2020
from chris lloyd to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Feb 1, 2020, 9:43 PM subject Fifteen
Dear Justin,
I had a dream last night that makes me think I am finally almost truly over my Ex. In the dream I was telling her all the ways she had been unkind to me, and how I think she needs help. Maybe it is a sign that we need to have one final conversation?
Anyway, my kids were up super-early as they often are on weekends. We did go sliding at the hill nearby for most of the afternoon but there has been lots of Tv – shows like Brain Games or movie trailers and was hoping for a Studio Ghibli film tonight but it ended up being Paddington 2. I fell asleep.
I’m also missing Jess, and want her in my life with the kids too – but I know we need to take that part slow, since we’re taking everything else so fast. I think if we still feel the same in a couple of weeks I’ll introduce her to the kids. I think Rose would be fascinated and intrigued to know I am dating a witch.
I’m a gonna finish an episode of Sex Education and then bed. So tired.
—
- ° Chris Lloyd
- ° 514 295-3048
- ° chris lloyd projects
from chris lloyd to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Feb 3, 2020, 10:51 AM subject Sixteen
Dear Justin,
Had a swell day with the kids and Femke, Sarah and Etienne yesterday. The girls were thrilled to be re-united, they are such BFFs. We had brunch at my place – I totally overcooked the eggs – and then we all went skating at that cute circular pond at Saint Viateur Park, where there was some sort of winter carnival going on that was totally unexpected. It meant there were waaaaaay more people than usual but we still had a good skate. Good friends, good times.
Apparently there was no consensus amongst the groundhogs whether there will be 6 more weeks of winter or an early spring. Wouldn’t 6 weeks from now be considered an early spring anyhow?
I have the afternoon off and so am meeting Jess for dumplings shortly, then want to go thrift shopping, then cuddle* time before I pick up the kids.
*wild hot sex
—
- ° Chris Lloyd
- ° 514 295-3048
- ° chris lloyd projects
from chris lloyd to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Feb 4, 2020, 9:41 PM subject Seventeen
Dear Justin,
Did you ever read that magazine, Seventeen, when you were younger?
Do you ever feel overwhelmed by making lunches, getting kids out of bed, feeding them, getting on the metro, getting them to school, and going to work on the metro? Do you miss those days? Is your new routine any less hectic?
I love being with the kids full-time, they are so much fun to be with, even when it’s not all fun and games. But it is exhausting. I really should start my taxes or those paintings but I’ll fold laundry and watch Sex Education or another new episode of Bojack instead. Making plans with Jess for Friday night – Sam is coming to babysit – and again Saturday night after I drop the kids off to Claudine.
I picked up my new mattress topper and slept on it last night and it does help, though it seems counter-intuitive that a down and feather mattress topper can help make a soft mattress firmer. Maybe it is in the power of suggestion? Maybe the nice adult colouring book they included in the package – which has a HAND WRITTEN thank-you for my purchase inside the front cover? WTF?
And one of the images is of someone in the bath, looking at their legs in the exact same way that Claudine does, all those photos she sent Steve over the past couple years, so I have convinced Rose to colour it in and give it to her as a birthday gift. I already enjoy how perplexed she will be when she gets it.
—
- ° Chris Lloyd
- ° 514 295-3048
- ° chris lloyd projects
from chris lloyd to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Feb 11, 2020, 5:16 PM subject Nineteen
Dear Justin,
Oh, I forgot to mention that I had a good session with Yaël on Monday afternoon, where we spoke mostly about my leniency and passivity around Rose and Sol and how I need to establish better discipline and boundaries. After that I went to see SRoberts for supper and a chat. Came back home – Jess had stayed at my place – and we watched Miranda July’s film The Future, which was eerie and uncanny.
Finishing work now, need to get groceries on the way home, clean up the apartment a bit, then meeting Karen for a drink, then heading to Jess’s overnight, because we sleep well together.
—
- ° Chris Lloyd
- ° 514 295-3048
- ° chris lloyd projects
from chris lloyd to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Feb 12, 2020, 5:17 PM subject Twenty
Dear Justin,
Well my visit with Karen went well, it is a bit awkward because we are both into one another, she is not usually attracted to men, but I am feeling quite happy with Jess – whom I managed to hurt and disappoint by being late and not calling or texting and so after she reflected – and I had walked almost to her house – she wanted the night alone, but we had a good phone conversation on my walk back home. I recognized right away how inconsiderate that was of me, I don’t want to repeat old patterns so I can’t keep planning too many things into short amounts of time. I should have known my visit with Karen would be at least a couple hours. I should have been more aware of the time. Next time. Tonight Jess is coming over for supper and sleepover, but I need to get some groceries at Segal’s on my way home from work. Also starting to feel stress about Sol’s party; almost all the invitees are coming, so it will be Rose and I managing 10 6-7 year-olds. I hope the board game / Beyblades will be enough. Maybe I should make a Treasure Hunt? And Gift Bags? My brother Aaron sent Sol a really amazing book, called the Dangerous Book for Boys – it is encyclopaedic in scope and too advanced, but there is a lot I can read to him at night – but I haven’t gotten him a gift yet. Better do that soon. At least his birthday won’t be as lame as last year.
—
- ° Chris Lloyd
- ° 514 295-3048
- ° chris lloyd projects
from chris lloyd to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Feb 14, 2020, 9:18 PM subject Twenty-one
Dear Justin,
Just finished disco class with sarah and am meeting Jess at breweries Beaubien for a live show – some sort of ironic Valentines thing. I stayed overnight at her place last night, had a good sleep and an even better sendoff to work this morning. Wednesday she stayed over at my place, I made supper for us but the snow removal was in full force and kept me up. Wednesday morning she realized she had a UTI from all the sex, we probably aggregated it with morning sex yesterday but it is something we both really enjoy. We’ll have to take a break from the sex but just sleeping together it’s nice. Work is very very busy and I’m a bit stressed with the magnitude of it all but at least I cannot e bored. Today I even suggested a painting concept for the gallery that will be showing the video clips: painting a test pattern on one long walls. Marie-Josée really liked the idea so now I have to order paint and make time to do it.
Jess arrived and says your beard makes you look strong, lean and tight. It covers your pudgy baby face. Sent with positive vibes from my super-duper hand-held computing device.
from chris lloyd to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Feb 15, 2020, 10:28 PM subject Twenty-two
Dear Justin,
Do you know what really bothers me about the blockades? The complaints any colonial settler has about them.
It’s too bad you can’t do anything about it. It would take someone of real authority and moral integrity to pull the respect the Wet’suwet’en and get the RCMP out and stop trying to railroad pipelines through first nations lands.
Our true and native land.
I’ve got my kids for the week, and am preparing for Sol’s birthday party here tomorrow. 10 kids, it should be fun. A little crazy to be sure, but I’m sure the kids will have fun.
—
- ° Chris Lloyd
- ° 514 295-3048
- ° chris lloyd projects
from chris lloyd to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Feb 16, 2020, 9:35 PM subject Twenty-three
Dear Justin,
I am still alive. I survived the party. It was fairly relaxed, the kids mostly ignored my attempts to play organized board games and instead just had unstructured play time. François stayed with me the whole time which was great for my sanity.
I do wonder about Sol and whether he is just a spoiled brat; even with all the new plastic crap he received for gifts he was complaining at the end of the night that I didn’t get him a particularly expensive Minecraft Lego. That kid doesn’t display any gratefulness sometimes. He might have been tuckered out though.
Off to bed as the weekly cycle begins again tomorrow, 6am wakeup and lunches and work etc., though tomorrow I am planning a work-from-home date with Jess.
—
- ° Chris Lloyd
- ° 514 295-3048
- ° chris lloyd projects
from chris lloyd to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Feb 17, 2020, 5:20 PM subject Twenty-three
Dear Justin,
Some thoughts, as I sit at Café Olympico after dropping the kids off at school and finally getting my apartment keys copied:
I’m reading The year of magical thinking, by Joan Didion. I wonder if grief experienced by the sudden death of a loved one can at all be compared the the grief of losing a loved one over a period of time. They are certainly different, I can only imagine.
I’m worried about money. Worried of spending too much. Unable or unwilling to set up a budget for myself, though Sarah had suggested a great way to do it, living off a cash allowance only. I should try it. I really should.
I really should do my taxes. I really should start painting again. I have a prescription for blood tests magnetted to the fridge at home I really should make an appointment. I really should mail that cheque for $16K to my trustees and wipe that debt off the face of my earth.
I dreamt last night I was Jon Hamm’s boyfriend and he impulsively bought an old homemade portable tiny house built and sold from an eldery couple for $30k. I was upset with him for spending so impulsively.
Should I glean from this that I should buy a tiny house to retire to? With Jess?
Sent with positive vibes from my super-duper hand-held computing device.
from chris lloyd to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Feb 17, 2020, 9:26 PM subject Twenty-five
Dear Justin,
Only twenty-five letters into 2020 and I’ve already lost count, mistakenly sending letter twenty-four as another twenty-three.
Jess came over this afternoon for an art date, I painted and she assembled pages for a reprinting of her book Fourth Walk. We’ve decided to be monogamous with each other; it feels absolutely wonderful, in fact. Like winning a big prize or something.
We haven’t made specific love declarations to one another yet, but I want to.
You know what else I want? More blockades, street demonstrations, shutdowns from one end of the country to the other to the other. And you need to decide which side of history you want to be on. Are you with that dipshit Jason Kenny or are you with Greta Thunberg? Quick, make up your mind, the whole world is watching.
—
- ° Chris Lloyd
- ° 514 295-3048
- ° chris lloyd projects
from chris lloyd to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Feb 18, 2020, 10:50 PM subject Twenty-six
Dear Justin,
Get the RCMP out of Wet’suwet’en territory already.
I’ve re-activated my Chris Lloyd for Papineau Facebook page in order to reach a wider audience for pro-blockade and pro-land defender posts.
Thanks for making me political again.
—
- ° Chris Lloyd
- ° 514 295-3048
- ° chris lloyd projects
from chris lloyd to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Feb 19, 2020, 9:10 PM subject Twenty-seven
Dear Justin,
Had a busy day at work, met Jess and her friend Liz for dumplings at noon, realized my bank card has just up and stopped working, so couldn’t refresh vegetables and tangerines and it will be up to 2 weeks before a new card will arrive. I’ll find a way to get some cash.
If I didn’t have a job to do I would be joining a blockade. So glad to hear about new ones popping up every day. Well, it would be better if the RCMP just left Wet’suwet’en territory altogether, and Coastal Gaslink abandoned the LNG pipeline, and everyone just started transitioning already, so that a real move towards reconciliation can begin. Because it is all about the land; it always has been, and always will be.
—
- ° Chris Lloyd
- ° 514 295-3048
- ° chris lloyd projects
from chris lloyd to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Feb 21, 2020, 12:39 PM subject Twenty-eight
Dear Justin,
There is a rally in support of the Wet’suwet’en today at 2pm starting at metro St. Laurent, which is super-close to VOX and so I am hoping to slip out of work for a bit to attend. I’ve downloaded a petition from the Green Party as for every 25 signatures they get they will be able to pose questions about the situation in Parliament. How many times do you think you can dodge the questions?
In other news, I am really looking forward to disco class tonight and especially with seeing Jess afterwards. Sarah came over last night for supper and a visit, we are both thinking and talking about Claudine less and less.
Soon she will be someone I just used to know.
—
- ° Chris Lloyd
- ° 514 295-3048
- ° chris lloyd projects
from chris lloyd to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Feb 23, 2020, 7:29 PM subject Twenty-nine
Dear Justin,
I impulsively bought 2 tickets to see Rage Against the Machine in Ottawa in July. Yesterday and today I was painting the living room and hallway of SRoberts apartment. Last night I met Jess at an underground venue called the Bog to see a play called Waiting for Godot’s Likes. The club is literally underground; up the stairs to an apartment building on Notre Dame, down the hall, down a flight of stairs, around another hallway, down more stairs, another hallway, then a final flight of stairs. The play was ok, for raw amateur theatre, it felt like a fair bit of improv wrapped around a very loose structure. Afterwards I made a total rookie navigating Montreal mistake and kept walking west on Notre Dame looking for Lionel Groulx, without realizing we were already west of it, being in St-Henri of course, d’uh. Didn’t realize until we were almost at the highway. Waited half an hour for a cab. An SPVM cruiser stopped to see if we – or Jess, most likely – were OK. She had had too much bourbon. It was a good $40 cab ride back to her place, we were literally in a no-man’s land.
I had initially planned to go to Nicole’s birthday party at Peter and Swintak’s place but got an email from Claudine saying she was going to be there and I am not ready to see her out socially. Maybe never. Which is too bad because Jonathan is having a big 40th birthday party at les ateliers Belleville the night of Nuit Blanche which will probably be lots of fun. I am working VOX until midnight then Jess and I will check out the shibari demos at the gym across the street, so we probably won’t have time anyway. Decision made?
I’ve set a date for my housewarming, March 21. Judith is coming, I’ve booked her an AirBnB nearby for the night – in case it turns into an orgy haha!
—
- ° Chris Lloyd
- ° 514 295-3048
- ° chris lloyd projects
from chris lloyd to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Feb 24, 2020, 9:26 PM subject Thirty
Dear Justin,
I love Mondays. It is my day off in the week and now often I spend it with Jess. Today I had an appointment with a notary to go over changes I want to make to my will, notably removing my Ex, without realizing that once our divorce is finalized she would be removed automatically. But there are other changes to be made as well, and I do want to put things in order in case I am hit by a bus.
Also on Mondays, or every second Monday, I see Yaël, today she managed to sum up the later years of living with my Ex as a “Mind fuck”. It pretty much sums it up. Anyway, falling in love again is certainly the best way to get over someone else. Jess and I are so compatible it is a bit freakish and uncanny. Also it feels perfect.
Yesterday I finished painting at SRoberts and then Jess came over in the evening we ordered Indian food and watched Buffy.
She’s working right now on her manuscript while I fruitlessly look for the photos Judith sent me to start paintings, I must be sabotaging my own efforts. I think I will ask Jonathan if Steve the DJ is playing at his party. Also I don’t think I will mind so much if I go with Jess and my Ex is there because she will probably be stoned out of her tree.
I really do not wish her unwell, I am still processing my anger at her for not being able to put the work into our relationship, and for still getting everything that she wants, and for suffering no consequences for her deceptions. She just can’t handle life when it gets too difficult, and for that I feel pity for her.
—
- ° Chris Lloyd
- ° 514 295-3048
- ° chris lloyd projects
from chris lloyd to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Feb 25, 2020, 11:21 PM subject Thirty-one
Dear Justin,
Dammit yesterday was my brother Trevor’s birthday and I forgot to call or text him. I’m a Bad Brother!
Today I had a touchy text exchange with my Ex over my initiative to amend our life insurance policy. It set me off ruminating all day so tonight I went through FBook and deleted or untagged myself from every photo I could find of her or us together.
Rose is staying with me tonight. We went for a walk after getting back to my place, eating at Comptoir 21. On the way there we spoke for a long time with a man who recently immigrated to Canada from Pakistan where he had witnessed most of his family gunned down in cold blood. He is suffering from depression and PTSD and feels incredibly ashamed about asking strangers for money. I gave him $43, all that I had on me. BTW I think I lost my new bank card before I even activated it. It is still attached to the letter that arrived with it. Am I going to have to order a new one? I fear I am, unless it magically turns out that I put it in the fridge or cupboard in a mindless spell. Anyway back to Husein, he has 3 daughters and a teenage son and his wife and they bare cold and hungry and live a couple blocks from me and I wish I had given him my phone number. I hope I see him again and come up with a plan to help him and his family further.
Had a nice talk with Jess tonight, our most recent nicknames for each other are “Stinky Witch” and “Putrid Jizz Rag”. See, we are totally made for one another.
Am I falling in love too quickly? I don’t really care it feels wonderful.
—
- ° Chris Lloyd
- ° 514 295-3048
- ° chris lloyd projects
from chris lloyd to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Feb 27, 2020, 2:53 PM subject Thirty-two
Dear Justin,
I am writing from work, maybe avoiding work? Reading post after post about blockades, protests, counter-protests, vile right-wing comments, scathing commentary on the complete and utter fallacy of “reconciliation”.
Is this how you imagined your second mandate as PM would unfold? You spoke eloquently of reconciliation in 2015, you claimed there would be clean water within 5 years, did you really believe these things? Or did you just hope that this would all just slide under the radar, as it too often does.
The land struggles have been real for 400 years. Colonialism is real. Oppression is real. Institutional racism is real.
I really should get back to work.
Meeting Jess after work for something to eat before we head off to the openings and open studios at Darling Foundry tonight.
She’s inspiring for me, getting me excited about creating again, becoming active and activist again.
—
- ° Chris Lloyd
- ° 514 295-3048
- ° chris lloyd projects
from chris lloyd to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Feb 28, 2020, 11:43 PM subject Thirty-two
Dear Justin,
I had a couple new tattoos added to my right arm Wednesday night, a Flash from Karen of a tree branch with falling leaves that stretches up my tricep to my shoulder – hugging the lines of muscle just perfectly – and the worm on a hook that she drew for me as well, on the bottom of the side of my wrist. I get the “everything is fleeting” heart in a month.
Jess and I had a proper – or normal? – date last night, meeting at Le Serpent for dinner, then checking out Michael’s show at the Fonderie and the open studios, then metro back to her place for the night. My parents arrived tonight early enough to pick the kids up after school and will take them skiing early in the week. I’m working this weekend with James and as well at VOX for Nuit Blanche and then the de-install of Monique’s show begins on Monday – not a semaine de relache pour moi.
I’ve decided to introduce Jess to my folks and kids on Thursday. Judith says to follow my heart. She said that when she and Robert met they signed contracts stipulating they wouldn’t move in together for 6 months, but couldn’t stay apart and were together after a week, and looking for property together. Jess and I want to build a Tiny House in the country. What do you think? Too fast or just right?
—
- ° Chris Lloyd
- ° 514 295-3048
- ° chris lloyd projects
DEAR PM 