subject Crap crap crap
Dear Justin,
I am still alive. Sorry for the recent spat of exceptionally weird emails; I was in a strange mindset. Clo and I met with Michel Thursday morning which was really nice, and provided some clarity. We had breakfast at le Fameuse afterwards. Then it was work at Vox, then yesterday I picked up more tiles from Ciot, had coffee with Emily K, then met James and Iliana at Super Studio to prep for the McGill install. Helped James with some of his home reno projects before picking the kids up from school and making supper. We hosted the AC crew last night to celebrate Élie’s birthday, they enjoyed hearing about our new poly life and family adjustments. I went out later with MC, we were going to go dancing but just stayed in. I fell asleep on her couch after sharing a bottle of wine. Woke up at 5:30 and came home so I was in bed when the kids woke up. Now I’m waiting for the bus to McGill.
Sent with positive vibes from my super-duper hand-held computing device.
from chris lloyd
to pm@pm.gc.ca
date May 1, 2019, 10:44 PM
subject balls balls balls
Dear Justin,
I am still alive. Sorry I haven’t written lately, what a whirlwind. Starting Saturday: Worked all day with James and Iliana installing portraits of old rich white guys on the wall at the McIntyre building at McGill only to have 3 of the original wall tiles detach from the wall and so after hanging only 3 of 29 portraits we aborted. Saturday night I went out with AAA to a cabaret show at Cleopatra and afterwards we went moshing at Foufounes. I spent the night at her place in Verdun and came home early Sunday to change and cycled back to McGill, but the secondary location in an auditorium was also aborted after we had measured them all out. From Monday to today it has been full time at Vox and no dates, except last night I visted with SRoberts and removed some hidious wall sconses and then met up with Jeff and his son Sam at Casa, Sam had just finished his semester at McGill and Jeff had driven up from SJ to get him. And this morning Clo and I had our weekly breakfast date, a bit like a relationship RADAR or check-in. We’re doing really well together, I feel on the same wavelength, I trust her, I still desire her but I can manage it, can almost ignore it completely, and I feel tons of compersion for her when she is with Stephen. They are camping out tonight at Sarah and Pascal’s place, who are in PEI for the rest of the month, so Stephen is cat-sitting Holiday, despite his allergies. He has a big presentation tomorrow. I had hot video-sex with Kitty last night. She just asked me if I was going to send you the photo I sent her of me wearing my new thong that I ordered online especially for Bareoke this Saturday. I’m planning to go with AAA. OK off to watch a few more online web episodes of Mercy Mistress. I’m curious to expand my service sub and service dom sides; I’m a bit of a switch.
-chris
—
Chris Lloyd
° 514 295-3048
° Twitter : @dearpm
° Instagram : dearpm2001
° Tumblr : dearpm.tumblr.com
° Blogger : dearpm.blogspot.ca
° LinkdIn : Chris Lloyd
from chris lloyd
to pm@pm.gc.ca
date May 5, 2019, 10:05 PM
subject cock cock cock
Dear Justin,
I am still alive. I survived the weekend, and Bareoke, and sleeping over at Kitty’s with AAA, and erectile dysfunction, and no sleep, and grocery shopping, and getting a surprise cheque in the mail on Friday from the Beaverbrook for an artist fee for a painting of mine that was in some group show, which enabled me to get groceries, and pay Romy to watch the kids for a few hours Saturday night while Clo and I went to the first half of a danse/danse show, and drinks at Midway afterwards, and the Bareoke entry for AAA and I (we sang Wild Nights, I wore a new red thong under my regular underwear), and ice cream from McDonalds today for Clo and I amd the kids and Femke, who came over for a playdate. Why McDonalds? Because $4.50 for a scoop of ice cream is insane.
—
Chris Lloyd
° 514 295-3048
° Twitter : @dearpm
° Instagram : dearpm2001
° Tumblr : dearpm.tumblr.com
° Blogger : dearpm.blogspot.ca
° LinkdIn : Chris Lloyd
from chris lloyd
to pm@pm.gc.ca
date May 6, 2019, 11:14 PM
subject cunt cunt cunt
Dear Justin,
I am still alive. I survived another Monday. Vox. Setting up the set. Knee hurts. I’ve taken CBD, ibuprofen, Aleve, Aspirin, CBD-THC, and plastered my knee with strips of Salonpas. Just had a nice long video chat with Kitty, though it had very cynical moments when we talked about politics. Politicians are the worst.
—
Chris Lloyd
° 514 295-3048
° Twitter : @dearpm
° Instagram : dearpm2001
° Tumblr : dearpm.tumblr.com
° Blogger : dearpm.blogspot.ca
° LinkdIn : Chris Lloyd
from chris lloyd
to pm@pm.gc.ca
date May 9, 2019, 9:07 PM
subject pussy pussy pussy
Dear Justin,
I am still alive. I am surviving the install at Vox, saws breaking, or dulling, and my weekly breakfast checkin with Clo, and emotions. My mom wrote me back a couple days ago, she is not handling the polyamorous news well. She used the word “devastated”. I don’t know why she feels that way. It is starting to really feel like it will work, I actually enjoy having S here and I like to see how loving he and Clo are together. I miss Kitty and am making plans to hang out with AAA more, like to the Articule opening on Friday and maybe Alexis’s performance of Ouff, and the next Glitter Bomb drag and dance party.
—
Chris Lloyd
° 514 295-3048
° Twitter : @dearpm
° Instagram : dearpm2001
° Tumblr : dearpm.tumblr.com
° Blogger : dearpm.blogspot.ca
° LinkdIn : Chris Lloyd
from chris lloyd
to pm@pm.gc.ca
date May 12, 2019, 11:06 PM
subject tits tits tits
Dear Justin,
I am still alive. I survived the weekend, an epic Friday night with AAA at an opening at Articule, sausages for supper at Benelux, Alexis’s last performance of Ouff at La Chapelle, dancing at Rockette Bar, pizza at 2am, a nightcap at Darling, breaking the car out of the parking garage under and Verdun. Then made a mess of it all by being insensitive and inconsiderate with Kitty and only just now understood exactly how. Relationships can be hard and I am a slow learner. And a bit daft. I texted my mom Mother’s Day wishes, how lame can a first-born son get?
—
Chris Lloyd
° 514 295-3048
° Twitter : @dearpm
° Instagram : dearpm2001
° Tumblr : dearpm.tumblr.com
° Blogger : dearpm.blogspot.ca
° LinkdIn : Chris Lloyd
from chris lloyd
to pm@pm.gc.ca
date May 14, 2019, 9:02 AM
subject Sad sad sad
Dear Justin,
I an still alive. I survived an intense, demanding day at vox yesterday (started with 40 minutes in traffic because I wanted to drop the car off for an oil change but of course Montréal clusterfuck construction) and then after getting kids and supper and bedtime I met with S to discuss all the recent transitions, and he expressed his appreciation and I really felt it was a good conversation but I didn’t sleep well and feel unrested and a bit panicked and sad. I’m going to stay at Kitty’s for the next few nights I think I need some time alone. Do you think I’m a cuckold?
Sent with positive vibes from my super-duper hand-held computing device.
from chris lloyd
to pm@pm.gc.ca
date May 16, 2019, 10:37 PM
subject puke puke puke
Dear Justin,
I am still alive. I survived the opening at Vox last night – we had pretty much wrapped everything up on Tuesday, though we did end up moving a projector, because we had straightened out one of the screens, which was warped. In any case, I invited AAA to come to the opening and we declined going to the big group dinner and drank at Midway with DA6 instead, then went to Montreal Pool Room for hotdogs and then across the street to Cleopatra’s for strippers. Took a cab back to her place in Verdun. Same performance issues so I think it must be the alcohol. I stayed at Kitty’s on Tuesday night, washed laundry, cleaned up a bit and wired up her microwave under the new shelf I made for it. I felt I needed some time alone, away from Clo and S and the kids and the house and me having to perform the good open poly husband and patient father, when I’m still not feeling all that great inside. But on the outside I’m good. And I’m not depressed. Not even sad. Had breakfast with Clo this morning but we didn’t have time to RADAR, we’ll do it next week or maybe Saturday morning.
—
Chris Lloyd
° 514 295-3048
° Twitter : @dearpm
° Instagram : dearpm2001
° Tumblr : dearpm.tumblr.com
° Blogger : dearpm.blogspot.ca
° LinkdIn : Chris Lloyd
from chris lloyd
to pm@pm.gc.ca
date May 17, 2019, 4:46 PM
subject fucker fucker fucker
Dear Justin,
I am still alive. I think I’m having some sort of panic attack or anxiety. I don’t know if I can keep on like this, I feel anxious about spending time with Claudine as if we were still a regular couple and this lack of desire and no sex sticks in my throat, it feels like heartburn. I don’t know who to talk to except the Internet. I can’t help but feel rejected, and I don’t know why she won’t try, or if she is happy with this arrangement why I can’t accept it and just be happy with Kitty who fulfills so much and AAA who is so much fun why do I still feel like a failure?
Sent with positive vibes from my super-duper hand-held computing device.
from chris lloyd
to pm@pm.gc.ca
date May 18, 2019, 3:23 AM
subject death death death
Dear Justin,
I am still alive. I survived another breakdown. Worked all day for Vox, first a meeting about the Period Rooms at Chateau Dufresne and then the rest of the afternoon at the office with an aching knee and ever-increasingly aching heart and then when Clo pushed me at supper to explain what was wrong it all came out wrong in that triggering way I do and it left us both crying and exhausted and drained and unsure of anything but the show must go on, so off to Clark for the openings and putting on the brave face and then to Peter and Swintak’s and more bravery until time to relieve the sitter and despite having discussed that we would leave together Clo wasn’t ready while I can say my goodbyes to every single person at a party in under 2 minutes but whatever. I don’t know if it is the full moon or what my emotions are so out of wack and I walked back to Clark to get my bike and cycled to Kitty’s because the idea of sleeping in the room down the hall from the love of my life who rejects me is too much to handle, I can’t fake it anymore. And I know I am the selfish careless asshole in all of this which just makes me want to disappear.
Sent with positive vibes from my super-duper hand-held computing device.
from chris lloyd
to pm@pm.gc.ca
date May 22, 2019, 12:18 AM
subject pickle pickle pickle
Dear Justin,
I am still alive. I survived Glitter Bomb with AAA and the weekend and running out of money and Kitty’s arrival. Hanging with her now, working SBC and Vox this week,
Oh right also survived the Judith Inquisition, which left Clo in tears but was perhaps expected. Most of the visit very pleasant and we know she cares about us, it just affects Clo.
RUNNING ON FUMES FUMES FUMES
But the best things in life are free. Like sex.
Sent with positive vibes from my super-duper hand-held computing device.
from chris lloyd
to pm@pm.gc.ca
date May 22, 2019, 2:15 PM
subject nuts nuts nuts
Dear Justin,
I am still alive. I’m surviving another moment of hypo-mania, I can feel it rising in me. Is it because Kitty is back? Is it because the sun is shining and the temperature warm finally? Is it because the moon is waning? Waxing? Is it because the Hump film festival is tomorrow and I am excited to go with Kitty, AAA and Chris and Jason? Is it because it is springtime in Montreal and everyone looks good? Is it because the CLSC finally contacted me and I have a mental health consultation in a couple weeks which includes a 70-page questionnaire to print and fill out? I just had a nice RADAR and lunch with Clo but spent my last (borrowed) $20 so literally on fumes until Friday. Fuck I hate living paycheck to paycheck. Fucking hate it.
—
Chris Lloyd
° 514 295-3048
° Twitter : @dearpm
° Instagram : dearpm2001
° Tumblr : dearpm.tumblr.com
° Blogger : dearpm.blogspot.ca
° LinkdIn : Chris Lloyd
from chris lloyd
to pm@pm.gc.ca
date May 24, 2019, 11:33 AM
subject bolts bolts bolts
Dear Justin,
I am still alive. I survived the Dan Savage HUMP amateur porn film festival screening last night at Cinema L’Amour with Kitty and AAA. It was sooooooo good! Such beauty and sex-positivity. And for some reason you made a number of cameos in many of the films – must have been part of the criteria for last years’s submissions. Anyway, the three of us walked back to Kitty’s in the rain and had a night worthy of documenting, though we didn’t. And I had a second careless act cause major pain to Kitty but we talked and fucked and made up this morning: I really need to tread more carefully around her, she isn’t as strong or secure as she presents herself. She’s giving me so much right now, and helping me grow so much as a person. I really imagine a beautiful future with her and our growing polycule. Sometimes life is good.
—
Chris Lloyd
° 514 295-3048
° Twitter : @dearpm
° Instagram : dearpm2001
° Tumblr : dearpm.tumblr.com
° Blogger : dearpm.blogspot.ca
° LinkdIn : Chris Lloyd
from chris lloyd
to pm@pm.gc.ca
date May 24, 2019, 4:15 PM
subject screws screws screws
Dear Justin,
I am still alive. I survived a crazy week working back and forth between Vox and SBC, and having my bike break down on me halfway home on Wednesday, I had to hop on a bus, no passes left on OPUS (in fact I am on my 4th free / illegal ride this week, right now), barely got the kids in time, and my poor bike still left outside on St. Laurent of all places. I fear my rear derailer is shot.
And then to make matters worse my Vox pay didn’t seem to go through which means literally no more fucking money until Monday. Fuck I cannot express to you how angry this makes me. Fuck!
Sent with positive vibes from my super-duper hand-held computing device.
from chris lloyd
to pm@pm.gc.ca
date May 27, 2019, 6:00 PM
subject crabs crabs crabs
Dear Justin,
I am still alive. I survived the weekend: getting paid finally Friday evening, bed early at home that night, getting more tiles for the bathroom Saturday, then to SBC to place vinyl, then to Parc Jean Drapeau for Anjunabeats with Kitty. We split some LCD and I took some mushrooms for added kick, then had full emotional blowback and throwback, still loving Kitty but missing Claudine. It was a fun concert, very Above and Beyond and a bit repetitive in the EDM department from time to time but we danced a lot and it never rained that hard and overall we had a very fun night. I asked to be put in Kitty’s restraints later. Sunday we woke up early so we could get groceries to make brunch for the family, the kids and S and Clo. Then in the afternoon there was the annual Apéro for the flowering of our crabappletree, with almost all the neighbours, so it was a bit of a coming out as we finally introduced S and Kitty as our new partners. Certainly raised some eyebrows but everyone seems cool with it. Spent the night at Kitty’s, she had an emotional morning and my day at Vox and Chateau Dufresne was all messed up – traffic. Met Kitty at her ex’s to retrieve a bunch of her clothes and shoes and then bought live snow crabs for supper.
-chris
Sent with positive vibes from my super-duper hand-held computing device.
from chris lloyd
to pm@pm.gc.ca
date May 31, 2019, 12:13 AM
subject ants ants ants
Dear Justin,
I am still alive. I survived another breakup with Kitty. She came over last night to watch the kids so Clo and I could go to Pip’s farewell dinner together, and then I blew up at Clo for using a very mean tone with me telling me to put my phone down, and I flew into a rage (too much wine) and cycled home to get clothes to go to Kitty’s but feeling more like just wanting to crash my bike into a truck, then accused Kitty of trying to sabotage my relationship with AAA, who is annoyed that I haven’t been in touch with her much since our threesome, and it all just disintegrated from there. I think I keep my anger under wraps and then it explodes and I don’t know how to diffuse it. This time the breakup feels for real, I don’t think she’ll turn around, I can’t meet her emotional expectations. I feel a little heartbroken but maybe this is for the best, maybe I need to be single for awhile, work on my own emotions. The work at Vox is not fun at the moment and I feel discouraged on all fronts. Cheryl from the former DHC emailed me to say that they are looking for a full-time head tech, and invited me to apply. I think I will. I need some stability in my life. Or more anarchy.
—
Chris Lloyd
° 514 295-3048
° Twitter : @dearpm
° Instagram : dearpm2001
° Tumblr : dearpm.tumblr.com
° Blogger : dearpm.blogspot.ca
° LinkdIn : Chris Lloyd
DEAR PM 