from chris lloyd
to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Feb 4, 2019, 12:34 PM
subject Maybe I should completely redefine how this project would work within a few days and then maybe
Dear Justin,
I am still alive. I survived a rather torrid weekend. Friday I had a date night with Chris and Jason, which was really hot. Chris is female and Jason is bi, so there was more M on M action than with Nat and Andy. I enjoy it but it isn’t necessarily my biggest turn on. Saturday the kids and I hung out, ran errands then met Kitty and went to see the Spider-verse film again. She stayed over and again last night, and even watched the kids (while watching the first Mary Poppins) while I got groceries and met Avigail for an impromptu date. We kissed, and it was really good, and I look forward to more. Kitty and I had a really deep, intimate and passionate connection this weekend, I think we’re both falling pretty hard for one another. Back to work this week and lots of errands to do around the house to prepare for Clo’s return. She’s skiing Lake Louise today in -27° weather. Yesterday she did cross-country instead of downhill because with wind chill it was -41°. I won’t ski if it’s below -12° haha! Am I a wimp or is she just extremely tough?
Sent with positive vibes from my super-duper hand-held computing device.
from chris lloyd
to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Feb 6, 2019, 7:56 PM
subject Maybe I should completely redefine how this project would work within a few days and then maybe another
Dear Justin,
I am still alive. I’m surviving the install at Vox, this week concentrating on the 3:23:03 show, an archival look back at some big international show that took place in 1976. I had dim sum with Kitty and a friend today, and I saw her for coffee yesterday after she had put her cat Nera down. She’s handling it well as can be expected, she got Nera as a kitten 17 years ago. I’m waiting for MC at Birra my new favourite watering hole to bring dates, but I’m looking forward to welcoming Clo home tomorrow and celebrating her 41st birthday. I baked a cake and the kids and I made icing tonight but I haven’t gotten her a gift yet. Also looking forward to disco dancing friday night and coming out to a close circle of friends about Kitty. Oh, and I had my STI tests today, I’ll know within a week or 2 if I’m clean.
Sent with positive vibes from my super-duper hand-held computing device.
from chris lloyd
to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Feb 11, 2019, 1:59 AM
subject Maybe I should completely redefine how this project would work within a few days and then maybe another one
Dear Justin,
What a difference a few days can make. I effed up with Clo by wrecking her expectations for a nice birthday. No gift. No flowers. S did all of those, of course. Meanwhile I was trying to fit Kitty more into our lives but Clo is actively resisting. Our « coming out » party was a complete bust, the visit to the McCord didn’t happen, she’s angry to the point of blind fury whenever I try to talk about scheduling. I don’t want to go further down this rabbit hole, I’m poly-saturated but still seeking more distracions, I had a good afternoon with A which followed a great evening with Kitty so why am I still on Tinder? Why did I just binge-watch the entire Russian Doll show on Netflix in one night? I’m going to be a wreck tomorrow. I can’t be a wreck tomorrow. I’m broke, again. Also a bit broken. I can’t afford to be broke or broken, I just have to pull myself up by the bootstraps. We can’t afford to separate, I can barely afford my room here.
Sent with positive vibes from my super-duper hand-held computing device.
from chris lloyd
to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Feb 14, 2019, 9:46 PM
subject Maybe I should completely redefine how this project would work within a few days and then maybe another one of
Dear Justin,
I am still alive. Busy as heck but alive, and surviving the final week of installs at Vox. Also surviving an emotional roller coaster, not just with Claudine but our disputes affected Kitty and she and I went through some difficult patches. She had a NY trip cancelled at the last moment due in part to the big storm which closed the schools but not the work, and she stayed over last night. I alternately had three different sets of plans or potential plans for tonight but I decided self-care was more important so had a bath and now I’m going to bed.
Sent with positive vibes from my super-duper hand-held computing device.
from chris lloyd
to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Feb 19, 2019, 5:06 PM
subject Maybe I should completely redefine how this project would work within a few days and then maybe another one of those
Dear Justin,
I am still alive. Sorry I haven’t written lately. Do you feel like I am abandoning you? I haven’t even been following all the scandals and desertions plaguing you, I’ve been crazy-busy with the exhibitions at Vox which opened on Friday, and lots of dates but now they are mostly with Kitty. Safe to say we’re more like girlfriend – boyfriend now. Last night I crashed at her place after a date with Natalie. Tonight I have a date with Clo to check in on our status. She was out overnight a couple nights with S and Sol let the cat out of the bag while talking to my mom on the phone and when she asked where Clo was he answered all matter of fact that she was with S, who was her boyfriend, for a sleepover. I myself was out with Manon and her gang to Cabaret Mado to watch some drag performances Friday night after the opening, and Kitty stayed over at our place Saturday and Sunday. Worked 2 hours yesterday and 6.5 today, Kitty brought me lunch again, I think my colleagues are confused. I’m getting some bourbon for tonight. Oh, we sold the couch, the guy is supposed to get it this evening, so I’ll set up a bed-frame. Metro is crowded why is there construction everywhere?
Sent with positive vibes from my super-duper hand-held computing device.
from chris lloyd
to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Feb 23, 2019, 8:58 PM
subject Maybe I should completely redefine how this project would work within a few days and then maybe another one of those things
Dear Justin,
I am still alive. Exhausted but alive. I am surviving my dating schedule (just barely) and work and figuring out the whole separation thing, and now also bathroom renovations. Today Mo and I demolished everything but the floor. Last night we went out late to another Glitter Bomb at the Ritz. I also had a date there with MC and stayed at her place, we were up until 5am or so. Hence the exhaustion. I’m on the bus now heading down to Darling for a first date. I need a guru.
Sent with positive vibes from my super-duper hand-held computing device.
from chris lloyd
to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Feb 25, 2019, 11:45 PM
subject Maybe I should completely redefine how this project would work within a few days and then maybe another one of those things that
Dear Justin, I am still alive. I survived a pleasant first date with Kim, stayed overnight at her place, then made my way to Kitty’s on Sunday morning in the rain to get the rib stew she cooked before going to NY. Spent the rest of the day cleaning and baking and recuperating. This morning spoke to a TD bank rep about consolidating my debts, but a $26,550 loan at 9.99% means I have $375 monthly payments and no credit or overdraft. I’m thinking now maybe a loan shark, just get my head above water a little, and then maybe if or when we sell the apartment I’ll wipe my debts out then. Also, tonight Clo suggested she might be interested in buying out my share of the apartment. Neither of us has a clue how that could happen. She’s wary of me declaring bankruptcy or anything else that could come back on her. She’s also not in much of a hurry to formalize our slow separation though she is also thinking of one of us renting an apartment in the coop nearby. In any case since we seem to be moving with certainty towards a separation then I’d rather we do it sooner rather than later. I feel a bit like the past 3 months I was operating under false pretences (that maybe I made for myself, but still) that we might find a way to stay together. I want to be lighter, like Bear from Russian Doll, but not homeless. At least not yet. Not until the kids are grown up. How’s that for a retirement plan? I give zero fucks about being in debt but I don’t want that to be all I leave my kids after I die.
Sent with positive vibes from my super-duper hand-held computing device.
from chris lloyd
to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Feb 27, 2019, 2:40 PM
subject Maybe I should completely redefine how this project would work within a few days and then maybe another one of those things that would
Dear Justin,
I am still alive. I’m surviving and flip-flopping and dealing with negotiating terms of a breakup, when I don’t really want to breakup. What do I want? I want a big happy polyamorous relationship with Claudine. I don’t want to move out, or even sell my share of the house to her, though that could certainly help me get out of debt. I don’t like the idea of paying rent to someone else when it could be going to us, or at least her.
Yesterday I texted Judith about the split and boy was she pissed. She doesn’t understand what Clo is doing, but I do, sort of. She’s in love, and making decisions based on her love for S. I can’t stop that. This isn’t a movie, or a machinima, though it might be one of many parallel universes. Or a dream? An afterlife? Purgatory? Hell? Living with someone you love deeply and have an intense yearning for intimacy with, who can’t reciprocate, that’s a bit like hell.
But this sounds like complaining and really everything is going well. I picked Kitty up from the airport last night, we came home and ate supper that Claudine had prepared, then had a bath, then great sex. She stayed overnight. It’s all working out, except she confused her departure dates for her return to work up north and she will miss our big Nuit Blanche studio party – so we will roll over to Club L and meet my couple Chris and Jason Friday night instead. Clo and I still need to find a sleepover playdate for Sol but we are running out of options.
Story of my life: running out of options or constant renewal?
Sent with positive vibes from my super-duper hand-held computing device.
DEAR PM 