2021
from chris lloyd to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Dec 2, 2021, 10:59 AM subject 151 – 347 – 0212
Dear Justin,
I survived a whirlwind trip to Toronto, drove home yesterday hungover, hitting a wall of Montreal rush hour gridlock but still managing to get the kids to their swimming lesson on time, even early. Afterwards we had A&W before dropping Rose off at Oona’s, and Sol came back home with me, showing me some of his latest Minecraft tricks. The trip to Toronto was fun, we were staying with Jess’s friend Jamie using the Ramsay mattress that Jess uses at her studio, and which is now back in the car. She’ll crash on his couch for the remainder of her trip, she is taking the train back next Tuesday. I met some of her writer friends at a lovely dive bar on College called Ted’s autobody or something like that. It’s fun and invigorating to be around young creative types all publishing their first or second books, in their PHDs, but if also makes me feel my age, and mildly anxious about my overall lack of ambition. It feels like all my mental and physical and emotional energy is taken up by childcare, which means earning enough money to sustain my lifestyle and feed my family, and anything leftover goes to activism, which is mostly just the armchair variety, and Instagram and Twitter don’t cut it. I did just send some letters to executives of KKR, the nasty investment firm that owns 65% of the CGL pipeline you are excitedly promoting through Wet’suwet’en territory, using the RCMP like a military goon squad abusing land defenders. I listened to Skyler Williams describe his arrest and inhumane treatment on the Warrior Life podcast. If I thought it would change your mind, or at least inspire you to take action, I would suggest you listen to it, but I have a feeling you only hear what you want to hear. Maybe you really think you are doing the right thing with these pipelines, and by taking Indigenous kids to court, and ignoring boil water advisories, and shouting or tearfully whispering how sincerely sorry you are, but at the end of the day you’re either an idiot or evil. I’m really, really curious which one you are?
—
- ° Chris Lloyd
- ° 514 295-3048
- ° chris lloyd projects
from chris lloyd to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Dec 3, 2021, 10:17 PM subject 152 – 394 – 0312
Dear Justin,
Spent a lo-key day at home, mostly cooking and cleaning but mostly just checking out movie trailers and downloading some holiday films to watch with the kids this weekend. I had no idea a new Spider-Man movie is coming out. I haven’t seen Far from home yet. Thinking about Dune, but it looks complex. Haven’t seen David Lynch’s version yet. Did some cooking, making hummus and a baked cauliflower dish. The kids didn’t even end up watching a movie tonight, Sol preferred to play Minecraft and watch some Minecraft videos, Rose wanted to watch A Christmas Story with me but then changed her mind to Hunger Games and then ended up just watching Netflix by herself. Makes me feel a bit in-between things, like a little bit listless. Ended up watching The Big Short last night and now I’m upset because I’m reminded at how fucked up the world is. Is your strategy to just let CGL and TMX pipelines bulldoze ahead and then pay whatever reparations or fees or lawsuits are filed after the fact? Because clearly, according to UNDRIP, according to Canada’s own laws, those pipelines are illegal and trespassing. Why are you so horny for those pipelines to get built?
—
- ° Chris Lloyd
- ° 514 295-3048
- ° chris lloyd projects
from chris lloyd to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Dec 6, 2021, 10:16 PM subject 153 – 151 – 0612
Dear Justin,
Had a mostly chill weekend, stayed inside for most of it, watching movies and preparing food and snacks for the kids. Spent more time than usual on IG, trying to amplify stories about the home and territory invasion by the RCMP a few weeks ago. I know that posting stories and using lots of hashtags is not nearly the same as blocking a railroad, but what can I do? I’m so tempted to do something to the tracks near my house but I’m too chicken. Also I probably shouldn’t get arrested as it jeopardize my custody arrangement. Or would it? Why would it? I should bring the kids along with me. I should find a solidarity action and go, if it fits my schedule. If it isn’t the same day as Rose’s birthday party. Rose will be home from school tomorrow and Wednesday a classmate has Covid. Rose and Sol got their first vaccine dose on Sunday evening. She can help me finish getting our Xmas cards in the mail tomorrow. I went to hardware stores this morning looking for rough wood to make the bookshelves in the living room and the saw was out of order at Home Despot and there was no wood I liked at Villeneuve, and so I took it as a sign that I should not buy new wood when we can simply re-use the shelves the books are already on. Jess was worried it would look to out-of-place, as they are white and metal and everything else in that room is repurposed wood, but I think it can work. She’ll be back tomorrow night and I’m hoping to have made some progress on this transition. I put our Christmas tree up but we’ll wait to decorate it all together. I’ve been putting the kids to bed too late this week. I’m stressed already about money, that the EI payments won’t be enough to cover expenses and gifts this month. At least I have no debt, but it also means I have no credit, and I don’t want to dip into savings, even though it really doesn’t matter. I had a good session with Yaël this afternoon, talking mostly about my Ex and how, if ever, to have a final conversation with her. I’m reading On Freedom by Maggie Neilson, it’s really good, making some good connections for me regarding art and activism. Maybe I don’t need to be concerned about making art – I want justice, I want my country to decolonize and give Land Back, and art can’t make that happen. The depressing thing is that there are no legal avenues for making it happen, either.
—
- ° Chris Lloyd
- ° 514 295-3048
- ° chris lloyd projects
from chris lloyd to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Dec 7, 2021, 9:53 PM subject 154 – 361 – 0712
Dear Justin,
Rose had the day off school, as another classmate has contracted the Covid, it was caught during some rapid at-school tests, so they’ve closed her class for the next couple days at least. She arranged a playdate with a friend, and I drove her over in the middle of the afternoon but it was extended to a sleepover and they’ll hang out there tomorrow or at my Ex’s. Funny, don’t know what it is in the air but after that long talk with my therapist yesterday and then again I had a long talk with Jess about this final accounting meeting I want to have, but haven’t planned yet, and then tonight my Ex emailed asking about it. She was also cracking more jokes than usual – I should tell her we’re still not friends yet, and may never be. But that hurts to think it, let alone say it. I should write everything down first. I have some letters but haven’t really revised anything in almost 2 years. I should probably write more things down, things that could help with my will, as the will is not detailed when it comes to liquidating the actual stuff. Learn from Uncle Danny, no will, so most likely all his possessions will go to the dump. Not that I have much, but you know how things add up. At least I am not – or no longer – a hoarder. “The burden of ownership”, as Jess says. BTW I sold another painting at Tuck – which is great because Apple only withdrew the money for Rose’s iPad today, and not 2 weeks ago as I had thought. Anyway, Sol and I had a solo night, we played a short round of Mario Party (I won! – and more importantly, he had fun and no freakouts whatsoever) and he is back on the Minecraft wagon, so it was a late bedtime, and I am out the door to get Jess from the train station. The unexpected sleepover coming on the heels of the unexpected class closure means that Jess and I will still have the house to ourselves tomorrow morning to make all the noise we like – and we like to make noise! A week without sex is too long for us. How often do you and Sophie have sex?
—
- ° Chris Lloyd
- ° 514 295-3048
- ° chris lloyd projects
from chris lloyd to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Dec 8, 2021, 11:14 PM subject 155 – 347 – 0812
Dear Justin,
Helped Jess install her work at Atelier Galerie 2112 today, she is performing her knitted piece called Rag Bag, where she is knitting Ezra Pound’s Cantos, all 114 of them. She’s on 4. I tried in vain to make a base for the mannequin she was going to use to display the TS Eliot Wasteland piece, but it kept tipping over. In the end she just placed the torso on the floor. Looks spookier that way. In other news, I got a hot tip this morning through Signal about a solidarity action happening tomorrow morning, I asked the kids if they want to go but they don’t, so I’ll go and bring Sol to school late. Rose is still confined to the house, hopefully we’ll know more tomorrow about when her class will go back. If I’m not arrested or detained tomorrow then I’ll go build shelves for Amy in Lachine.
—
- ° Chris Lloyd
- ° 514 295-3048
- ° chris lloyd projects
from chris lloyd to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Dec 10, 2021, 12:13 AM subject 156 – 478 – 0912
Dear Justin,
The blockade didn’t happen. I met Michael at Square Victoria and we walked to the meeting point, where we found a group of people ready for the action, but eventually it was decided that we weren’t a large enough number to effectively block the highway. Also the person who was going to bring the banner didn’t show up. Also it was really cold, I had worn my parka. I had a quick visit at Michael’s studio instead and we went for coffee and bagel at le Cartet and discussed what assholes the police are. The I took the metro home, took Sol to school, and drove to Lachine to build shelves and install a new pocket door. Then it was back in traffic to get Sol, then Rose – who had virtual classes all day from home – then down to Gallery 2112 to catch a few minutes of Jess’s 6-hour knitting performance, then back home with the kids, supper, and then I took the metro the Cafée Parvis to meet Sorel and the Vox gang, leaving the kids to put themselves to bed. Jess joined us, we had some drinks and then took the metro home to find Rose still awake, giddy and delirious with exhaustion. She had been experimenting with mixing markers with shampoo. Why? Nobody knows.
—
- ° Chris Lloyd
- ° 514 295-3048
- ° chris lloyd projects
from chris lloyd to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Dec 14, 2021, 2:34 PM subject 157 – 416 – 1412
Dear Justin,
Sorry I didn’t write yesterday, or on the weekend. Quebec does not release Covid new case numbers on the weekend, so I don’t want to have that info missing in the subject heading. Rose’s party was a success! It was raining in the morning which sucked, as I needed to get a few supplies, and I had slept in, and then woke up Jessica late for her performance, so that was a bit anxiety-inducing for both of us, but it passed. I made the girls sushi and dumplings for lunch, and provided snacks, and the girls played Super Mario Party and Dance Dance and had a collective drawing party. My Ex brought a croustade des pommes and took Sol for the afternoon. Oona invited Rose for a sleepover, which fell a little outside the boundaries of Rose’s isolation – the party as well – but I let her go, the socialization outweighs the mitigated risk, in my mind. Sol and I watched Captain America Civil War as we wanted to see the introduction of the Tom Holland Spider-man into the MCU. We continued watching on Sunday and made it halfway through Far from home before Rose came home and we all went for a walk through Parc Laurier in a vain attempt to see if the address my mom mistakenly sent the kids’ Xmas gifts; she had inverted some numbers. There was no such address but the parcel had already been returned to her so she mailed it off again yesterday. Yesterday I dropped the kids off with their mom and I went to Vox to cut the custom size shelves for Amy, then went to install them, then collected Jessica and we went to pick up her work from the gallery, re-installed a couple of the cantos at the CEP, and I bought a Swatch watch for Sol for Xmas. We came home, Jess made a Korean cold noodle dish for supper, and we watched a terrible movie – Now you see me – followed by an excellent movie – Tic tic Boom – to overwrite the previous one. We were up until almost 4am. This morning I had a Zoom call with the Vox team and Clemens, the artist showing in March. I have a few more minor changes to make to the plans before the holiday break. For the rest of the week I want to work on organizing the apartment before we go to visit Jessica’s mom and her dad. Hope to be back in time for some local disruptive solidarity actions. It feels like Saturday today, we’re still in pyjamas.
—
- ° Chris Lloyd
- ° 514 295-3048
- ° chris lloyd projects
from chris lloyd to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Dec 15, 2021, 9:43 PM subject 158 – 844 – 1512
Dear Justin,
Wow, the Covid cases are jumping again. I took Rose for a test this afternoon, we were emailing all day, she wanted me to spend some solo time with her so she could get xmas presents for people. She hadn’t yet been re-tested – it is a requirement before she goes back to school for the last day of school before the break – so we went to the place on Parc, but there was a huge lineup outside. Apparently there was a lineup in the morning as well, and my Ex did not have time to wait with her. Anyway we waited outside for about an hour! But once inside the test was so efficient. She did the gargle test. We had just enough time for us to stop by a local artisan shop and she picked out earrings for her mom then I walked her home in the snow. Too bad the snow will turn to rain. Tomorrow Jess and I hit the road for Barrie. Looking forward to the Defund CGL week of action – I’m on some email lists now, there are digital toolkits circulating, it should be fun, and hopefully somewhat successful. You know, for the kids.
—
- ° Chris Lloyd
- ° 514 295-3048
- ° chris lloyd projects
from chris lloyd to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Dec 19, 2021, 9:18 PM subject 159 – 1237 – 1912
Dear Justin,
We just came back from a weekend visit at Scottie’s cottage in the Muskokas. Had a great sauna in his wood-fired sauna in the shed, and otherwise just had a relaxing weekend playing trivia and hanging out. We stayed in Barrie on Thursday, met Jess’s mom and had a nice visit there. In my supreme ignorance I had no idea that Barrie is on Georgian Bay. Very pretty waterfront. I may or may not have visited Barrie in the summer of 1990 when I took that weapons tech course at Camp Borden, in my reserve forces high school days. On the drive to Barrie I took part in a zoom call coordinating an RBC protest for Tuesday morning. Remember, tomorrow kicks off a week of solidarity actions with the Wet’swet’en. #shutdowncanada and #rbciskillingme
BTW the covid montreal numbers are from Friday, for some reason they are not counting them on the weekend, at least not on Datawrapper.
—
- ° Chris Lloyd
- ° 514 295-3048
- ° chris lloyd projects
from chris lloyd to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Dec 20, 2021, 10:16 PM subject 160 – 519 – 2012
Dear Justin,
Had a lovely relaxing Monday: slept in, had coffee in bed, sex, breakfast and then we discussed some of the upcoming shelf and wall apartment changes, then started on a walk to my old apartment to get a package my brother Aaron had mistakenly sent there, but then we drove as the wind was up. Stopped at a hardware store to get 1w LED bulbs to swap out the 5w incandescent ones in our little Christmas village display. We don’t want the snow to catch on fire. I picked up my Lufa Farms delivery and Jess made a great supper of panko fried eggplant. She also just made us Ramen as we were catching up on some Youtubers. And now the Defund Coastal Gaslink event I was going to go to tomorrow has been cancelled, as the Covid numbers are going through the roof. I was looking forward to it. Guess it’s back to armchair activism for now. #shutdowncanada
—
- ° Chris Lloyd
- ° 514 295-3048
- ° chris lloyd projects
from chris lloyd to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Dec 21, 2021, 8:48 PM subject 161 – 1656 – 2112
Dear Justin,
Holy shit! Have you seen these numbers? People are freaking out. New measures have come into effect in Montreal – bars, gyms and movie theatres are closed, restaurants to half capacity and shorter hours. And the malls? Ummm, well those things might get shut down too, after Christmas. Santa bows to no pandemic! I was supposed to get the kids tomorrow but my Ex called tonight to say that they had Milan over for supper and he had said he has a cold, they got nervous and he tested positive after a rapid test. She’s going to keep the kids for another 48 hours before testing them to see if they can come over. Fingers crossed! With the extra couple days I’ll get the shelves finished in the living room. I picked up some wood this afternoon, did a fairly big groceries at the Bulk Barn too. I’m nervously watching my bank account slowly drain. I’m hoping to not have to dip into savings to carry me into the new year, fingers crossed on that too. But more fingers crossing for the kids’ to be healthy and able to come over. I miss those little dickens!
—
- ° Chris Lloyd
- ° 514 295-3048
- ° chris lloyd projects
from chris lloyd to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Dec 22, 2021, 11:08 PM subject 162 – 1757 – 2212
Dear Justin,
Again holy shit! Number keep on climbing. Jess was researching the whole testing protocols and realized that tests are 98% false positive in the first 48 hours after potential exposure, so to be safe I asked my Ex to keep the kids through to Sunday. It sucks to not have them for Rose’s birthday, I can bring some gifts and cupcakes to her, maybe go for a walk, but we’ll make sure their tests are negative before they come over to stay. Isn’t it crazy how we keep trying to force the pandemic to fit our secular-not-secular holiday? Get together with your family, but well shut it all down on the 27th. Don’t shut it down now, it’s too late anyway. I took the time today to cut the shelving into shape, and give them a couple coats of paint. Might very well start the wall tomorrow, after my blood tests in the morning, and a possible RBC action. Looks like another one was just planned. Jess and I were watching super cheesy Xmas movies tonight. It’s a good counterweight to the Maggie Nelson book On Freedom. I’ve finished the first three songs – art, drugs and sex – and now on the final chapter, the future. Heavy, but enlightening, and oddly hopeful. She points to many writers engaged in the challenge of thinking of solutions to climate change, the idea of children, future generations, the idea even of a future, our motivations (or lack thereof) towards action.
—
- ° Chris Lloyd
- ° 514 295-3048
- ° chris lloyd projects
from chris lloyd to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Dec 23, 2021, 9:37 PM subject 163 – 3668 – 2312
Dear Justin,
Holy shitballs! The whole Datawrapper graph of the new covid cases in montreal has completely changed its’ shape to accommodate the numbers. Even if Omicron is less deadly, for kids and healthy folks anyway, it is still a bit scary to see these numbers. I went to have some blood taken for tests this morning, and the CIUSS was so efficient, hats off to all the staff working to keep things running smoothly. Jess and I have a few groceries to get, maybe that half-moon window for the new wall, maybe a bottle of whiskey to bring us through this peak in the pandemic. If governments really wanted to keep people safe why on earth is anyone still working? Why are stores still open? How does reducing recommended numbers for private gatherings help if malls and stores are still open? Oh right the economy, above all else. I’m feeling blessed that I am not working at the moment, on EI and able to scrape through with very little, but so many people rely on their daily jobs, jobs they may or may not hate. Going to watch the Grinch. Byeeeeeeee.
—
- ° Chris Lloyd
- ° 514 295-3048
- ° chris lloyd projects
from chris lloyd to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Dec 28, 2021, 11:56 PM subject 164 – 1835 – 2812
Dear Justin,
Now Xmas is done – the kids were negative, and came over Sunday morning to open gifts. It’s been a fun whirlwind of screens, video games, movies, and outdoor sliding ever since. I’ve finally finished watching Far from home, and am now backtracking through parts of the MCU catalogue, like the Avengers Eternity War, Iron Man 2, etc. Gearing up for someday seeing No way home. Watched another Murder She Wrote with Jess tonight, she’s been working at her studio during the day and coming home at night, when the kids go to bed. Off to bed myself now.
Get ‘er done thick! Jess dared me to sign off with that. But I made it up! I’m a real sicko. —
- ° Chris Lloyd
- ° 514 295-3048
- ° chris lloyd projects
from chris lloyd to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Dec 29, 2021, 11:56 PM subject 165 – 3826 – 2912
Hi Justin,
Jessica and I were just having a fascinating conversation about art and life and death. DEATH. I decided that next year, I will be including the running death toll of Canadians along with daily cases in my email headings.
Today was tiring, as always. I took the kids out, first to pick up a keyboard for Sol.s new PC, then somewhere else, then sledding. The hill was too icy and bumpy, left bruises on all our arms and sides. We.ll be sore tomorrow. Made a nice dinner, deep fried eggplant and mushrooms which the kids didn’t like for some reason. Jessica showed me a very strange and sensual video of Angela Lansbury. I want to get active.
Justin. The gods wait to delight in you. Love, Chirs.
PS Jessica wrote this on my lap.
—
- ° Chris Lloyd
- ° 514 295-3048
- ° chris lloyd projects
from chris lloyd to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Dec 30, 2021, 10:37 PM subject 166 – 4378 – 3012
Dear Justin,
Another day, another test of my patience – two kids, siblings, I find really hard to manage. They get lots of screen time in the morning but then they are like hot and cold or cats and dogs together, and though I don’t like it I can manage it – patience is my super-power – but it is really getting to Jessica. She’s going to spend the next few days at her studio. And now the kids are not going back to school until the 17th. I really am going to need EI payments, I won’t be able to work at all the week of the 10th. I don’t have enough to cover rent at the moment… fuck my extravagant lifestyle! We’re continuing our meandering ride through the MCU, going over Endgame today and re-watching Far from home. I must feel some comfort from superhero movies when I feel powerless in my own life. I mean, where are we going? Not with Covid, but with the future, the long future, the climate? What’s the long game? This is mostly a question I’m asking myself, I don’t really care what you think, you’ve shown your true colours. I second guess myself all the time and have no real power; what I do or don’t do doesn’t seem to have any impact on anything. Know what I mean? Also, Jess and I were talking about life and art and death the other day, she was wondering if anyone is still reading these? I said probably some 20 year-old PoliSci interns, and we got to wondering what would happen if suddenly everyone 30 and over just disappeared? Would the kids be ok?
—
- ° Chris Lloyd
- ° 514 295-3048
- ° chris lloyd projects
DEAR PM 