DEAR PM vol.17
from chris lloyd
to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Dec 3, 2017, 10:46 PM
subject Trudeau et Xi se confronteront sur le libre-échange; Key meeting for the U.K.’s PM May as Brexit talks enter decisive phase
Dear Justin,
I am still alive. I survived Rose’s birthday party on Saturday, which involved pinning the tail on the donkey – I painted a donkey on the Painting I had made for my grad show at nscad in 1999 – and the kids all made their own tails, but the game went quickly (I think they could see through the blindfold), and then we played musical chairs outside, then ate the cake (a Betty Crocker mix I made with the kids Friday), then opened gifts, then free play (team hide-n-seek), and it was exhausting, and seemed to involve the same level of preparation as an adult party. Rose was happy, which was the whole point, even though Sol was a jealous younger brother, and wanted to open all her gifts. There was more bickering and minor crisises with Sol today as we hosted Femke for the day, and went swimming at Patro in the afternoon. I refused his demand to watch more Octonauts after supper which led to a long and violent outburst (the bag of recycling is still upended on the kitchen floor, awaiting him to help clean it up tomorrow). I think the poor guy was just overwhelmed and overtired this weekend. Clo went out tonight to watch The Square, and after putting kids to bed I watched Moonlight. Now another episode of RuPaul,s Drag Race before bed. Tomorrow I have another blood test, then it has to be a productive studio day. I have 10 days (self-imposed deadline) to get some work to Judith, and then after the holidays, find a job, or many jobs. Find money, money to pay these damn debts which add to my depression and keep me from doing anything.
-chris
from chris lloyd
to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Dec 11, 2017, 8:44 PM
subject Taxe sur le cannabis: 75 % des revenus aux provinces; Canadian government moves to strip citizenship of man accused of Bosnian war crimes
Dear Justin,
I am still alive. I am surviving. The depression is making a comeback, after last week where it was manageable and I thought I was making headway. I was getting work done in the studio. Judith even offered to buy a bunch of the paintings outright, but I feel that is too generous. Then the weekend happened and all the cross fit classes were full and Clo was working and I felt a bit spun out of control. Took the kids to le Patro Saturday morning to participate in a neighbour’s multi-sport class, but walking there and back had us rushing to get Rose to Femke’s b-day party and I had Sol with me and went to the performative talk by Ashon Crawley – whose paintings I had hung on Friday, just before a power outage in the Belgo, and just after the protests in front of the US Consulate over Trump’s Jerusalem statement. By Sunday I was feeling that dark cloud again, and Clo had let me sleep in but had also finished decorating the Xmas tree with Sol and Rose (we had picked it up Friday after school – Sol is very excited about all things Christmas. I wish that thinking about the holidays, and gifts, and shopping and parties didn’t give me such dread and anxiety). I took the kids swimming at le Patro but was just not into it, and last night Clo and I watched Mudboubd, which obviously wasn’t going to cheer me up, and then this morning couldn’t get out of bed. Well, I did get up to make Rose’s lunch, but then Sol wanted me to cuddle in bed and I couldn’t get back up, and slept until noon, and then spun around the house in slow motion, avoiding the Internet (except for some podcasts) and the studio and anything useful, wallowing, and hating myself more for not breaking out of it. Now I’m going to read some artist statements for the MFA students for the critiques that Amanda asked me to sit in on this coming Friday and Saturday. It pays well, but also makes me feel worse about my own stagnating art career. When will the Prozak kick in?
-chris
from chris lloyd
to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Dec 12, 2017, 10:46 PM
subject Charlottetown bientôt reconnue dans une loi comme berceau de la Confédération; Liberals acted unethical in secretive appointment of new ethics commissioner, opposition says
Dear Justin,
I am still alive. I managed to get out of bed this morning, go to Cross Fit, came home for lunch and then went to a session with my Psychotherapist. I’m feeling a bit better today, and avoiding the studio (and the attendent stresses) seems to help. And just checking now to see that the far right religious fanatic wingnut Ron Moore seems likely to lose the Alabama special senate election, which is heartwarming. I listened to a piece about his crazy ten commandments monument he had installed in the foyer of the Alabama Supreme Court and then refused to move it even after a court ordered it – and this guy is a judge?
-chris
from chris lloyd
to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Dec 14, 2017, 9:34 PM
subject Allégations: un employé du bureau de Justin Trudeau en congé; Eat like a snake? The five top diet trends Canadians searched for in 2017
Dear Justin,
I am still alive. My phone, barely. Yesterday, after meditating with the Headspace app, I plugged my phone in to charge and it kept beeping, which I realized was the phone rebooting every minute or two. It did that for the rest of the day, interrupting whatever program I was using. I took it to a Rogers kiosk at Centre Rockland, where I was shopping for some Christmas gifts, and the salesperson told me to do a factory reset. The shopping stressed me out, as it always does. I never know what to get, and the hyper-consumerism of the holiday season drives me crazy. I managed to find a few things and …
I’m back. Had to run out for my session with Yaël. Yesterday after shopping I shovelled out Jesse’s car so he could drive himself – and me and the kids – to SRoberts annual Hanukah candle-lighting party. Met Clo there, we took the metro home, the kids were in bed late.
So this morning I fixed my phone, the factory reset worked, then I backed it up from iCloud but my apps weren’t loading so I wiped it clean again. My photos are updated, though I have yet to go through our photos of the kids from the past year to make the annual booklets for family. I’m not going to stress about it, I’m trying to take it easy and treat myself gently and not pile on too much responsibility, it aggravates the depressive condition. I did tackle Toys R Us, found a few things, and ventured into Walmart but left empty- handed, finding nothing worthwhile. Found a couple sleds on sale at B&B which was a pleasant surprise, and saved me a trip to Rona or Canadian Tire. Picked up some groceries then the kids, bought some bath salts that Rose has been working on the past couple weeks at le Marché de Noël at her school. They smell like the steam room at the spa, and will make great gifts. Fed the kids, and made a paté chinois for tomorrow and weekend, and put the kids to bed, and set up the little village and lights while listening to a CBC Ideas podcast on decolonization while ignoring Sol’s constant patter of commentary because of course he never falls asleep before 9pm, and tonight has chosen to sleep on the couch. I’m off to bed myself now, I have MFA evaluations all day tomorrow at Concordia, the school that I applied to twice (first as an undergrad, then for an MFA), and was denied both times, which I think has always fuelled in part my inferiority complex.
-chris
from chris lloyd
to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Dec 17, 2017, 10:29 PM
subject Rex Tillerson sera à Ottawa la semaine prochaine; United Conservative Party house leader was wrong, but it didn’t hurt his party
Dear Justin,
I am still alive. I survived the 2 days of MFA crits, Pascal’s studio party and the Clark party Friday, which went really late though I abstained from drinks and drugs, as well as a dinner party chez nous last night with Pip, Sarah, Ursula and Angela, which also went late due to great conversation. Poor Sol had a meltdown at 10:30 from exhaustion, we had let the kids stay up as late as they wanted. Today I did Cross Fit Bootcamp at noon, then we had a visit from Greg and Rebecca, then Clo went out to meet up at Bota Bota with the dinner party crowd from last night. I noticed that at all the events this weekend my anxiety was kept in check, and I was more talkative and social than usual, so maybe the meds are working? I’ve also decided, with much prodding from peers, that I should start growing mushrooms. I’ll research it as soon as I get the Xmas gifts wrapped and sent off to NB tomorrow.
-chris
from chris lloyd
to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Dec 19, 2017, 4:22 PM
subject Rex Tillerson à Ottawa: la Corée du Nord à l’ordre du jour;People are vanishing from Toronto’s LGBTQ safe space. Now community fears that their haven is becoming hunting ground
Dear Justin,
I am still alive. I am managing to accomplish 2-3 things per day. Today it was Rose’s lunch and breakfast for the kids and I, then walking to Cross Fit (a tough one, power ups, rowing and toes to bar. I really hate rowing, it kills me), walking home, eating more, reading more from Debt (still not finished), wrapping gifts, taking metro to Yaël, minor groceries (tofu for tonight), finished wrapping and packing the gifts to go on the bus to NB tomorrow, now about to go upstairs to borrow a copy of Plenty for cooking from over the holidays (I have perfected the rice with herbs, and make it frequently, but there are many other recipes we want to try), and then getting the kids, and then visiting Denis who wants to show them his Christmas decorations, a shame the morning snow has turned to rain. During my travels today I listened to The Daily (my new favourite podcast), and part two of Our Town, a recent This American Life podcast, and I made time to meditate for 10 minutes (I literally fell asleep in my chair at the end). Still no studio work since over a week ago but I feel that is OK. My mental health is a priority now, and I don’t think I ever made time or space for it before.
-chris
from chris lloyd
to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Dec 23, 2017, 11:26 PM
subject Un interprète ukrainien, soupçonné d’être un espion russe, dans le bureau du PM; Former Montreal Symphony Orchestra conductor Charles Dutoit denies sexual misconduct allegations
Dear Justin,
I am still alive. I survived a visit to the Biodome today with Sol, Rose and Lowell. It was a great outing, entertaining and educational. We stayed a long time, watched a marionettes play, and made a stop at the seesaws at Place des Spectacles, in the snow, before heading home on the metro. Clo was cleaning and organizing the house, and tonight I baked a cake and cooked one of the Ottolenghi recipes for Christmas Day. To celebrate Christmas Eve I made a series of treasure hunt notes for the kids to follow tomorrow morning, which will lead them to all the remaining chocolates, currently hiding on top of the toaster in a drawer in the kitchen. I wonder if the kids actually know where we store the toaster?
-chris
DEAR PM 