MAY 2018

2018

from chris lloyd
to pm@pm.gc.ca
date May 1, 2018, 12:40 PM

subject I am still alive

I’m running a tad late for my psychoanalyst, just missed the metro. Had to rent a car because ours isn’t ready yet, I’m having the brakes replaced and some bushings and bearings. The dealership paid for the rental but I was super-stressed about time as Clo is going to Quebec City to interview for the Mois Multi position. Peter is going with her to keep company and help with driving so copies of their licenses needed to be sent, which is an amazingly simple thing to do now with smart phones. Clo took her Android back for an Apple, she couldn’t handle the differences and I’m going to switch to Telus and we can split her plan and I’ll pay half of what I pay Rogers now. Highway fucking robbery is $100/month. I don’t even want to know how much the car repairs will cost. I’m so far in debt and keep getting deeper. No end in sight.

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from chris lloyd
to pm@pm.gc.ca
date May 1, 2018, 11:55 PM

subject I am still alive

I survived a day wherein I didn’t accomplish anything on my list of things to do but I did play with Lego. I was trying to make a Delorian like in Back to the future, the flying one. And I reactivated my Tinder account and joined Ashley Madison – just for the fun of it. I have no time for flings, there is too much Lego to build.

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from chris lloyd
to pm@pm.gc.ca
date May 2, 2018, 11:07 PM

subject I am still alive

I survived dropping Clo and Mathilde off at VOX with their WWKA gear, then returning the rental van and picking up our car. The breaks and suspension work cost $2800. I can hardly believe I can go any further into debt. I have a good three pages full of things to do but spent the afternoon working on something that wasn’t even on the list: yard work. I raked and weeded the front. Now too tired to do anything.

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from chris lloyd
to pm@pm.gc.ca
date May 3, 2018, 5:36 PM

subject I am still alive

I survived another psychoanalyst session, this time discussion centred mostly on Sol, and control (his and ours), and LEGO. I didn’t bring up On Kawara, who has been on my mind a lot lately, or Ashley Madison or Tinder, or anything related to sex. I’m at Vox now for the WWKA performance but can’t drink any alcohol because I am getting blood work done tomorrow. It’s raining out. Suzie’s picking up and watching the kids tonight. Do you still have 2 nannies?

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from chris lloyd
to pm@pm.gc.ca
date May 4, 2018, 10:21 PM

subject I am still alive

I survived more blood tests today. Sent from somewhere in space

from chris lloyd
to pm@pm.gc.ca
date May 6, 2018, 10:12 PM

subject I am still alive

I survived the weekend. We just came home from family movie night. Usually we do it on a Friday or Saturday, and mostly from home, but tonight we went to see Isle of Dogs. Everyone enjoyed it, though it was noted that there were very few roles given to women, and of those why was an American exchange student the leader of the save the dogs uprising and lead investigator of the corrupt mayor? In other news, as NB is flooded I’m stressing more and more about my dire financial circumstances. I owe my therapist $420 and I’m over $500 overdrawn on my bank account, and my line of credit is almost maxed and so is my credit card. I’ll send my letter in to VOX tomorrow and if all goes well I’ll get a perfect part-time yet stable technician gig, and can continue to work on other projects – making paintings that sell, or growing more mushrooms to sell – and maybe I can start stabilizing the situation.

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from chris lloyd
to pm@pm.gc.ca
date May 7, 2018, 10:38 PM

subject I am still alive

I survived another Monday. I tried to microdose but I took too much and then the afternoon went a little sideways. Still, I managed to get a bunch of things crossed off my growing list: fixed the outdoor water pipe, got a new hose attachment, bought 2 inner tubes for Sol’s bike, a new bike helmet for him, cut house keys for the kids, Rose was sad she didn’t like the cat key, wanted kittens instead, picked up my anti-depressants, baked the soil for my next batch of ‘shrooms, transferred money around and paid My shrink, sent my letter and CV to VOX, hung with Mo a bit in the morning had coffee, had a shower, cut my hair, trimmed my beard, washed hung and folded laundry, picked up Sol and we biked to Parc Jarry, picked up Rose and made supper and read stories and then Clo and I watched a bit of Jessica Jones and she fell asleep and I’m still feeling out of sorts. I want to cancel vacation because I fear not having any money, and I hate worrying about money.

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from chris lloyd
to pm@pm.gc.ca
date May 8, 2018, 12:43 PM

subject I am still alive

I’m falling asleep on a bench on the sidewalk near my therapists office as I arrived early after moving the car for street cleaning.

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from chris lloyd
to pm@pm.gc.ca
date May 8, 2018, 12:49 PM

subject I am still alive

I don’t know what to talk about today; I feel antsy, restless, anxious and depressed. Too many things. Sent from somewhere in space

from chris lloyd
to pm@pm.gc.ca
date May 8, 2018, 9:05 PM

subject I am still alive

I feel I’m slipping back into a depression. Sent from somewhere in space

from chris lloyd
to pm@pm.gc.ca
date May 9, 2018, 9:48 PM

subject I am still alive

I survived the first day of summer. It was super warm out. I did odd jobs in and around the house, and went out to buy myself a new pair of Stan Smiths. Picked Rose up after school to take her to a locksmith so she could pick out her own house key. Sarah and Pascal came over for the first barbecue of the season. Had sausages, Yves for Clo. The weather, and the conversation with Clo this morning, helped dissipate a little this recent fog.

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from chris lloyd
to pm@pm.gc.ca
date May 11, 2018, 11:57 PM

subject I am still alive

I survived the week, and eating out with the kids tonight, then going to a show at Le Ritz with Mo, but now I’m falling asleep.

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from chris lloyd
to pm@pm.gc.ca
date May 12, 2018, 5:33 PM

subject I am still alive

I am surviving giving the kids allowances, and the subsequent crises from Sol’s lack of understanding around money, and why can’t he get the LEGO he wants, all the time? Or this toy? Or that toy? It’s not fair! Rose attended a party today in Parc Jarry and Sol and I cycled around park hopping. Now I’m just trying to leave Archambault without too many tears, and cook tonight supper on the barbecue.

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from chris lloyd
to pm@pm.gc.ca
date May 13, 2018, 9:24 PM

subject I am still alive

I survived Mother’s Day 2018. Didn’t do anything special, just gave Claudine the afternoon off. After we visited SRoberts and Gloria for pancakes I took Rose and Sol to a couple parks. The sun was shining, it was warm,

It was nice to be out. I had slept in. I felt guilty about sleeping in. I had watched The Crown on Netflix before bed. I had also been researching the public art in the City of Montreal’s collection because of finding different elements to those two big metal fins in Parc Jarry. It is called Caesura, by Linda Covit, from 1991, and besides the big fins the work is comprised of a couple bronze casts of army toys, and images laser-cut from steel on the ground,

I did buy flowers, after finding a parking spot in front of the bio PA on Parc, the kids picked them out, orange tulips and red roses.

And we FaceTimed with my mom while at Westmount Park. She was at my aunt Vicki’s house in NS with a bunch of other relatives, including my grandmother, who turns 92 tomorrow.

Going to fold laundry, maybe watch another episode of The Crown. Sent from somewhere in space

from chris lloyd
to pm@pm.gc.ca
date May 14, 2018, 11:46 PM

subject I am still alive

I survived another Monday. Sent from somewhere in space

from chris lloyd
to pm@pm.gc.ca
date May 15, 2018, 9:49 PM

subject I am still alive

I survived starting my taxes, and the launch of Donzelle’s new album, her first in 10 years. Brought the kids, who loved the show, and we were all back home and the kids in bed by 9. Now to watch The Crown.

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from chris lloyd
to pm@pm.gc.ca
date May 16, 2018, 8:57 PM

subject I am still alive

I survived the morning at school for an information and meet n greet session for Sol. Did a bit more on my taxes but then was sidetracked with a flat tire that I tried to repair myself to no avail. It went flat again. Will buy a replacement inner tube tomorrow. Did manage to clean my bike chain and derailed. Picked up kids, and a seafood pie for supper, cooked on the barbecue. Feeling tired and body-achy, like sore kidneys or something. Wonder if I should set a due date for my own death, and then work and plan for it backwards to the present. Should getting out of debt before I die be a life goal?

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from chris lloyd
to pm@pm.gc.ca
date May 17, 2018, 11:26 PM

subject I am still alive

I survived lunch with Karen at the Green Spot, another psychoanalysis session, and hosting a bbq for Stacy and Caroline at our place. I manned the bbq most of the night, it was great to see some former dhc/phi colleagues.