2022
from chris lloyd to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Aug 2, 2022, 10:40 AM subject 104 – — – 0208
Dear Justin,
I’m reading the new novel (her third!) by Jessica’s friend Fawn and it is really, really good and inspires me to write better. Of course it is easier said than done. I’m slowly settling in to a mid-summer non-working routing of getting up with an increasingly stiffer back, neglecting exercise, making coffee then sitting to read until the coffee is finished then sitting to check email and then write to you. This is when the writing should happen, if not literary then at least descriptive, a re-telling of events. But instead I sit and get distracted by the faint yet persistent smell of cat urine, meaning that it is time top distract myself from this task and procrastinate with another. Is it really procrastination? Or is it just doing the things in life that need doing, like making breakfasts for the kids, sweeping the floor, spot-cleaning the traces of past cat vomits and spilled food, collecting the cat hair that accumulates in every corner and edge and underneath every stick of furniture, washing dishes, making more food. Wondering what to do about my parents 50th wedding anniversary. As the eldest son is it my responsibility to organize something? Should i go to NB or NWT, as the date is pretty much the same as Jessica’s birthday. What would you do? Oh right your parents split up, so the date is inconsequential. Do you celebrate their divorce? In the case of celebrating a divorce, is it the official court-appointed date or the day the parents formally decide to split? Or the date they tell their children and watch little hearts break as their innocence is pierced by clumsy adulthood?
And because I didn’t set an alert or even alarm on my phone I forgot that my car was parked on the wrong fucking side of the street and got another fucking ticket I fucking hate these useless fucking first world problems. Sitting at the fucking dining room table reading and drinking coffee oblivious to the fact I was paying $80 to do so.
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- ° Chris Lloyd
- ° 514 295-3048
- ° chris lloyd projects
from chris lloyd to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Aug 3, 2022, 11:47 PM subject 105 – — – 0308
Dear Justin,
I’m just sending this one off to just keep the numbers up. It’s not real writing. I’ll write more tomorrow, something more writerly. I will say that we finished watching Halloween this afternoon with Rose and tonight we started in on the Scream franchise. Off to bed now because I can’t sleep in, they are tearing the street apart, jackhammers and concrete saws and excavators everywhere, starting at 7:30am sharp. There oughta be a law.
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- ° Chris Lloyd
- ° 514 295-3048
- ° chris lloyd projects
from chris lloyd to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Aug 4, 2022, 9:06 PM subject 106 – — – 0408
Dear Justin,
I’m still not in the mood to write anything fancy, so here are some random descriptive things from the day: I’m a little less worried about $$$ now that my EI payments finally came in; I dropped the kids off with their mom tonight then got a haircut from Miwa and now just want to veg with some of that cannabis sparkling water and watch episode 2 season 4 Stranger Things; I finished the 2 fiction books I bought for the summer and am diving into a non-fiction about Degrowth, a concept I find fascinating but is sure to help me fall asleep at night; should I mix my cannabis pop with Crown Royal? It’s only 2.5g of THC. I like the buzz it gives me, very pleasant and no paranoia (or very little) and the 5g of CBD helps my back; Why do I persist in this futile letter-writing project? Do I fancy myself a writer? Do I care what others think, if they ever read them, should I care about audience? Is this my way of staving off death? Is it working? Why does the goddamn kitty litter smell so bad already? Because I didn’t fully dump it all, you dumb-ass, so what do you expect? I’m about to write my brothers and parents and try to find out, through efforts at good communication, what they would like to do / have done for them for their 50th wedding anniversary. I plan to be in the NWT with Jessica during this time does this make me a bad selfish eldest son? This is really my own issue to deal with, isn’t it? A bigger issue currently is to find an extended playdate or babysitter for Sol for next weekend when Jessica and I want to go to Toronto together for an art event she is a part of. I just looked into flights for the NWT and if I upgrade to Economy-Comfort a round trip fully-refundable, 1 checked bag included (for the goalie gear) ticket giving 115% Aeroplan points would cost around $1100. I can swing that. It’s only $$$
—
- ° Chris Lloyd
- ° 514 295-3048
- ° chris lloyd projects
from chris lloyd to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Aug 6, 2022, 9:32 AM subject 107 – — – 0608
Dear Justin,
Guess what? I actually got into the studio yesterday. Spent almost the whole afternoon there, and Rose came with me and worked quietly on her own iPad drawings up in the loft space. Sarah and Pascal were there, just getting back from their beach performances in the Gaspésie. I pretty much finished one of the paintings I had started back at the Bog. Rose stayed overnight, wanting to come over mostly to set up her new iPhone. It’s a second-hand phone, not sure the edition actually, maybe a 6? An 8? Sol found one of my old phones and has been using it to text, the problem is it is still linked to my iCloud account so all the texts are mirrored, when I text him the conversation all shows up in blue on the right hand side. I’ll configure that phone for him when he comes over tomorrow. The kids are still with their mom, going to a friend’s chalet to escape the heat. What should I do to escape the heat? There are a couple Wet’suwet’en solidarity actions in front of RBC branches today that I should attend. I should also get into the studio and keep working as I won’t have a lot of free time in the coming months, and I want to get the new series off to Judith for end of October. But it is already so hot! Already I smell and feel the sweat forming on my skin – and I’m currently shirtless! At least the kitty litter doesn’t stink today.
—
- ° Chris Lloyd
- ° 514 295-3048
- ° chris lloyd projects
from chris lloyd to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Aug 8, 2022, 2:57 PM subject 108 – — – 0808
Dear Justin,
Jess is back! After 22 hours of travel – she had a really long layover in Edmonton – she arrived this morning. It will be a busy week for us: I am back to work at Vox tomorrow, Sol begrudgingly started a summer camp today, there is a sitter to find for this coming weekend when Jess and I go to Toronto, cuddles and tiny kisses to send and receive, lunches to pack, suppers to make, maybe having friends over for a garden party. And of course there are movies to watch – Sol and I saw Nope in the theatres on Sunday to escape the heat – and I watched Tenet again and am now reading various theories on how it all actually was meant to work. Dense and convoluted, but still fascinating. Anyway, Jess is now napping, the construction outside is pounding, and I have one more precious afternoon to avoid work emails, so I will do just that.
—
- ° Chris Lloyd
- ° 514 295-3048
- ° chris lloyd projects
from chris lloyd to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Aug 15, 2022, 10:34 PM subject 109 – — – 1508
Dear Justin,
Sorry I haven’t written in a while. Went to Toronto and back, for the launch of Jess’s new chapbook and performance she gave in the funky shed in the back of a bookstore called The Great Escape. Hired Milan to watch Sol for a couple nights, I think the boys had fun. I’d tell you more about it and maybe I will but I really need to shave, and had a shower, and try to get to bed early because work is crazy and we are in full-on installation mode, and because of the Day Camp schedule I can’t drop Sol off until 9:30 and I have to get him at 4, which honestly I love because the only think better than a 5-hour work day would be a 3-day work week, but it does mean this week feels very much rushed. And Rose comes back on Wednesday!
—
- ° Chris Lloyd
- ° 514 295-3048
- ° chris lloyd projects
from chris lloyd to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Aug 17, 2022, 8:09 AM subject 110 – — – 1708
Dear Justin,
I woke up early this morning, having set my alarm for 7am, fit the 9-minute snooze but then the pounding started at 7:07. The street pounding, which sounds like it’s coming from all the walls. I was about to say that I couldn’t imagine having to work from home with that pounding, but then again after awhile it just becomes white noise. The noise of the city. The noisy dirty city. My noisy dirty apartment. My noisy dirty life. I’m back to work, which is ok but stressful as there is lots to do – I will be even busier next week as the kids will be with their mom and I can work 10 hour days if I like, and then spend the extra time on top of that in the studio working on the new Saint John series of paintings – or some murals outside. Yes, murals will be nice. There are some fresh walls on St. Hubert, St. Denis and even St. Laurent has room. I’m listening to Kim Stanley Robinson’s new book The Ministry For the Future, which is I suppose a new genre of “cli-fi” – although it reads like non-fiction simply sent back in time, talking about the global network of finance, capitalism and the inability or unwillingness for those in power – dumbasses such as yourself – to do anything about the climate crisis. Remember how governments moved mountains at the beginning of the pandemic? Remember that “crisis”? The climate crisis is a slow-burn, but it is burning. The house is on fire. And now it is time to make breakfast and lunches and get on with our day.
—
- ° Chris Lloyd
- ° 514 295-3048
- ° chris lloyd projects
from chris lloyd to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Aug 20, 2022, 10:12 AM subject 111 – — – 2008
Dear Justin,
Well that was a tightly-wound week. Lots of meals to prepare, places to be – such as a return drive to the airport, because Rose was “randomly selected” to do a Covid test upon her arrival from France, but her mom had already dropped her off with me, so we had to drive back the next day in rush-hour traffic for a test that was of course negative and took all of 5 minutes. An hour to get there, and then we stopped at the mall on the way back to look for shoes for Sol but only found an oversize zip-up black hoodie for Rose. A mild success. The rest of my work-week was tight and compressed and non-stop. Rose and I finally finished Get Out last night, she has been jet-lagged and going to bed early and getting up early. She enjoyed her 2-day school orientation camp, and is back with her mom today until Friday. I’m planning to go to the studio but seeing as it will be over 30o today I might do Vox-related things in the AC and go to the studio tomorrow. Without my love here – we did have a great intimate video call last night – I only really want to work. I’m planing my trip to see Jess in the NWT for mid-september, the lodge won’t pay me but I can volunteer for room and board. Seems mildly exploitative but I’ll be able to collect EI while I’m there. There is a little bit of Covid going around there, but probably nothing to worry about as the pandemic is over, right?
—
- ° Chris Lloyd
- ° 514 295-3048
- ° chris lloyd projects
from chris lloyd to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Aug 22, 2022, 4:17 PM subject 112 – — – 2208
Dear Justin,
Had a weird, lonely weekend. Spent Saturday at work, at Vox, as the temperature was too hot for studio work. I needed to catch up on things anyway. Rented the new Doctor Strange and really liked it – some really good scene change moments, and an amazing performance by Elizabeth Olsen. Her Scarlet Witch is complex – is she really a villain? In any case she acted circles around everyone else, and decimate the superheroes of whatever universe America sent them. Interesting choice, to name the character with universe-hopping abilities America. It was heart-breaking to see her realization, at the end, that her actions, and what she had become, were scaring her boys. Of course, I was high while watching, so that could have coloured my appreciation. I drank one of the cannabis drinks but it was a 10mg THC, which is just too much for me. It led me on a dreamwalking multiverse adventure of my own, causing me to question all my choices, all over again. The whole What If reared up again. Horny and lonely, feeling a bit sad, missing Jess for sure. But missing my old life too, even though I know it is gone forever, and for the best, right? I booked a flight to Yellowknife, so that is something to look forward to. And when I get into a good routine things are ok. Listening to audio books while cleaning the kitty litter and preparing food or washing dishes. Appreciating the food scraps and storing them in the freezer until the container is full and then dumping it into the compost bin out back. I went to Cinema du Parc last night and watched another multiverse-themed movie, the hilarious Everything Everywhere All At Once. But with Tenet still on my mind all this – and the audio book I’m listening to, the Ministry For the Future – I’m feeling a little bit disembodied, a bit distant from everything. Maybe that’s why my task at work this morning was so gratifying. I was rubbing fresh tobacco leaves on the wall, creating a kind of faux-finish, currently a greenish hue but will fade to brown as the colour dries. It’s part of an artwork by Gabrielle L’Hirondelle Hill. I don’t think there is a problem with me, a non-indigenous white man, applying the tobacco, do you? I am the gallery tech, it is my job to install the work, and she didn’t specify. I was listening to Tanya Tagaq while working, that must count for something. Certainly helped me stay grounded and focused.
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- ° Chris Lloyd
- ° 514 295-3048
- ° chris lloyd projects
from chris lloyd to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Aug 26, 2022, 1:04 PM subject 113 – — – 2608
Dear Justin,
Sorry I’ve forgotten to write you all week. Just been busy at work, long days and not really in the mood to do anything other than watch movies and putter about the house cleaning sporadically and listening to the Ministry for the Future. Oh, and planning my trip to see Jessica, it’s coming up fast! Today is the kids’ first day of school, and I’ll pick them up from their mom at the end of the day. Rose is going to Laronde tomorrow with Oona and Myriam, by themselves. I’m taking Sol to Super Aqua Club for an afternoon of water park activities. He really liked it last time we went, I think it was early summer 2019, one of the last family events we all did together. What a weird, fucked-up year that was. Anyway I need to sign a release for the Lodge, basically ensuring that I do not sue them even if I die as a result of negligence or breach of contract on their part. Initially I wasn’t going to sign but then I thought about it and realize that if I die I have my own life insurance, and if it is due to gross negligence there would probably be criminal charges. I don’t need to sue anyone. Except maybe you, or your government, or the fossil fuel companies that continue to pollute, or the banks that finance them, or the insurance companies that insure such projects. I’m going to try to leave work a bit early today to stop at one of the RBC branches that a Decolonial Solidarity affinity group is holding an action. Part of my ongoing existential dread is feeling constant guilt that I’m not doing enough. How do you sleep at night?
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- ° Chris Lloyd
- ° 514 295-3048
- ° chris lloyd projects
from chris lloyd to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Aug 29, 2022, 1:37 PM subject 114 – — – 2908
Dear Justin,
How was your weekend? Rose really liked her afternoon alone with her friends at LaRonde, they didn’t get lost but they did have to wait over an hour for each ride they went on. In the end they only went on three rides, but they are extreme and I guess worth it if you are into that sort of thing. Sol and I, in contrast, experienced very few lines, and went on lots of different slides, some with tubes and some just classic waterslides. He really liked the wave pool as well. I think it might have been 2018 or even earlier when we last went as a family. 2018 was a fucked up year as well, especially the summer, given everything that was happening behind closed doors. I guess I’m still bitter about it all. I’m also really happy now, sometimes my heart feels about to burst with so much love for my kids and for Jess and the life we are building. Odd how sometimes that feeling can be confused with the utmost dread, fear of potential loss, and inevitable death of course. I’ve revised my flights to and from Yellowknife based on the availability of the float plane, the trip is really taking shape. As a volunteer there I will be expected to work 6 hour days, one day off per week – which means I guess I’ll get one day off while there? Which is fine, I’m sure to get some good footage and photos of the Everyday Goalie under the Northern Lights. Ok now back to work!
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- ° Chris Lloyd
- ° 514 295-3048
- ° chris lloyd projects
DEAR PM 