DEAR PM vol.17
from chris lloyd
to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Nov 3, 2017, 10:14 PM
subject «Barbie du climat»: la ministre de l’Environnement hausse le ton; Ontario gas plants trial turns into theatre of the absurd
Dear Justin,
I am still alive. Still at the CCA, falling behind on this platform construction, worried it won’t work out, the platform is not square, the tiles not lining up properly. Have been too worn out at the end of each day to do much more than read a bit of New Yorkers or watch a bit of Bojack Horseman, No work happening in studio. Big party tomorrow night at Michel and Nathalie’s house, a post-Halloween Nature Mort-themed party. I may have to work Sunday, post-party. I already voted last week, for Valerie Plante and Projet Montreal, last week at the advance polls. Who do you think is going to win?
-chris
from chris lloyd
to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Nov 11, 2017, 10:35 PM
subject Loi sur la neutralité religieuse: Trudeau réfléchit à ses options; Julie Payette joins Canadians in Ottawa to pause and reflect on sacrifices for Remembrance Day
Dear Justin,
I am still alive. I survived a 50-hour work week at CCA this past week, cutting sheet after sheet, piece after piece of a valchromat for the furniture and the flooring. I’ll get a few hours of time and half, which maybe makes breathing all that formaldehyde worth it. I’m working again tomorrow, Sunday, because there is still so much to do, including assembling a 20-foot long lightbox over a 20-foot long table. I expressed my doubts the other day to Sebastien that I think the 2 lightboxes are potentially unsafe and he has a plan B which includes hanging them from the ceiling. Everyone else was working today as well, but Claudine had an opening at Oboro and had to work all day and so I was home with the kids. My mood turned dark and depressed again but luckily Oona’s mom offered to take the kids for a few hours in the afternoon so I could buy groceries. I couldn’t get out of the blue funk. Oona is sleeping over and so I prepared supper for them and the girls are still awake, listening to Kids United inside a cabane they’ve built over Sol’s bed – he’s in with me. I’ve been suffering from headaches from life lately, and only getting to Crossfit once per week. I have no motivation to do anything, and am starting to feel the dread of the upcoming Christmas season with gifts to buy, when all I really want to do is hibernate.
-chris
from chris lloyd
to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Nov 15, 2017, 9:57 PM
subject Un ancien collecteur de fonds du PLC meurt d’une surdose de drogue; Winnipeg teacher, 27, and British friend found dead in Cambodia while on backpacking trek
Dear Justin,
I am still alive. I survived the contract with the CCA, and my final three working days there (from Sunday to Tuesday) I logged 32 hours. Monday night by 1am I was a zombie. And now I am more depressed than I have been in some time. I’m seeing a shrink tomorrow and hopefully she will prescribe me some anti- depressants because I don’t think I can face the holiday season without something to turn my mood around. I feel like I am a complete failure and bad person, I have no desire or motivation or passion for anything. I just don’t care. Is this SAD or something more? Feels like a deep malaise, and I don’t know if I can shake it. I guess the bulk of it comes from money, from debt, from living paycheck to paycheck. When there is a paycheck; the lack of pay doesn’t help. Speaking of EI I have been summoned to a meeting tomorrow to help me “re-enter the labour market”. What else is getting to me lately? Montreal traffic is always a good cause for grief and rage. Today I took the car to crossfit as I was planning to pick up and return a karaoke machine from Oboro. What a mistake! It took me twenty minutes just to get down to St. Zotique. I was fifteen minutes late for crossfit and the WOD was crazy-hard, the “Filthy Fifty” do you know it? At least I was able to work out some of my internalized road rage. Then at Oboro Clo told me about a talk Micah Lexier was giving at UQAM at 12;45 so off we went, and hearing one of my art heros talk about his great projects of course fills me with inconsolable doubts about my own so-called practice, which I then don’t do anything about because I would rather watch Bojack Horseman or read the New Yorker. Did you see that piece on the Sacklers? Can you think of any wealthy Canadian philanthropist that got rich through dubious means? Your buddy Stephen Bronfman is on the board of the CCA, his money comes from Seagrams, one can’t really blame the maker of alcohol for the societal problems that stem from its’ misuse, right? He does so much good with his millions and of course it is best that the lions’ share be kept safe offshore from the Candian Revenue Agency.
-chris
from chris lloyd
to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Nov 16, 2017, 10:27 PM
subject Canada et opérations de maintien de la paix: «La montagne accouche d’une souris», selon un expert; Ontario government moves to force an end to five-week-long college faculty strike but NDP blocks them
Dear Justin,
I am still alive. I survived the EI meeting and a visit with SRoberts and Gloria and then my first session in psychotherapy. AI thought breaking down in tears on the way home yesterday and in the Provigo parking lot got something out of my system, but then I was a babbling away in front of a complete stranger on the couch today, trying to get to the roots of my depression and fearing that maybe I’ve always been this way. Is it getting worse or am I just losing my touch in covering it up? Or just losing the will to cover it up.
-chris
from chris lloyd
to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Nov 20, 2017, 10:44 PM
subject L’éthique du ministre Morneau à nouveau attaquée en Chambre; Here’s the full recording of Wilfrid Laurier reprimanding Lindsay Shepherd for showing a Jordan Peterson video
Dear Justin,
I am still alive. And on day one of life taking anti-depressants. I was supposed to go to Anne’s house to rip up vinyl tiles and sand the wood floors of their second-floor landing (shared with their neighbours – they are selling, they are moving into their new house in January), but decided to run to the clinic first, thinking that they still had that rappel à texto service, but they didn’t, and so I just waited. For six hours. Then the doctor I saw was only going to prescribe me light therapy, for the SAD, but I was like, I need to try anti-depressants, so he gave me a prescription for Prozac. Took my first pill tonight, though it apparently takes 3-6 weeks to take effect. In other news, my folks are driving up tomorrow for a visit, and Trev and Tamara and Jordyn are coming on Wednesday for a night. Talk about Full House!
-chris
from chris lloyd
to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Nov 27, 2017, 10:22 PM
subject Minorités sexuelles: Ottawa versera 100 millions en dédommagements; Charges dropped against highest-profile catch by Toronto police in international fraud probe
Dear Justin,
I am still alive. I am surviving the darkening days with the aid of my vitamins, light therapy, and fluoxetine (Prozac – though not sure if it has kicked in yet, having only been one week). I attended Cross Fit at 10am. I added another coat of plaster to the patch job at Anne’s, having finished four coats of varnish on her hallway floor last week. I dropped the car off at the Canadian Tire garage to have the winter tires put on and an oil change. I started cleaning up the studio. I made the Ottolenghi rice to accompany supper tonight (my mom made chicken, squash and beans). Tomorrow Clo and I taking a spa day in the afternoon, and I have another meeting with my psychoanalyst, whom I see twice per week. She charges me $60 per session. Do you see a therapist?
-chris
from chris lloyd
to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Nov 29, 2017, 10:44 AM
subject Justin Trudeau nomme Sheilah L. Martin à la Cour suprême du Canada; Justin Trudeau appoints Sheilah Martin to the Supreme Court of Canada
Dear Justin,
I am still alive. I survived my first partial day in the studio yesterday morning, then rushed to my psycho analyst session but was distracted and exited the metro at Cote des neiges, and had to run-walk in order to only be 5 minutes late, then afterwards – we spoke a lot about studio time, the stress of creative work, the stress of financial obligations – met up with Clo for a spa date at Bota-Bota. It was very relaxing, we left at 7 and ate a Pho soup in Chanatown before heading home on the 55. Received my notice of re-assesment for 2015 from Revenue Quebec reclaiming $2,153.82 !!! Yikes. I have a little bit of money now, as I am back on EI and still have a partial pay from CCA coming next week, but I don’t have that amount. We’ll try to do our taxes in January-February this year and maybe I’ll have enough of a return to pay it off, and just incure some penalties or interest. Still sliding, sliding deeper into debt. These new paintings better sell. Now off to have some blood tests, see if anything turns up related to depression.
-chris
DEAR PM 