rom chris lloyd
to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Jan 1, 2019, 8:35 AM
subject I wonder what this project will do, or has done, to my sanity?
I am still alive. I survived an amazing party, Patti and Stephen were playing such good music and I literally danced until dawn. Except I left the party before Clo and S, and though I feel so much love and compersion for them, I can’t help but feel a little lonely, like it would really be a nice way to bring in the new year, cuddling with someone.
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from chris lloyd
to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Jan 2, 2019, 11:57 PM
subject maybe
Dear Justin,
I am still alive. I managed to get some sleep yesterday but it wasn’t until after visiting SRoberts with the kids and then hitting Dollar Cinema to watch Incredibles 2, which was too funny to sleep through.
Today the kids and I went skating at the little church park, where the recent rain filled the play area with water which is now an impromptu skating rink, while on our way to more skating at Parc Jarry. We watched more RuPaul after supper, and then Claire came over for a visit after the kids were asleep. We talked but didn’t make out, she wasn’t feeling it, which is somewhat worrying to me, like another rejection. Attraction can be such a fickle thing, I wonder if we’re just not compatible in that way. Maybe it’s my breath? Maybe it’s nothing to worry about.
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from chris lloyd
to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Jan 4, 2019, 12:11 AM
subject Maybe I
Dear Justin,
I am still alive. I survived clo’s arrival back from her couple days with S, just before heading off to work at Concordia. Just enough time to break down again, meaning I’ve managed to crack up crying everyday so far of 2019. I don’t think I can handle this platonic thing. And then Claire texted with more insight to last night, she feels guarded and closed up to me because she fears I need more from her than she can offer. Which is probably true. Must I keep falling in love or loving people who can’t reciprocate? So I was miserable while disassembling and reassembling cubes into walls at works, and then Manon texted me and wanted company so I came home, Clo had made supper, I cried some more over this impasses of ours, and then I went to Manon’s after washing the dishes. The sex is always great but I can rarely come, don’t know if it is the antidepressants or the condoms. I’m setting up new dates with some new matches and am trying now to work as much as possible and keep myself busy and borderline exhausted all the time, until I get a wee bit more out of debt. My bank has been calling me repeatedly, probably about my overdrawn accounts. I never answer.
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from chris lloyd
to pm@pm.gc.ca
date pm@pm.gc.ca
subject maybe I should
Dear Justin,
I am still alive. I am surviving. I had a coffee date Friday morning which went really well and we scheduled a follow-up date to go to a cocktail mixing party next week. Then I worked at 4th Space and installed carpet tiles and more cubes. Then I had another date at Darling that lasted more that 5 hours and I drank and ate all the last of my cash, I realize now in hindsight I possibly overtipped but I was quite tipsy. Kissed LK on the way home then invited myself over to Manon’s. Stayed over until after 7am but hardly any sleep, still couldn’t come. S had come over to visit Clo and left just after I got home. We’re like ships passing. Did homey things Saturday, baked a cake, bought groceries on our mortgage credit line, then had an apéro with Sarah, Fred and Judith up on the third floor with Sol and Eliot (Rose went to spend the night with Oona). Then Mo came over to watch Sol and Clo and I hopped in a cab to Pip’s for Peter’s farewell party as he leaves for Berlin this week for the CALQ year-long residency. She roasted a leg of lamb which was delicious, but I left before the cake as I was exhausted. On the bus on the way home I started texting Manon and ended up at her place again, this time I was able to come during morning sex and also slept a bit more but her mattress is firm and my back is aching like crazy. I believe now that if I maintain a hyper-active dating lifestyle I’ll be able to handle my emotions better, I didn’t cry at all on Friday, though I did a little bit yesterday. I’m still mourning the sexual aspect in my relationship with Clo, and also hoping that it will come back some day. Ok off to the library with the kids, a nice Sunday afternoon activity.
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from chris lloyd
to pm@pm.gc.ca
date maybe I should completely
Dear Justin,
I am still alive. I survived the first Monday back to work of the new year. Also didn’t cry. Could barely move this morning my back hurt so much, so it’s not Manon’s bed but something else. I took CBD oil this morning and again tonight. I worked at 4th space as well as Vox. Not simultaneously of course. Met someone on Happn that I will meet next Monday, and having a second date with LK next Wednesday. What does one typically do on a second date? I’m on CBD oil, Motrin and Aleve for the back, and a bunch of melatonin caps for sleep. I’m drowsy and going to bed early tonight, Clo invited me to stay the night with her but I might fall asleep before she finished her tub.
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from chris lloyd
to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Jan 8, 2019, 10:28 PM
subject maybe I should completely redefine
Dear Justin,
I am still alive. I survived my first full day back at Vox, and feel as though I made some progress, though my phone is a big distraction: all the texts, and constantly checking the various dating sites and social media platforms for all my flirts. New Years Resolution: put the phone on airplane mode at night, during meals and during work.
I forgot to tell you that yesterday I answered a call from TD. It was about my credit card, missing payments etc. I promised to give them some money next week. Then I chatted with an insolvency specialist and almost made an appointment but didn’t. I’m chicken.
I actually have a little bit of cash flow now as my mom transferred me money to pay for the AirBnB we’re renting for March Break. The balance is due on Sol’s birthday, but a chunk of it has already gone to NSF fees. I borrowed $200 from Mo because I have no cash for all the dates I’m going on. One cancelled on my this Thursday I was actually relieved to not have to spend any money. More CBD oil for my back but no melatonine tonight, I’m sleepy enough as it is. Met Tanya tonight for drinks after work to talk about dating exploits and Relationship Anarchism.
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from chris lloyd
to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Jan 9, 2019, 9:35 AM
subject Maybe I should completely redefine how
Dear Justin,
I am still alive. I survived the massive transit clusterfuck on the metro this morning. And waking up with insomnia at 2:20 in the morning after another night of the most vivid dreams I’ve had in a long while.
Meanwhile, stuffed into the #55 like a sardine, I’m reading the news and come across this bit of wisdom from the Beaverton:
“Making solemn apologies for Canada’s mistreatment of Indigenous peoples is where this PM shines,” said one PMO spokesperson. “And violating a United Nations Declaration on the Rights of Indigenous Peoples by forcibly removing them from their land should call for a doozy of an apology.”
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from chris lloyd
to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Jan 11, 2019, 1:22 AM
subject maybe I should completely redefine how this
Dear Justin,
I am still alive. I survived a couple date nights, though it was really more like one date split in two. Last night I met Nat at Bily Kūn and we decided we liked each other enough to have sex, but it was too late, and I had a cancellation tonight so went to her place just as Clo was getting back from the Clark openings. Work is going well Tanya was in today to help paint as Karen is off to Toronto to teach. Now must sleep
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from chris lloyd
to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Jan 13, 2019, 8:54 PM
subject Maybe I should completely redefine how this project
Dear justin,
I am still alive. I survived a crazy weekend. Last night was the cocktail mixing party with kitty, and that went really, really late, culminating with us landing third place with our hot chocolate/Szechuan pepper corn infused syrup whip cream topped cocktail, and then missed taking Lee sending our Uber to VERR done before circling back to her place. The night before, Manon and I decided to check out club Alii, I knew swinger lounge east on Jean Talon. Unfortunately, it was closed early, as they didn’t have that much clientele for their very first Friday. Normally they are open only Thursdays and Saturdays. We were given an extensive tour of the premises by Mateo, the owner. I got good vibes from the place, and will most definitely be back. Today I was home by 7 AM, as close and S were getting ready to leave for a full day of downhill skiing and snowboarding. Sara and Pascal came over to visit, and then I bundle the kids up to visit with S and ROBERTS and Gloria, and we were going to watch a movie at dollar cinema but got on the metro in the wrong direction, and I also forgot my phone at S Roberts, so we just downloaded Smallfoot at home. Watched another episode of RuPaul with the kids before bed. I am exhausted, I took a bunch of melatonin, and of course the CBD for my back. It feels like more than a backache, like there could be something there. I am feeling a tad worn out from all the dating, and have a few more this week, À sac and Waste ah OK elle a first Wes ça mon House grand-mère en forme sève Piérides. Hoops, my keyboard was switched, I can’t be bothered to correct this. Too tired.
Dictated, not corrected.
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from chris lloyd
to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Jan 15, 2019, 10:16 AM
subject Maybe I should completely redefine how this project would
Dear Justin,
I am still alive. I survived a first date with Liz last night, coming on the heels of an emotional fight with Clo at the supper table because the intensity of my dating and constant scheduling is getting to be too much for her. I keel forgetting to move at the speed of the slowest. But I don’t see just one person and so how can I go at her speed? She’s the one who has fallen in love with someone else is that my speed? I feel like I need to keep to a breakneck pace to keep myself in a state of permanent exhaustion. Also, I’ve decided to go off my meds. Fuck Prozak, fuck the pharmaceutical industry. I could have been on a placebo for the past 15 months for all I know. I’ll beat this depression and keep it down by obsessive dating, meeting new people and expanding my polyamorous network.
Sent with positive vibes from my super-duper hand-held computing device.
from chris lloyd
to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Jan 17, 2019, 8:35 PM
subject Maybe I should completely redefine how this project would work
Dear Justin,
I am still alive. I survived my second date with LK last night. We met at the MAC, waited in line a bit then zipped through the Françoise Sullivan show to spend about an hour in Manifesto, then hit the SAT for a drink and appetizer then that Dumpling place and sake and then Midway for a nightcap. Neither of us as poly people with partners can bring dates home so we’ll have to creative in finding places to hook up. Airbnbs? Friends? Sleezy MHotels? The sky is the limit. No, my finances are. I’m on my way tonight to meet a couple for potential poly play, with $22 left to my name. Enough for 2 beer. Lucky I get paid tonight but it is all accounted for already, gone all gone. I think maybe I am poly saturated? In other news work at Vox is going well I think we’re on schedule and two vitrines have been glued together. Only a dozen more to go. It had been great working with Atom she’s really keeping the production on track.
Sent with positive vibes from my super-duper hand-held computing device.
from chris lloyd
to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Jan 20, 2019, 11:08 PM
subject Maybe I should completely redefine how this project would work with
Dear Justin,
I am still alive. I survived the weekend, another visit to the swingers’ club and hooking up with a cute young couple there, and going back to Manon’s place overnight, and then Saturday a blur and that night was supposed to be dancing but the frigid cold froze up everyone’s motivation so I just went to Kitty’s for the night, to try to console her about her very sick cat, and ended up staying the night. This morning we spoke at length about all the problems she encounters in remote northern communities as she is a nurse with Department of Indigenous Services Canada, but is on burnout leave at the moment due in large part because of how the federal gov’t is just fucking up Ao badly in Indigenous communities. Third world conditions, dirty water, moldy housing, inadequate services, red tape, bureaucracy, Phoenix, the list can and does go on and on and on. The one bright side to your government’s complete lack of clarity and vision is that the only reason Kitty and I met was because she was on burnout, so perhaps I should thank-you for your lack of leadership on that file.
Ans WTF about the cabinet shuffle?
“Her demotion from the vital portfolio has been accompanied by insider whispers, based on poisonous stereotypes that Indigenous peoples, and women in particular, face every day: that she was angry, difficult and uncompromising,” wrote lawyers Merle Alexander, Leah George-Wilson, Mary Ellen Turpel-Lafond, Val Napoleon, Doug White and Naiomi Metallic. “The racial and gender stereotypes being used to diminish her only prove that the status quo has already won, yet again. Mr. Trudeau’s professed most important relationship remains one grounded in oppression, colonialism and paternalism – and the events of the past few days demonstrate that.”
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from chris lloyd
to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Jan 21, 2019, 6:35 AM
subject Maybe I should completely redefine how this project would work within a
Dear Justin,
I am still alive. I’m suffering from insomnia and have been awake since 3:30. I tried reading, masturbating and surfing the web to no avail. The cookies are baked, clean dishes put away and half the breakfast routine completed and everyone is still asleep.
The kids know more about Claudine and I. S stayed over Saturday night and it confused Sol to find him in Clo’s bed, and both he and Rose missed me, as my sleepover with Kitty ran late: I wasn’t home until after noon. Clo and I both had talks with the kids simply explaining that it’s completely normal (ha!) for their parents to host or go on sleepovers with other people. They seem fairly nonplused by the whole thing. Ok off to finish making lunches and breakfasts.
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from chris lloyd
to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Jan 24, 2019, 9:05 PM
subject Maybe I should completely redefine how this project would work within a few
Dear Justin,
I am still alive. Sorry I’ve been neglecting you. Work has been busy, Clo has been out each night this week, and today schools were closed. Clo hung out with the kids all day, I went to work for the morning and then had a really nice lunch with Kitty. I decided to take the rest of the afternoon off and ended up having a beer with Abigail, with whom I matched on Tinder last night which escalated from great texting to a great phone conversation. I didn’t recognize her on Tinder but she had worked briefly at Phi, I had leant her Fannie’s bassinet. We really hit it off I think. So now I’m riding the subway to kill time because I was supposed to have a first date with someone I met on Happn but I am so broke I asked her if she would mind paying for my drinks and her response was “is this a joke” and basically that was the end of that. So now I’m circling back towards home on the blue line but I’ll stop at Manon’s for sex. Oh, now Happn girl is back on, we reset a time for early February.
Sent with positive vibes from my super-duper hand-held computing device.
from chris lloyd
to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Jan 27, 2019, 10:52 PM
subject Maybe I should completely redefine how this project would work within a few days
Dear Justin,
I am still alive. I survived the weekend. What a weekend! Friday was my couple date with Nat and Andy. Mo came over to watch the kids because Clo was spending the night with S. We were rolling with Molly – just one hit each, it was their first time – and I got done up in Nat’s clothes to go dancing at Glitter Bomb at the Ritz. What fantastic costumes and outfits and fabulous dancing. Back to Nat and Andy’s afterwards for more playtime. Managed about an hour sleep before taking the metro home to relieve Mo. Had to take Rose to her skateboard class because of a tiff she and Oona got into this week but Jennifer and Clo had an intervention with the girls later in the day and I think all is well again between them. Kitty came over earlier than I had expected for the family visit, which went really well. We wanted the kids to meet her as there is a good chance she will stay overnight while Clo is away in Banff. Clo and I had planned a date night but we decided to stay in with the kids watching Rupaul’s drag race. Once the kids were in bed though Clo wanted to invite S overnight so I invited myself over to Kitty’s. We met up at Blizzarts for DJ Empress but just sat and talked and made out and then went back to her place for some pretty awesome sex. Stayed the night, she got up with me early and accompanied me to the grocery store and then the metro after a bus driver slammed the doors in my face and drove off as I was knocking on the glass. The kids and I drove Clo to the airport and then stopped at the cinemas on Cote des neiges to watch the new animated Spider-man movie, which was so so good. I laughed, I cried, I thoroughly enjoyed it. Sol went to play with Clovis and Rose and I watched Beetlejuice. Made supper, the kids had baths and we watched more Rupaul before bed. I cut my hair, washed the dishes, baked cookies and had a shower before coming to bed to read more from the Ethical Slut, which I had borrowed from Nat. I think it can be considered the poly bible.
Sent with positive vibes from my super-duper hand-held computing device.
from chris lloyd
to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Jan 27, 2019, 10:52 PM
subject Maybe I should completely redefine how this project would work within a few days
Dear Justin,
I am still alive. I survived the weekend. What a weekend! Friday was my couple date with Nat and Andy. Mo came over to watch the kids because Clo was spending the night with S. We were rolling with Molly – just one hit each, it was their first time – and I got done up in Nat’s clothes to go dancing at Glitter Bomb at the Ritz. What fantastic costumes and outfits and fabulous dancing. Back to Nat and Andy’s afterwards for more playtime. Managed about an hour sleep before taking the metro home to relieve Mo. Had to take Rose to her skateboard class because of a tiff she and Oona got into this week but Jennifer and Clo had an intervention with the girls later in the day and I think all is well again between them. Kitty came over earlier than I had expected for the family visit, which went really well. We wanted the kids to meet her as there is a good chance she will stay overnight while Clo is away in Banff. Clo and I had planned a date night but we decided to stay in with the kids watching Rupaul’s drag race. Once the kids were in bed though Clo wanted to invite S overnight so I invited myself over to Kitty’s. We met up at Blizzarts for DJ Empress but just sat and talked and made out and then went back to her place for some pretty awesome sex. Stayed the night, she got up with me early and accompanied me to the grocery store and then the metro after a bus driver slammed the doors in my face and drove off as I was knocking on the glass. The kids and I drove Clo to the airport and then stopped at the cinemas on Cote des neiges to watch the new animated Spider-man movie, which was so so good. I laughed, I cried, I thoroughly enjoyed it. Sol went to play with Clovis and Rose and I watched Beetlejuice. Made supper, the kids had baths and we watched more Rupaul before bed. I cut my hair, washed the dishes, baked cookies and had a shower before coming to bed to read more from the Ethical Slut, which I had borrowed from Nat. I think it can be considered the poly bible.
Sent with positive vibes from my super-duper hand-held computing device.
from chris lloyd
to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Jan 27, 2019, 11:00 PM
subject Maybe I should completely redefine how this project would work within a few days and
Dear Justin,
Sorry, I wasn’t quite finished. I’ve deleted all the dating apps off my phone. I’m feeling fairly poly-saturated at the moment. I want to give each relationship the quality of my time and energy as they deserve. The kids are absorbing everything in such a wonderful way. They found S in bed with Clo again this morning but these sleepovers are perfectly normal now, and they seem so unfazed by them. Later tonight during supper Sol said that he had forgotten momentarily that maman had taken a plane to Banff and that he thought she was just out on a date with S, because maman really likes him. I said we all like S, but mama likes him in a special way. I said that sometimes they even kiss, to which Sol replied “ewwwwwwww”.
Sent with positive vibes from my super-duper hand-held computing device.
from chris lloyd
to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Jan 31, 2019, 9:30 AM
subject Maybe I should completely redefine how this project would work within a few days and then
Dear Justin,
I am still alive. I have been surviving the week as a single parent, working the days away at VOX and hanging with the kids in the evenings. We’ve incorporated watching an episode of RuPaul before bed, which seems to help everything go smoother.
I had an impromptu lunch with Kitty yesterday and I’m starting to feel more and more feelings for her. We’re starting to plan dates with my kids, to go to a museum on Sunday and go see the Spider-verse movie again with her on Saturday – the kids really want to see it again and we’ve been listening to the soundtrack every morning. I’ve spoken to Kitty on the phone a lot this week, and tonight we’re all meeting at the MAI for an opening and she’ll come back with me and the kids for a sleepover, the kids are aware if it and handling all these transitions like champions. I’m so proud of them.
Sent with positive vibes from my super-duper hand-held computing device.
DEAR PM 