from chris lloyd
to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Nov 4, 2019, 9:18 PM
(no subject)
Dear Justin,
Well now. What a whirlwind weekend. I managed to finally get a flight to Montreal for Friday, for Halloween, but I didn’t get home until 8, so missed the trick-or-treating. The kids weren’t too upset. Clo and I were supposed to have that talk, but she had plans to go out Friday night, and left to go party. Sunday was a potential time as well but she wasn’t feeling it, and I had plans to move a fridge and stove. Fred and Sarah gave me their fridge and stove – the stove was actually the one claudine and I bought back in 2007, when we first moved back to Montreal as a married couple – as they are renovating their kitchen. I didn’t want the stove – I don’t think I can handle taking too much with me that has any trace of claudine to it. I traded the stove for a drier with my friend Eduardo, who also helped me lug all this stuff up and down flights of stairs. My new landlady let me take the fridge and drier to my new place in Outremont. I had only just given her the credit check and rental application form but I guess I have the place already. In any case, I didn’t see Claudine again until this morning at our meeting with the mediator when she presented me with her proposal. Given the substantial increase in value to our apartment – 117%, to be precise – the same increase applies to the gift – the living inheritance – that Gilles gave her so we could buy the place back in 2014. Hmmmm. I wonder if it was as far back as 2014 that the wheels began to come off our relationship? Maybe it is all tied to that house. I wonder why Claudine wants to keep it so bad. Anyway, his $50K is now $117K, so Clo’s offer to me stands at around $35K, because she subtracted all the personal expenses I made on our shared line of credit, understandably. Her proposal was a 4-page legal document, full of figures and reasonings and quotes, and words like “entitlements”, and if nothing else really just sucked the last of the love, compassion and respect I had for her. If she honestly only thinks that the last 16 years of my life with her – and 2 children, and then the house – are worth $35K, then she is so much more self-centred, callous and cold-hearted than I ever could have possibly believed. And dammit why did I leave a hand-written copy of that poem beside her bed. It was the last emotional thing I will ever write or do for her again. She claims that if I reject her offer and push for a sale of the house it would be an act of revenge on my part. Fuck that. Maybe a bit is revenge but WTF, $35K is not going to give me jack shit to try to re-build my life from scratch, to ensure my kids have … I don’t know, what do they need from me more than my love and attention? I need a lawyer. I’m thinking of countering with a one page, one word offer: $66,000. That’s it and goodbye. Take it or we sell the house asap.
from chris lloyd
to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Nov 6, 2019, 5:21 AM
(no subject)
Dear Justin,
My insomnia has returned with a vengeance. I was up at 3:30am yesterday and 4am this morning. Using the time to meditate – just a wee bit, I think I meditate better throughout the day, while just living the day. Also watching episodes of Dark. Judith asked Mel if he knew of good lawyers in Montreal who could help give me some clarification on the legalities of Claudine’s offer. I still can hardly believe she is acting so selfishly in all this; that even if it is true the 117% increase in the value of our apartment applies also to the $50K her father gifter her, why would she presume to keep it all to herself? Unless – this is such a leap – what if she was planning to leave me ever since we bought the house? Knowing she can easily afford to keep it all to herself with a measly payout to me of $35K? I had a really good session with Yaël last night, via Facetime, discussing Claudine’s motivations (we didn’t discuss so much my own emotional reactions to things – that will be more for next time, when all the legal and financial matters have been wrung out). How long will this all take? Ideally we wanted to come to an agreement before the holidays, but this could easily get bogged down in offers and counter-offers, and ultimately no agreement except to sell the house. And I am fine with that – I’ve already started clearing out my studio, tool room, and archives (archives! ha, junk and detritus is a better term). I don’t think it is an act of revenge, even though Claudine may see it that way. She must feel incredible guilt, and loss, and is avoiding those feelings by focusing on nickels and dimes.
—
Chris Lloyd
° 514 295-3048
° Twitter : @dearpm
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from chris lloyd
to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Nov 7, 2019, 7:40 AM
(no subject)
Dear Justin,
Had a few exchanges of texts with Claudine yesterday, as follows:
She writes: Hi there, wondering if you still want to communicate while we are also doing the financial thing, or it you’d rather not?
Me: I would like us only to communicate on logistics and matters relating exclusively to the kids
She: OK. Like, forever, or for now? Are we still doing our talk at some point in the future, or only after this storm has passed?
Me: I have no way of predicting the aftermath of a storm.
She: Indeed. I wonder how this storm would weather had we had our talk, as scheduled.
We can’t know.
I reached out because I found your letter last night.
En français on dit: ” Après la pluie, le beau temps “. I hope we make it there.I want to find a place of agreement, I hope you know that. I won’t write about anything but kids and logistics from now on.
And so that could be it for our communication, at least as it pertains to us emotionally. I think I will stick solely to logistics and the welfare of our children from now on. I said everything I needed to say in that poem. I don’t need to hear it from her when she began her affair with Stephen, what does it matter? I already know she was purposefully deceitful, and that betrayal says it all.
Oh, and I did just reply to her texts from yesterday:
Me: Can you ask Rose if she handed in the order for the Xmas tree?
from chris lloyd
to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Nov 11, 2019, 3:39 AM
(no subject)
Dear Justin,
I painted the dining room and upstairs hallway at my parents house this weekend, it looks great – though still a tad more colour in it than I prefer. The r is called mince onion.
Came out to judith and Roberts cottage to hang out and watch the shining, to prepare for Dr. Sleep.
I didn’t yet hear back from that lawyer in Montreal regarding Claudine’s offer, but she did text me this on Friday:
I really am unhappy with the way mediation went on Monday and how I presented the offer, and even the offer itself. I really thought we would speak before hand and I would be able to prepare differently. I feel very selfish, and I want you to get a good deal out of this, because I recognize all the labour and love you put in the house. And most of all I don’t want money matters to kill the possibility of cordial, even friendly relations. I wonder if you would be open to talking about it over FaceTime this weekend or next week?
To which I replied: I’m not prepared to discuss anything like this at the moment. I’ll let you know when I do.
I wonder if it is dead already? She still inhabits so much my dreams, which wake me up almost every night at 3:30am.
The hardest thing is letting go, but that is what I am working on the hardest.
Sent with positive vibes from my super-duper hand-held computing device.
from chris lloyd
to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Nov 11, 2019, 8:51 PM
(no subject)
Dear Justin,
Holy moly, Robert re-did the math for the calculations Claudine used to come up with her $37K offer and realized that she was completely erroneous, and pulled the entire $108K from MY SHARE instead of from the value of the house, so even assuming she gets the interest on the $50K ($108) I should still get $92K after everything is divided up. I know she can’t afford to add that amount to her mortgage unless her dad coughs up at least another $50K so we still may have to sell, but at least when we sell I might walk away with $100K.
The potential money doesn’t exactly fix a broken heart, but it does help it heal faster.
I have a phone appointment with a lawyer in Montreal tomorrow, the firm recommended by my therapist.
—
Chris Lloyd
° 514 295-3048
° Twitter : @dearpm
° Instagram : dearpm2001
° Tumblr : dearpm.tumblr.com
° Blogger : dearpm.blogspot.ca
° LinkdIn : Chris Lloyd
from chris lloyd
to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Nov 14, 2019, 7:39 AM
(no subject)
Dear Justin,
I finally reached a lawyer in Montreal yesterday who is going to prepare my counter-offer. I revised my travel dates – coming back home to Montreal the last weekend in November so Claudine and I can meet with our mediator and I can present my offer. As Robert had discovered, Claudine made an error in subtracting the entire $108K from my amount owed, so my counter-offer will be something like $92K plus an amount for setting up my new apartment – half of market value of what we currently own, and that I need to replace.
I know Claudine can’t afford this offer, unless Gilles steps in with a significant influx.
But as Judith reminded me – many times yesterday, as I woke up again at 3:30 in the morning but this time I was still high – I had tried a THC spray to help me sleep but it had the opposite effect – I fell back into paranoia and anxiety and way too many thoughts running through my head – anyway Judith reminded me that all of this is a result of Claudine making choices for her, and these are the consequences. I’m moving forward with my life, and I need to be able to provide for my kids in the same way I am now.
Boy I miss my kids. Thankfully now there will be no more 2 week stays in SJ.
—
Chris Lloyd
° 514 295-3048
° Twitter : @dearpm
° Instagram : dearpm2001
° Tumblr : dearpm.tumblr.com
° Blogger : dearpm.blogspot.ca
° LinkdIn : Chris Lloyd
from chris lloyd
to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Nov 19, 2019, 1:19 AM
(no subject)
Dear Justin,
Hi there. Sorry I haven’t written in a while, I just haven’t felt like it. I’ve been back to Saint John now sorry I’ve been back to Montréal and anne back in Saint John now. Had a good, I’ll be at short, weekend with the kids. We went to the pool, we visited S Roberts and Gloria, we watched movies, we bought groceries, I worked a bit on the bathroom, and I continued purging my junk.
Saturday evening Aiana and Rick came over, also tania came over… And I think I quite like her. Too bad she is moving to PEI. Like, right now. I am listening to a lot of her music lately. And thinking about her.
I am still struggling with sleep. More specifically, the lack of sleep, or the fact that I keep waking up in the middle of the night. S ROBERTS with Collett Terre valley, and a.m. would call it the chattering monkeys. For me, it’s the constant presence of Claudine, and sometimes Stephan, in my dreams and in my thoughts.
It feels somehow just so wrong and unnatural to Force ones self to fall out of love with someone. But maybe that is what needs to happen in order to be open to finding new love.
Dictated, not corrected.
Sent with positive vibes from my super-duper hand-held computing device.
from chris lloyd
to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Nov 25, 2019, 8:07 PM
(no subject)
Dear Justin,
I’ve been to and from, back and forth from NB to Montreal and back again, I think, since my last letter.
My lawyers drafted a letter for my counter-offer and boy is it a doozy. I am relishing the moment – next Monday, the 2nd of december, to be precise – when I deliver it to her in the presence of our mediator, who I will ask to read it, so I can watch Claudine’s face as she realizes what a deep hole she has dug for herself.
I’ve had many conversations with friends this weekend and learned even more disturbing details about Clo, her personality, and our relationship. She may not be a full-blown narcissist, but she definitely displays many traits. I think the veil is finally off for me; I can see her and her behavior and how abusive it was to me. How she belittled me, practically neutered me. I believe now her actions most certainly contributed to my descent into depression. Of course my finances and lack of stable income or employment did as well – as di the NGC contract in Ottawa, the election of Trump, my own uncertainties, of course all of that, but the fact she withheld so much from me – and had so many affairs!
She says she wants it all, and can’t understand why she can’t have it all. She can’t understand because she lacks empathy and she is completely self-absorbed.
I do feel sorry for her, but finally I am glad I am free from her siren call, and can look forward in peace. I am sorry that she bet on the wrong horse; I am sorry that she is losing dear friends because of her selfishness; I am sorry she pivoted into a job that fuels her growing partying and drug abuse; I am sorry that she tries so hard to bury her shame in excesses of sex and drugs and parties and the most superficial bullshit. She is in for some rude awakenings.
—
Chris Lloyd
° 514 295-3048
° Twitter : @dearpm
° Instagram : dearpm2001
° Tumblr : dearpm.tumblr.com
° Blogger : dearpm.blogspot.ca
° LinkdIn : Chris Lloyd
from chris lloyd
to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Nov 27, 2019, 7:47 PM
subject still going!
Dear Justin,
Counting down the days to Monday, D-day, the big rebuttal, statement of intent, my position.
I have been advised strongly – by my close friends, advisors, life coaches, as well as what is written by innumerable Buddhists – to let go, to ignore the narcissist, to release the power they have over me. And to do this, I must deny the temptation to download all those conversations from her Facebook messenger, where I know all the answers lie, where all the dark secrets lurk.
If I walk away from it, I have more strength, no?
I may lose the details, but I walk away stronger in my resolve.
I need to delete all the photos, and the single porn video. I don’t want to – I am a hoarder, after all – and sentimental, to boot – but I should do it.
Making little paintings for the kids tonight. Painted and did drywall repairs at Judith and Robert’s house today; had supper there for the third night in a row.
—
Chris Lloyd
° 514 295-3048
° Twitter : @dearpm
° Instagram : dearpm2001
° Tumblr : dearpm.tumblr.com
° Blogger : dearpm.blogspot.ca
° LinkdIn : Chris Lloyd
DEAR PM 