2018
from chris lloyd to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Dec 1, 2018, 1:59 PM
subject Sending unanswered letters to the PM probably isn’t
Dear Justin,
I am still alive. I survived a very long day and night. Worked at 4th space at Concordia, went to visit SRoberts with some wine, then met up with Mo in Verdun and we started rolling with Molly and Übered to Casa and throughly enjoyed the atmosphere and DJ – whom I hit on but she is celibate. Stayed up until 5 on Tinder and OK Cupid scheduling dates. I feel like I’m fully emerging from the past 3 years of depression with a kind of sexual liberation. I think I’m becoming more than polyamorous, maybe more like a relational anarchist.
Sent with positive vibes from my super-duper hand-held computing device.
from chris lloyd to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Dec 2, 2018, 11:51 PM
subject Sending unanswered letters to the PM probably isn’t the
Dear Justin,
I am still alive. I survived the weekend, a second night out with Molly and Mo, though not to the warehouse party in Griffentown and not the 2000 dance party at the Ritz, but back to Casa for the second night in a row. I wasn’t as elevated, so it felt a bit boring. Today I hung out with the kids all day doing crafts, fixing the loose tap in the kitchen, baking cookies, watching Hotel Transylvania 3 and chatting with potential dates. Had a good long talk with Stacy and a shorter one with Krishna over my sudden possible plan to fly to Trinidad to meet him the first week of January. I can’t afford to go, but maybe I can’t afford not to go.
Sent with positive vibes from my super-duper hand-held computing device.
from chris lloyd to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Dec 4, 2018, 10:52 PM
subject Sending unanswered letters to the PM probably isn’t the best
Dear Justin,
I am still alive. I survived another stab at the skating rink, and getting my antidepressants renewed for another year, and looking for flights to Trinidad and giving up because jt is just too damn expensive. I did find a cheap one-way to Havana and am now waiting to see if Krishna will come meet me there.
In other news I am juggling my dating schedule and turns out my date for this sunday is going to be hanging out with a mutual friend on saturday so we all are making plans to hang out together, which means I need to re-schedule my Saturday Tinder, and then I had an extra hour tonight to have a quick pre-date with C, and I’m a bit smitten! She’s also in a polyamorous relationship…
I’m reading The Argonauts by Maggie Nelson. Great writing. You know that what I am going here with you, these letters, this can’t be writing. What is it?
Sent with positive vibes from my super-duper hand-held computing device.
from chris lloyd to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Dec 6, 2018, 1:24 AM
subject Sending unanswered letters to the PM probably isn’t the best way
Dear Justin,
I am still alive. I survived a day of running errands, an evening with the kids and a threesome tonight with a couple I met on Tinder. It was so much fun! Flooded the rink again when I got home but there is a leak somewhere so I fear I will need to lay down a whole other liner. Bummer.
Sent with positive vibes from my super-duper hand-held computing device.
from chris lloyd to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Dec 6, 2018, 11:29 PM
subject Sending unanswered letters to the PM probably isn’t the best way to
Dear Justin,
I am still alive. I survived a day of playing hooky from work. I got up, made lunches, got the kids off to school, cleaned the kitchen, had a shower, got dressed and left for work on the Metro and just decided to stay on the metro and circle back home for lunch (I was way late) and a nap (I was way tired from the wine and the 3some). I’m wondering if I am a unicorn?
Made a quick date with someone on OKC and we met at a new vegan restaurant on Belanger called Le Watson, then I went to Oboro for a discussion called Greening the white cube, about how to introduce permaculture theories into the art world. I think Art needs to suicide itself to defeat capitalism. Afterwards a group of us had some food and drinks at Darling, then I caught the bus home with SarahW and Emily Jan, whom I have been thinking about asking out on a date, but my dating schedule is actually quite full at the moment. Am particularly stoked to see C again on Saturday for dancing and Sunday solo. Clo stayed behind for another round with S. I’m very happy and feeling lots of compersion for them. Clo and I are meeting Michel tomorrow morning for what may well be our last session for the foreseeable future. Glad I was paid today from Vox because otherwise I wouldn’t have been able to buy drinks tonight or pay Michel tomorrow. That reminds me I need to pay Yael for our last session. I am a literal sieve with money. And our car has a leaking tire.
Sent with positive vibes from my super-duper hand-held computing device.
from chris lloyd to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Dec 7, 2018, 11:32 PM
subject Sending unanswered letters to the PM probably isn’t the best way to build
Dear Justin,
We had a couples therapy session with Michel this morning, bringing him up to speed with all the recent decisions, our new living arrangements, all the new communication, the buckets of communication I want to share with her and the compression I feel knowing she is going to have a great weekend with S.
I put another layer of plastic on the backyard rink and flooded it again. Let’s hope it can freeze solid. Met Victoria for lunch and spilled buckets of communication on her.
Flirted with a Tinder and was going to meet her for a drink but then the cold froze my phone down so I just came home.
Took Rose to the CLSC up on Jarry to have a wart burned off her foot but I didn’t have a prescription from a doctor so the nurse wouldn’t administer the treatment tabarnak. Waste of time, though Rose and I enjoyed being just the two of us on the metro and bus and hanging out. Tomorrow is Femke’s b-day party Rose is soooooo excited. And I’m going to hear Tanya at Cabaret Tollé at Sala followed by dancing. Her friends Ted and Claire will be there! I’m crushing on Claire a bit hard.
Sent with positive vibes from my super-duper hand-held computing device.
from chris lloyd to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Dec 9, 2018, 11:13 PM
subject Sending unanswered letters to the PM probably isn’t the best way to build a stable
Dear Justin,
I am still alive. I survived the weekend – Clo’s weekend away with S, and then a night of cabaret and dancing but no hooking up, and then today with the kids, flooded the rink again and I think it just might work, and then Puces Pop and a visit to DHC and then the memorial service for Pierre Allard, the artist and activist and co-founder of ATSA, who died suddenly on November 25 after being diagnosed with lung cancer only 3 days prior. Lots of people came to the service. We met Clo there and went home together with the kids and had a good check-in and update on the weekend and our boundaries and then I went out on a date with Claire and we had a great conversation and even made out a bit on a street corner before parting ways for the night, which was really, really nice. Tomorrow I start a 2-week full-time stint at Vox and also have 2 dates planned for tomorrow night. So much work!
Sent with positive vibes from my super-duper hand-held computing device.
from chris lloyd to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Dec 11, 2018, 12:41 AM
subject Sending unanswered letters to the PM probably isn’t the best way to build a stable career
Dear Justin,
I am still alive. I survived the day at work, and meeting a CAA tow truck to pump up the flat tire on our car, which has been flat for he past 4 or 5 days. I had run over a screw. For $25 the guy plugged the hole, now I have to remember to cancel my appointment with the garage tomorrow.
I had 2 dates tonight but wish I hadn’t double-scheduled like that. My first date was with L, who is quite involved in the polyamorous community, and I’ve been learning lots about it from her. It was a real faux pas to schedule another date after her, she’s really cool and I hope we get another chance. My second date was pretty much classic Tinder hookup, although I’ve been texting about 3somes (of all things) wih M for at least a couple weeks now. It was really good sex, so I hope to see her again too. She’s in her 50s but is very youthful. And Claire texted me to invite me on another date this Thursday, so I will postpone the tentatively planned second 3some with Nat and A to another time. Claire has priority!
Sent with positive vibes from my super-duper hand-held computing device.
from chris lloyd to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Dec 12, 2018, 12:02 AM
subject Sending unanswered letters to the PM probably isn’t the best way to build a stable career in the
Dear Justin,
i am still alive. I survived a long day of work at Vox, followed by an AG, followed by a conference, followed by putting all the cables and lights and things away that I hard torn asunder in a failed attempt to hook the presentation computers up to the big Barco projector. I can be a really lazy and thoughtless tech sometimes.
I’ve been texting with a bunch of my potential dates all day following a mild argument with Clo this morning that snowballed into a big fight tonight, about boundaries and me being inconsiderate and similar to my 3-year depressed selfish behavior because I booked Boxing Day for a date with L before clearing it with Clo. Also S, from now on I will refer to him as my Meta, and his partner have just broken up this morning. I’m exhausted from crying and hungry from eating chips for supper and poorer for paying Romy to get the kids and babysit tonight.
Sent with positive vibes from my super-duper hand-held computing device.
from chris lloyd to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Dec 12, 2018, 10:08 PM
subject Sending unanswered letters to the PM probably isn’t the best way to build a stable career in the arts,
Dear Justin,
I am still alive. I survived a day of downhill skiing at Mt. St. Bruno with Clo and the kids. It was a fantastic day! The kids had flu vaccinations first thing, and they both chose needles over nasal vaporizers. They were so brave, and on the ski hill they were adorable champions. Our family chalet holiday will be amazing if today was anything to judge by. The fight Clo and I had last night – I even broke a plate! – has receded and left us in a stronger place than before. Sometimes fighting is a good way to get things out in the open, and is almost cathartic. It can also be exhausting. Scheduling dates and texting with multiple people is also exhausting, I’m going to bed.
-chris
Sent with positive vibes from my super-duper hand-held computing device.
from chris lloyd to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Dec 15, 2018, 2:45 AM
subject Sending unanswered letters to the PM probably isn’t the best way to build a stable career in the arts, the sciences,
Dear Justin,
I am still alive. Sorry i haven’t written I’m high and have been on too many dates. I never ever thought I would say that. It’s an amazing the turnaround: one minute, for three years I’m depressed and practically suicidal and the next minute polyamorous and dating like crazy. And last night had an amazing, amazing makeout date with C, because her PLP, Ted, lent us his apartment. And then today I met with another date for lunch while at work at Vox. This date and I have been sending selfies back and forth. And tonight after Pascal and Sarah’s presentation at their studio I went to a burner potluck and party with L., my poly-whisperer and ended the night in a torrid volley of sexting with Lexi, who is lining up my next MMF. And now, sleep
Sent with positive vibes from my super-duper hand-held computing device.
from chris lloyd to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Dec 16, 2018, 10:58 PM
subject Sending unanswered letters to the PM probably isn’t the best way to build a stable career in the arts, the sciences, the humanities,
Dear Justin,
I am still alive. I survived the rest of the weekend, both kids at respective playdates on Saturday and then ran errands and baked a cake and made cupcakes and then we went up to the Vox Xmas party at Marie-Josée and Klaus’s massive apartment in Ahuntsic, and since there were so many other kids all close in age they had a blast and I couldn’t get them to leave before 10:30.
Today was Rose’s birthday party she invited Femke and Oona over and we made different slimes and they watched Wizard of Oz and ate cupcakes and Oreos and then Claudine took them to the Taz for indoor skateboarding. I hung out with Sol and went to the market and ran into Claire and we kissed briefly,
I think I quite like her
And then came home and made supper and everyone came home and we ate and I watched Nailed It with the kids and an episode of Rupaul with Clo and then texted with a few of my dates for an hour or so and now I’m exhausted
and need to sleep.
Sent with positive vibes from my super-duper hand-held computing device.
from chris lloyd to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Dec 18, 2018, 10:12 PM
subject Sending unanswered letters to the PM probably isn’t the best way to build a stable career in the arts, the sciences, the humanities, or any
Dear Justin,
I am still alive. I survived another Monday and the start to the week of démontage at Vox and a Tinder date in the evening. Smoked some pot and it made us a bit weird but not too heady and the sex was good! At some point in the evening M asked who else I am seeing and it seemed to take a long time to explain but I will synthesize it here: there is L, who is my poly-whisperer and the burner; Lexi, whom I have yet to meet in the flesh but we exchanged torrid sextos, and she hopes to have me play with her and her partner; M, who has become a regular hookup and confidant to my experiences; and M&A, the first couple, whom I’m sure I will see again, and then C, the Selfie Queen, who I keep exchanging wth even though it doesn’t seem to be going anyway – hookups not likely to happen because she has roommates and and open-concept loft. And of course Claire, who I am seeing tomorrow night for our third official date, where we plan to have a picnic at Tanya’s place (who is away) and make out and probably more. Hopefully more!
Sent with positive vibes from my super-duper hand-held computing device.
from chris lloyd to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Dec 20, 2018, 10:51 AM
subject Sending unanswered letters to the PM probably isn’t the best way to build a stable career in the arts, the sciences, the humanities, or any other
Dear Justin,
I am still alive. I survived my third official date with Claire, we each brought some snacks to Tanya’s apartment and cozied up for a few hours. It was glorious and I’m falling for her a little bit. I had to stay out later because S was over visiting with Clo and he arrived late, and stayed over until the first metro. The kids were told to come into my room if they got up in the night, which they did. This morning Clo and I recapped a bit our evenings, I told her how my performance was a bit lacklustre – I think it was the Jack Daniels. Then feelings and emotions ran over me and I think I’ve been on this tear and charging full steam ahead into dating and I still haven’t fully processed what’s going on between us and its driving me a bit crazy that she doesn’t desire me and I started crying and couldn’t stop it got worse and worse I thought I wouldn’t be able to leave the apartment and miss the Vox staff meeting but I dragged myself out and I’m in the metro and almost there I just don’t know if I can keep it all inside anymore I need help I think I need to talk to someone. My brother Aaron and his girlfriend Karen arrive tonight while we are all at the Oboro Xmas party and I’ll be sleeping in Clo’s bed again and I’m not sure if I can handle that proximity this morning when I brought in her hot lemon water I tried to stroke her cheek but it was clumsy and she kinda snapped « don’t touch my face » and that stung and maybe triggered all this emotion and shit now I’m tearing up in the crowded metro car because I don’t know what the fuck to do anymore.
Sent with positive vibes from my super-duper hand-held computing device.
from chris lloyd to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Dec 21, 2018, 11:24 PM
subject Sending unanswered letters to the PM probably isn’t the best way to build a stable career in the arts, the sciences, the humanities, or any other industry.
Dear Justin,
I am still alive. I survived that weird downturn yesterday, the crying jags, the Oboro Xmas party where I sang a karaoke version of “Tainted Love” (and me thinking how fitting), and then today at work counting the hours and how many things I’m forgetting to do and hoping I don’t fuck up the next exhibition for lack of planning and proper due diligence, but also not really caring at the same time. I just want a break. I need to slow down I’ve been moving at warp speed for 6 weeks and suddenly feel like I’ve hit a wall, emotionally and physically. I’m still in close touch via texting with Claire, she had me sign up for Wunderlist and made a list of all my dates, and I included the transcript of my epic sexto with Lexi that I am so bizarrely proud of I want to share with all my lovers. Had a nice evening at home with Aaron and Karen and the kids, watched A Christmas Story and after the kids asleep I helped teach Karen how to play crib. There is a late-night party happening tonight Patty is playing and Clo was going to go and spend the night with S but he is unable to leave the house so she’s staying in. I’m still feeling tender but hoping to push on, and not push myself in front of a subway train. Onward and upwards! The show must go on! Shiny Happy People everywhere! But really mine are such White Male First World Problems who should even give a fuck. Pipelines don’t care.
Sent with positive vibes from my super-duper hand-held computing device.
from chris lloyd to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Dec 22, 2018, 10:23 PM subject I
Dear Justin,
Holy moly what a strange occurence after writing you last night I was texting with Lexi after her Tinder date and ended up driving to her place in Verdun at 1:30am and she and her husband and her husband’s date were sitting around talking and drinking wine and it turns out her husbands date is a Mexican drag queen named Ella Noelle and she helped me tuck for the first time. It was a good think I brought sone duct tape with me, at Lexi’s request. Then Lexi and I retired to the guest room and made out on a slowly deflating air mattress while her hubby and date made out in the other room, so no MMMF. Great sex and great poly conversation ensued and I got home at 6am. Our bed was full so crashed in Rose’s bed for a few hours. Today was making waffles and crepes, then taking the kids to see the new Mary Poppins movie at the Forum (Aaron’s treat) followed by Nouveau Système for supper, then some Rupaul’s Drag Race tonight because National Lampoons Christmas Vacation is not available with Netflix. Is it really almost Christmas?
Sent with positive vibes from my super-duper hand-held computing device.
from chris lloyd to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Dec 24, 2018, 11:44 PM subject I wonder
Dear Justin,
I am still alive. I survived Christmas Eve at my sister in-laws in Île Perrot with so many gifts for the kids but luckily most of us stuck to the no gifts rule for the adults and there was scotch and wine and snacks and lovely turkey to counter the screaming children. From joy; the kids were having a blast.
Sent with positive vibes from my super-duper hand-held computing device.
from chris lloyd to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Dec 25, 2018, 10:35 PM subject I wonder what
Dear Justin,
I am still alive. I survived Christmas Day, Rose’s birthday, the drive back home and more presents and then leftovers for a late lunch/early supper and then some ice skating on the backyard rink – it works! And watching National Lampoons Christmas Vacation, and doing some odds n ends around the house, and then an episode of RuPaul, then some texting, and now bed. Have to get up early to get the trash and recycling out and prepare the house for Fannie and her family’s visit tomorrow for lunch. And later I can go out and meet Claire for a drink!
Sent with positive vibes from my super-duper hand-held computing device.
from chris lloyd to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Dec 27, 2018, 11:19 PM subject I wonder what this
Dear Justin,
I am still alive. I survived a much too-quick date with Claire at Casa followed by a slightly longer date with Manon at her house and then cleaning and packing and loading the car today and the drive to St. Côme and unpacking the car and helping Sol with his Millenium Falcon lego and now bed. The chalet is really rustic and clean and I think we’ll enjoy our stay here. I think we’ll even be able to skate on the river, which is right at the edge of the property.
Sent with positive vibes from my super-duper hand-held computing device.
from chris lloyd to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Dec 28, 2018, 9:47 PM subject I wonder what this project
Dear Justin,
I am still alive. I survived our first full day at the chalet. Slept in, made breakfast, read, drove to the town square to skate but the rink was still covered in crusty snow, sledded and shovelled snow from a section of the river, drank vodka tonics, watched Back to the Future, and worked on the Lego with Sol. Sleeping with Rose tonight. Wondering if I’ll ever be intimate sexually with Claudine ever again, and if not can I live with that?
Sent with positive vibes from my super-duper hand-held computing device.
from chris lloyd to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Dec 30, 2018, 12:42 AM
subject I wonder what this project will
Dear Justin,
I am still alive. I survived another day at the chalet and at the end of the evening, after Clo and Rose came back from some night skiing, a heart-to-heart with Clo about our relationship status that left me in tears in the bathroom. I’m so unsatisfied with all my dates and the fact that she has no desire for me drives me crazy. What is the fucking point of going on?
Sent with positive vibes from mysuper-duper hand-held computing device.
from chris lloyd to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Dec 30, 2018, 11:30 PM
subject I wonder what this project will do,
Dear Justin,
I am still alive. I survived that emotional roller coaster last night – I think the bottle of red wine contributed – and today was a much better day. I feel stronger about Clo and I, and the imbalance between us in terms of physical desire doesn’t seem to me now to be such a big problem, at least with the understanding that we’ll try to be sexual with each other in the coming weeks or months. As for the day, we went skiing at Val St. Côme and the kids had a blast, so did we, the conditions not perfect but not bad, and tonight was spent by the fire reading and watching movies. Back to Montreal tomorrow morning to organize for a few folks to come over before the NYE celebrations. I had halfway planned a 3some with Mo and Selfie Queen, one of my tinder dates, but they both seemed to get cold feet and now she and Mo are hanging out tonight together. There is a party at Patti’s that Clo wants me to go to with her but I’m holding out to see if I can cross paths with Claire, whose plans seem as up in the air as mine. Can I just say how much I’m enjoying the polyamorous lifestyle?
Sent with positive vibes from my super-duper hand-held computing device.
from chris lloyd to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Dec 31, 2018, 8:20 PM
subject I wonder what this project will do, or has
Dear Justin,
I am still alive. I survived 2018. I battled a 3-year depression to the ground. I spent all my money and available money. I’ve become a relationship anarchist and polyamorous and am loving the dating game. I missed my flight to Cuba and don’t qualify for the trip insurance I bought, so pissed over $300 away. I’m such a fool when it comes to money, but not so much when it comes to love. I’m starting to figure out this love thing. Din-dong, Mo is here, time to start ringing in the new year.
Sent with positive vibes from my super-duper hand-held computing device.
DEAR PM 