with only Sol. After picking Rose up I took her to Provigo to get a few more groceries as she likes picking out the yogurts for her lunches. We skipped both swim classes as the big schoolyard cleanup had been scheduled for Sunday morning, so we were there sweeping and filling numerous garbage bags with dust and crud. Tools and T-shirts were given out by Éco-quartier, and it is amazing how much can be accomplished when so many parents show up. Many hands make light work, something along those lines. Saturday was going to be an art day but in the end only Clo went to openings at Art Mur and SBC, I hung with the kids, who watched Wall-E for the second time in the morning. It was as if the excitement of watching it the night before woke them early.
Today was our first meeting with Magalie (our gorgeous notary) to get our wills made. There are a lot of hypothetical situations we need to plan for in the case of one or both of us dying. Then the rest of the day was spent working on our taxes. Tomorrow Judith and Robert are spending the afternoon with us on a layover during their flight to Amsterdam. I sold just enough of the new works at Tuck to pay my studio rent. Money starting to get tight.
-chris
from chris lloyd
to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Wed, May 4, 2016 at 11:18 AM
subject Trudeau annoncera mercredi la date du sommet avec les É.-U. et le Mexique; ‘Like driving through the apocalypse’: Residents capture unbelievable videos of Fort McMurray fire
Dear Justin,
I am still alive. I survived Judith and Robert’s layover and visit yesterday, which was a fun whirlwind of an afternoon. Clo picked them up at the airport as she needed to get a new phone – she lost hers at Rennaissance yesterday. They met me at Haricana for lunch then we walked to Emily’s studio to see the progress on the Jackalope for Hopscotch. Then it was a quick stop at Magasin Géneral to see the old painted brick wall (inspiration for the forthcoming Picaroons mural in St. Steven), then we had a couple bottles of wine and beers at our place while Judith gave us design tips and helped re-decorate. She had us change the orientation of our Gus sofa so it points towards the kitchen, giving us more room in the living room and just making more sense. Then they were whisked back to the airport in a cab leaving us slightly drunk in the late afternoon to pick up the kids. We had ice cream and played at the park until I had to run home quickly to avoid an accident with Sol (we were too late) so then it was cleanup spraydown in the shower, then we made supper and were a tad late getting the kids to bed. Sol woke me at 3:20 to go into bed with him and I couldn’t get back to sleep, my mind racing and feeling anxious, almost like having heart palpitations, just stressed about death. Also Judith is really pushing hard for us to move back to NB asap, and for the first time in many years it seems Clo is willing to consider it before the kids go through elementary school here in Québec. The Couillard government is making it really, really hard to keep us here. Austerity sucks. Pulling money out of public schools, seeing the state of the schools, the cutbacks, it’s depressing. We could buy that crazy castle with the 4 apartments and turn it into the Atlantic Centre for the Arts, host residencies and research projects. The asking price on that castle has dropped from $1.5-million to $350K in about six years or so. Now we’re stressed about potentially taking a big risk and uprooting and moving as early as next year. No wonder I feel anxious. No more coffee or other stimulants for the remainder of the day. Off to finish taxes and then install a new lighting fixture for S. Roberts.
-chris
from chris lloyd
to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Thu, May 5, 2016 at 4:01 PM
subject Les libéraux modifient déjà la Loi sur l’accès à l’information; Fort Mac isn’t karma — any blame is shared by all of us
Dear Justin,
I am still alive. I survived the 2016 Census. I do believe we received the Long Form as it took me almost an hour to fill out. It was handy that I am also working on our 2015 taxes right now as I needed some of those numbers, like our municipal and school taxes, our mortgage payments and how much we spent on Childcare. I clicked ‘yes’ to allowing the information top become public in 92 years, or in 2108, long after we are dead.
Spending the day at home, working on texts and continuing a process of Spring Cleaning: organizing shelves, plants, papers. Trying to reduce but I freeze when push comes to shove. It’s hard to overcome my packrat tendencies. Have been listening to an audio book by Dr. Laura Markham called Peaceful Parent, Happy Kid, all about building connections and how destructive discipline can be – even consequences. Hope we haven’t damaged Rose too much. Off to switch a lighting cord in the kitchen before getting the kids. Have been feeling down in the dumps lately, not sure why. Like I can’t find the joy. Nothing to do with the Apocalypse raining down on Fort McMurray.
-chris
from chris lloyd
to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Mon, May 9, 2016 at 11:03 AM
subject Les vétérans ne devraient pas imiter Wali, enjoint Harjit Sajjan; Scenes from inside Fort McMurray: Eye-stinging smoke, scorched earth and the non-uniformed arrested on sight
Dear Stephen,
I am still alive. I survived the weekend. We watched Spirited Away and Howl’s Moving Castle, both enjoyed thoroughly by Rose and Sol – though Sol found the part when Chihiro’s parents were turned into pigs quite unsettling. I hadn’t realized – or I had forgotten – what a huge success Spirited Away was when it first came out. It’s on the British Film Institute’s top 50 films to see before the age of 14, of which as a family we’ve only seen 9. Not bad, Rose has 8 years to go.
Saturday we hosted a big brunch in our backyard for Clo and some of her friends from their Abidjan days (Clo lived their for a few years as a tween; she learned English there). The weather was nice for once, it turned to a cold rain on Sunday and it’s even colder today. Yesterday we stopped briefly at Victor’s birthday party, it was initially going to be held outdoors but it was cold and rainy on Sunday. Even colder today! What’s up with the weather? Oh right, it’s behaving erratically, just as scientists have been predicting for the past couple decades. We’re reaping what we sowed. Is now a good time to talk about rebuilding Fort Mac as a sustainable energy and food producing super-power?
How is it 11am already? All I’ve done this morning is file my EI claim, and read online articles about Spirited Away, Monsanto and the Bible. I need to get cracking on my CV as there are technician positions open at the NGC that I will apply for, even though I do not want to move to ottawa nor commuter there, but the salary is good and it would be a great place to work I think.
-chris
from chris lloyd
to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Wed, May 11, 2016 at 11:47 PM
subject Arabie saoudite: Ottawa n’annulera pas le contrat de blindés; Ghomeshi’s year-and-a-half of rehabilitation management undone in minutes by Borel
Dear Justin,
I am still alive. I’m surviving, surviving it all: some mild depression, paralysis and occasional anger. Also, the past few days I was called to help with the installation at Clark of a retrospective of Mathieu Lefevre. I knew he had made a lot of work but I didn’t realize just how prolific he was; there is a lot of work in the Clark show, and it isn’t even all of it. You know he was killed on his bike in Brooklyn in 2011 right? The curators of this retrospective contacted a medium to try to contact him; I’m a bit of a sceptic when it comes to contacted the dearly departed, mostly because if humans have been evolving on this planet for a million years or more, what could all those departed spirits be doing now? Is there a time-limit on being a ghost? Maybe there is. Anyway, he apparently made a will as an art project during a residency in Baie-Saint-Paul whereby he left all his work to the MACM for an exhibition, but regardless of whether the will was notarized or not the MACM politely declined. Can you imagine the chaos if every museum asked to take works were obliged to do so? Utter chaos, but lots of work for the conservationists, archivists, registrars and technicians, not to mention the curators, writers, translators and of course the educators, more storage and exhibition spaces…it would be kind of Utopia, actually. Makes me wonder if I should be more playful or detailed with my own will, which we are signing into permanence next week. Anyway, I’m working again tomorrow morning before meeting Marie Josée for coffee and hopefully to discuss the fallout from the whole CPC infiltration, the election campaign, the dear PM letters. maybe see if there is some interest in exhibiting.
Met Kim this afternoon to go over taxes 2015, then the kids had a playdate and had supper here, then just after the kids fell asleep Pascal and Sarah stopped by for a nightcap – they have just returned back to Montreal – then I applied for a technician position at the National Gallery of Canada, but what is also on my mind now is the fact that James has left DHC and I am wondering should I let them know I would be interested in working there again? Am I interested?
If your goal is peace, cancel the Saudi armoured vehicle contract. And take bold and rapid steps to moving to a renewable economy and a more fair and inclusive and representative electoral process.
I need to get some sleep. -chris
from chris lloyd
to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Fri, May 13, 2016 at 11:25 AM
subject Vente de Rona à Lowe’s: Ottawa donne le feu vert; Conservatives and NDP blast Trudeau’s wife for wanting extra staff to help with her official duties
Dear Justin,
I am still alive. I survived the final day of install at Clark yesterday, leaving at 5:30 to get the kids, then threw a supper together of leftovers and then Dimitri came over to babysit and Clo and I Bixied to the Mile End and grabbed a quick bite and a drink at Larry’s before hitting the Mathieu Lefèvre opening, which was packed to the gills and beyond being a moving tribute and retrospective but it is also a really good show. Then it was to BethlehemXXX for a nightcap with Iliana and her new beau. And now I’m off to the Belgo to collect a cheque from SBC and attend a Skol board meeting. I realized by going through my archive of Dear PM letters that I had my first board meeting at Skol back in 2009 during Mathieu’s solo show there. I asked Claudine how long a ghost would theoretically stay in contact with the living and she said so long as there were people alive to remember the departed, which makes more sense. Sometimes I wonder if I’m losing my grip on reality and that I am actually dead already, and my current existence is just reliving memories. And that makes me sad, and makes me feel I need to spend more time with my kids.
-chris
from chris lloyd
to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Mon, May 16, 2016 at 10:24 AM
subject Transgenres: Ottawa déposera un projet de loi mardi; From language troubles to the female body, foreign doctors training in Canada can face challenges: study
Dear Justin,
I am still alive. I survived the weekend, which entailed shopping for garden items at Home Despot before a birthday party for a couple of Rose’s friends in Parc Jarry on Saturday before le Bal de Printemps in the schoolyard, which experienced perfect weather up until the rain began. Sunday turned unbearably cold, after swim lessons I took the kids to the Forum to watch Zootopia, a great film about racism and stereotypes. Today it’s even colder to the point of snowflakes swirling around so I’ve brought the plants inside. I have a long list of things to do today so am going to get cracking and not about Facebook at all any more for the rest of the day and just do the things on my list and not procrastinate. No procrastination here! Gonna finish our taxes, prepare invoices, send emails, get a family doctor, work on my CALQ grant, measure the front steps, replace rotting deck boards, build a shelf, change some lightbulbs, get some paint swatches, work on my website, cancel needless subscriptions and monthly donations (too poor), wash some laundry, clean the kitchen, organise my tool room, install a new doorknob on our interior basement door, add a light to the basement, and prepare supper for the kids. Gonna do it all and all before 4.
-chris
from chris lloyd
to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Tue, May 17, 2016 at 12:18 PM
subject Ottawa dépose son projet de loi pour protéger les transgenres; Liberals sent scrambling after opposition ambush tests government’s majority in vote
Dear Justin,
I am still alive. I survived another Monday. I made a meatless meatloaf for our family meal. I only managed to strike off about 1/3 the items on my list from yesterday, but nailed another third already this morning before lunch. Clo and I had an appointment with our notary to sign our final will and testament, so that’s a big thing off the big list. Now we can die knowing that financially our kids will be OK. Or at least, they won’t have to worry about paying the mortgage. I’m still feeling blue, I hesitate to call it depression but it’s definitely a type of dark lethargy that almost borders on misanthrope. I wonder if the book on Debt has anything to do with it? Or just the usual anxiety about money and whether I should bother making art. There’s too damn much to do around the house. Off to collect a 24″x24″ Tim Horton found cups photograph to send out west. Also I need to move the car for Tuesday street cleaning.
-chris
from chris lloyd
to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Thu, May 19, 2016 at 10:29 AM
subject Trudeau accusé d’avoir brusqué Ruth Ellen Brosseau aux Communes; Commons gets Old Testament when Liberals move to take control of House procedure
Dear Justin,
I am still alive. I survived the last free night at the MAC for the Ragnar Kjartansson show. On top of that there was an opening for Edmund Alleyn, so the place was packed to the gills. I didn’t even see his show, not the Jean-Pierre Gauthier nor the Ryoji Ikeda. We did see Ryan Gander but just a quick look-see, and the kids of course liked the googly eyes the most. Rose had already seen the Ragnar show, but it was Sol who became impatient to leave early, whining to go back outside to climb on the tree trunks just as the Visitors was building to its crescendo. It is quite a beautiful and haunting piece, but I wonder how much of it is due to Kjartansson himself or just luck and circumstance. It feels to me that that kind of work – multiple performers, the sense of a recorded jam session, composing musical scores amongst friends, doesn’t that happen all over the first world all the time? He was given the means (let’s talk money here) to make a multi-channel installation out of what privileged teenagers do in their bedrooms and basements all the time. Even privileged teenagers in their twenties and thirties. Why do we valorise him so? Sure the SS Hangover was amazing as well, one of my favourite pieces ever (it was at the Venice Biennale in 2013 – I have a bad Youtube video of it on my art channel). But I wonder if the heaps of praise and success granted to artists of Ragnar’s generation is not a contributing factor towards my frequent deep dark waves of depression? While at DHC I worked alongside international art stars and have an idea of how it works and it angers me because I don’t want to play that game: the endless networking, schmoozing, self-promotion, partying, well-healed collectors, gallerists… do I have a tainted view of it all? The publicly-funded ARC model annoys me too, all committee-driven and completely undervalued in the other direction. Is there a happy medium? Yesterday morning I started sending out emails to various friends and contacts across the country to kickstart the Dear PM travelling exhibition for 2017-18 and even THAT exercise leaves a bad feeling in my mouth, as I feel like a fraud for asking for space. I’m not worthy, this stupid obsessive pointless letter-writing exercise is just a foolish waste of time, navel-gazing at its wost. I know some theorists would back it no problem: it’s a repudiation of the 9 to 5 enslavement, a rejection of capitalism, blah-blah, but is it really art? Where’s the love? Would I rather be making pretty pictures? I can’t compete on that level either, having squandered away my talents on neo-conceptual ephemeral projects of no enduring quality. Fuck no wonder I’ve been depressed. At least I have an amazing partner who still seems to love me (despite my lacking wardrobe and fashion sense) and two awesome kids who also still love me. Life is good. Now off to finish the repairs to the front deck before meeting with Marie-Josée Jean from Vox this afternoon to discuss the Dear PM projects… but also good news as yesterday I started to come out of the recent wave of dark thoughts so I am a little more functional, a little more efficient, and if we find a babysitter we will go out dancing tomorrow night in a warmup to MUTEK.
-chris
from chris lloyd
to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Fri, May 20, 2016 at 2:00 PM
subject Aide internationale: le Canada prône une «approche féministe»; Enough with the nice stuff. Ottawa returns to normal
Dear Justin,
I am still alive. I survived #elbowgate. What a crock. Also survived replacing the final rotten boards on our front porch and caulking the edges. You won,t believe this but last night just before bed Sol fell into his bedroom wall on the EXACT SAME SPOT he fell last month, and again a couple weeks ago at daycare, and ANOTHER MASSIVE BUMP appeared. And, as is his way, he refused any application of ice or even a cool towel. Clo did manage to smear some vanilla on it after he fell asleep. It was already late when it happened as I was strolling around and through the market with the kids after school and daycare, snacking and grazing for supper. We kept him up a little longer to make sure he didn’t have concussion symptoms, but he was tuckered out and probably had a headache, but this morning he seemed fine, and excited to see his Mami, who went to the symphony last night and stayed overnight in the Hobbit Hole, Gilles is coming today and they will watch the kids so Clo and I can go dancing. I’m still working on the CALQ grant, compiling letters and additional information requested, and continuing to develop the DEAR PM tour in anticipation of an October application to the Next Chapter bonus CC grants. But now, now I’m going to go and grind some rust and chipping paint from the porch railings. Denis lent me his grinder and the sun is out.
-chris
from chris lloyd
to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Wed, May 25, 2016 at 1:43 PM
subject Stephen Harper quittera la politique d’ici peu; Crown accuses defence of ‘hauling out rape myths’ at Toronto trial involving two doctoral students
Dear Justin,
I am still alive. I survived the long weekend. I didn’t do anything patriotic: we spent the weekend at home working on the yard and garden, after a night out dancing on Friday where I took only one tiny dose of MDMA and then we hosted a dinner party on Sunday (to enjoy the new backyard “lounge” area) and then the neighbours over on Monday just before Amanda arrived – she is staying with us for a week as she puts the final touches on her film Spectres of Shortwave, which I saw on Tuesday morning at the NFB in a very nice screening theatre. We watched a 2K DCp of the film in 5.1 sound, it was very good! I think her film will do well on the festival circuit, a nice balance of experimental film and documentary. Yesterday and today is more work on the front deck and railings, it is taking too much time and what i would really rather do is shave my beard and have a nap. I’m feeling tired but at least I’m not so depressed anymore. OK back to railings and getting trellis.
-chris
from chris lloyd
to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Thu, May 26, 2016 at 4:03 PM
subject Enlèvements: Trudeau, au G7, pousse pour un refus de payer toute rançon;
Dear Justin,
I am still alive. I survived the second coat of paint on the front deck and railings. They survived the brief rain yesterday afternoon and when it stopped Rose and I picked up Sol in the buggy and we cycled down to that café on Waverly where we almost moved Skol 2 years agio already, where Dimitri was presenting some of his woodwork for his school’s year-end exhibit. Clo got stressed from the kids being a bit wild and that sent me into a spiral of bad mood, I then threw Rose’s helmet at her once we arrived home and she refused to hang it up, and that made me in a worse mood, as you can imagine. This morning Clo had to discuss again with me how my depressive phases are affecting the whole family. So then I finished the 2 coats of paint on the front deck and railings and then spent 2 bloody hours in the car because Montreal the city is a clusterfuck of never-ending construction projets, all for 5 minutes to pick up a couple bags of compost and a few strips of trellis. This didn’t help my mood, my hearing is blocked in one ear and also I hear a constant ringing in that ear, and I’m tired, and mad at myself for not getting the CALQ grant done and mad at myself in general. I’m feeling a lot of anger, do you have any tips on how to get over it? I’m trying to ignore Facebook, I think I need to ignore all the news; it’s rarely positive.
-chris
from chris lloyd
to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Fri, May 27, 2016 at 12:00 PM
subject Stephen Harper fait ses adieux à ses troupes; ‘This isn’t what Liberals are about’: Some party members bristling over perceived efforts to quash dissent
Dear Justin,
I am still alive. Still feeling blue, and unmotivated. I think I should get help, but can’t be bothered. -chris
from chris lloyd
to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Mon, May 30, 2016 at 1:20 PM
subject L’allocation pour enfants pourrait compliquer la tâche aux parents divorcés; Toronto school calls Liberals’ bluff on ‘essential’ sex-ed curriculum
Dear Justin,
I am still alive. Still depressed, but still alive. -chris
from chris lloyd
to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Tue, May 31, 2016 at 3:47 PM
subject Ottawa pourrait aussi imposer l’emballage neutre à la marijuana; From bakeries to billions: Inside the Weston family’s takeover of Canada’s dinner plates and its retail appetites
Dear Justin,
I am still alive. Still a bit depressed, but not as bad as yesterday, so things must be improving. I feel I can talk to people today, for example. I worked on the CALQ grant all day today, and just might be able to send it in before getting the kids. If my goalie video loads in time. And if a few letters of support come in. I had another rejection from The Rooms; I don’t think I am ever destined to go to Newfoundland. Once the grant is submitted the final 3-4 month wait begins!
-chris
DEAR PM 