2023
from chris lloyd to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Jan 3, 2023, 10:10 PM subject 001 – 0301
Dear Justin,
Happy New Year. I am still alive. I survived the drive to and from NB. We arrived back in the city tonight just past 5pm. It’s always easier coming back, as we gain an hour instead of losing one on the way there. In any case, it’s getting both easier and more taxing, this
long drive. I’ll tell you more about vacation, maybe, tomorrow morning before getting back to work. Right now I need to close my eyes and keep them closed for a while.
—
- ° Chris Lloyd
- ° 514 295-3048
- ° Dear PM
from chris lloyd to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Jan 4, 2023, 10:32 PM subject 002 – 0401
Dear Justin,
Not much to report today. Took Rose to a cool Manga lounge / bookstore / library / café today, they had $5 unlimited reading in a cozy
reading room. Dropped Sol off at Boris’ so I could go to Vox and meet with Myles and make a plan for the coming work. We have to build that vestibule, I gave myself a nice little shock whilst poking my fingers around the light switches. The Butcher strikes again! But only strikes himself. Tried to book an electrician to do the job but everybody is
off until the 9th. I’ll be bringing Sol to work tomorrow with me but
in the morning we are going to Multiplayer on Stardew Valley, he’ll
invite me to do chores on his farm. I just went through a whole online thing about trying to redeem VBucks for Fortnite without realizing we already had an Epic Games account created with the Switch. We had been trying to redeem the points through my Epic Games account which I only created to redeem the points in the first place. My frustration levels
are high today but I am taking it all in stride. After all, I am not
facing down the RCMP at Fairy Creek or on the Yintah, or getting shot
or beat to death by the SPVM on Christmas Day, or any number of other atrocities my country is committing. I’ll do what I can do, but one
person cannot do it, nor should they. So I’ll keep growing and joining communities, organizing and pushing for the right things to happen.
You can halt the CGL pipeline, you know they do not have the right to
be drilling under the Wedzin’kwa. You can honour the Memorandum of Understanding your ministers signed in 2020. You could do those
things, but you choose not to, and this is what keeps me up and haunts my dreams and fuels my rage.
—
- ° Chris Lloyd
- ° 514 295-3048
- ° Dear PM
from chris lloyd to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Jan 5, 2023, 9:23 PM subject 003 – 0501
Dear Justin,
By the time you read this email, Canada’s richest CEOs have already made more money in 2023 than the average worker’s salary for the entire year. Happy New Year! Had an almost full day back at work. Brought Sol with me but he didn’t just play video games all day, we played a lot of Ping Pong, or as we called it Ping-never-ending-pong,
or All Day Pong, as we would rally and just bounce the ball off anything and everything. Makes the game a bit more interesting. When I wasn’t playing with Sol I was helping Myles bring up the materials and start assembling the doorframe and walls for the new vestibule we are adding to the salle projection. We’re behind schedule, but the kids
went to their mom’s tonight so I will be working long hours until next Friday. It’s amazing to me that I am not hard up for cash so far this
year. I even managed to save $1000 towards my TFSA over the course of the year. And a NY Resolution is for me to say no to more small contracts and spend the time in the studio. And also on activism. And
I should really send some money to Gidimt’en checkpoint in solidarity with Wet’suwet’en land defenders. And The Tiny House Warriors. These pipelines are not going to stop themselves! Although they do tend to break by themselves an awful lot, don’t they?
—
- ° Chris Lloyd
- ° 514 295-3048
- ° Dear PM
from chris lloyd to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Jan 6, 2023, 9:23 PM subject 004 – 0601
Dear Justin,
Happy anniversary of the Capitol Riots, or Insurrection, or whatever
it is called. Will we be likewise celebrating the anniversary of the
Convoy when it comes around? Had a somewhat full, somewhat productive day at work. Myles has built most of the walls and ceiling for the
vestibule, we’ll assemble the doorframe tomorrow and maybe even try to hang the door – it weighs almost 200lbs. Maybe we’ll get the drywall
up first. Ordered vegan pizza for supper tonight, but Jess has already
gone to bed, she’s been feeling really bad lately. I thought it was
just related to the kids being here, but it’s not that. Chronic
illnesses are not only very hard to treat, they are hard to pin down
or define or anticipate. Sol and I just played another day of Stardew
Valley, he is on an Ancient Fruit apocalypse, as he calls it. I think
I’ll go to bed early and try to finish the book I borrowed from
Judith, Between the World and Me, by Ta-Nehisi Coates. Did I tell you
I managed to finish Rehearsals for Living? Everyday is a rehearsal for living. How to live a meaningful life. How would you define a
meaningful life?
—
- ° Chris Lloyd
- ° 514 295-3048
- ° Dear PM
from chris lloyd to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Jan 7, 2023, 11:03 PM subject 005 – 0701
Dear Justin,
Another day, another fistful of dollars. Started the day playing some remote SDV with Sol, then went to Vox for the day. We’re just getting the drywall up in the vestibule, it is slower going than I had hoped
and planned. We were short a tech this past week, which would explain why I feel we are so far behind. I did manage to move the electrical switches and thermostats without electrocuting myself. I couldn’t find the breaker panel for the lighting track or the emergency light. Now I am worried about the soundproofing, and whether or not I should buy some expanding spray foam insulation to fill some gaps and cracks. I am also worried about how well we can plaster the joints as we are re-using drywall sheets that have been used in previous builds. I’m worried that the triangular sloping platform will crack when I crawl
up on it to remove the plastic protecting the photo, I am worried that
the projector hang is too complicated, I am worried we won’t have time to install the 4 speakers in that space, I am worried about hanging
that second projector in the main space, I am worried about hooking up and running the 5.1 surround sound video for the other space,
installing the cable for the light box, just cleaning everything up, getting the lighting under control, it’s a lot. Through it all,
despite or because of the holiday break, I wonder why we never seem to modulate our work or school behaviour in the middle of winter. Hibernate a little. Wouldn’t it be nice to sleep longer, spend more
time cozy at home reading? Capitalism responds with a zoom-zoom, no way not today not any day. Work work work.
—
- ° Chris Lloyd
- ° 514 295-3048
- ° Dear PM
from chris lloyd to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Jan 8, 2023, 10:25 PM subject 006 – 0801
Dear Justin,
Happy Sunday. Steam wasn’t updating properly so I couldn’t play with Sol in the morning. Went to work for the day, Myles and I have finished the drywall and started the taping of the joints in the new vestibule. I’m going to ask Mo to price this particular job because honestly I feel a little bit like we are being played. Like it is
somehow expected that we can do electrical, construction and finish carpentry, and hanging 200lb doors, and soundproofing this space, and painting it all and if this was to be contracted out to RBQ
entrepreneurs I’m sure it would be costing a minimum 10 grand. And here we are, making 21 and 25 bucks per hour. And if well-funded arts orgs like Vox need to nickel and dime, why is that? Why does the SPVM overspend their budget by $50-fucking million and then get rewarded by getting a $60-fucking million increase? Is there a not-so-secret competition between Montreal and Toronto to see who will spend a Billion fucking dollars on useless harmful cops in a year? Valerie and John can go fuck themselves in a pool of rancid diarrhoea. Oh, and my landlord called today to discuss the freezing pipes and also the fact
that our rent is going up $15/month. I don’t mind – I’m a white man living in extreme privilege at the rent we currently pay – but he blames the mayor and all the tax increases. The assessed value of our building jumped by over $200K this year. What does Ms. Plante think all the well-intentioned landlords will do to offset their tax
increases? Maybe with rent increases? And how will folks pay for those rent increases, now that the Westons and the supermarket monopolies have free reign to jack food prices up? As a stop-gap to wild runaway capitalism UBI might be a good tactic, but honestly I think you’re too much of a neoliberal limp sack of rabbit turds to seriously consider
it.
—
- ° Chris Lloyd
- ° 514 295-3048
- ° Dear PM
from chris lloyd to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Jan 9, 2023, 11:06 PM subject 007 – 0901
Dear Justin,
Had a somewhat gruelling 12-hour day at Vox, feeling very much behind the 8-ball (or is that a runaway train?). Other techs calling in sick – thankfully Myles is still in good form. Heading in early again tomorrow, and since Sol is back in school we can’t do a morning session of SDV together, which feels a durn shame.
Sent with positive vibes from my super-duper hand-held computing device.
from chris lloyd to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Jan 10, 2023, 10:56 PM subject 008 – 1001
Dear Justin,
Didn’t have as much a long day today, went in for 8 and left at 5:30 – quite reasonable, considering all that still needs to get done. Those cables aren’t going to fish themselves! I had to get home for a Defund the Police sub-committee I joined, discussing a campaign to de-criminalize drug possession. Also I did have a new tech come in to help today, to replace both Rixt (out with Covid) and Katherine (out with a cold). Weird, the Pandemic is over yet there are more people sick and hospitals are full, and ER wait times are beyond belief. Is this what happens when life goes back to “normal”? Of course it does. This is exactly how Capitalism works.
—
- ° Chris Lloyd
- ° 514 295-3048
- ° Dear PM
from chris lloyd to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Jan 11, 2023, 9:52 PM subject 009 – 1101
Dear Justin,
Had another crazy long day at work, started with egg on my face. Showed the electrician the outlets that were not working and he showed me that the breakers were off. In all the stress of the install I had
inverted the breakers in my brain, and had been turning them off
thinking I was turning them on. Yet another stupid mistake! But he was able to put back on the exit sign (this time up to code) and switched
out the 30-amp twist lock 240v outlet for two 20amp circuits on one regular plug. So now the table saw shouldn’t trip the breaker every
time we cut a tough piece of wood. The rest of the day was spent in
tech hell, trying to get transmitters to work with mac minis, recoding videos from .MOV to .MPG and then wondering where the red line at the bottom of the image is coming from, is this on the Brightsign player
or from the conversion software? All this troubleshooting takes time
and is not terribly rewarding. Two days left, plenty of time for a
miracle.
—
- ° Chris Lloyd
- ° 514 295-3048
- ° Dear PM
from chris lloyd to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Jan 13, 2023, 11:20 PM subject 010 – 1301
Dear Justin,
Haven’t had an install go so hard to the deadline, maybe the Friday
the 13th has something to do with it. I worked 13hrs yesterday, all
day today excepting taking Rose to and from her neuropsych appointment, then getting home for 7 since my Ex was dropping Sol off to me, and I still have to go in tomorrow for 8am or so to do a final cleanup and move gear and equipment like the scissor lift, and make sure all the media is running properly, run audio cables still for a
work that we’ve moved a computer to sit right above the projector because all our damned HDMI transmitters or receivers or both are crapping out on us, not to mention the difficulties with the cube TV. Anyway I smell bad and need a shower. And WTF is up with the $70-billion F35 fighter jet for planes you said back in 2015 you would never buy? And all the armoured vehicles sold to Saudia Arabia, and now $400-million for surface to air missiles systems to Ukraine and all this on top of the $20-BILLION to Nato? Where do you get this war-mongering (or war-profiteering) impulse from?
—
- ° Chris Lloyd
- ° 514 295-3048
- ° Dear PM
from chris lloyd to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Jan 15, 2023, 9:38 PM subject 011 – 1501
Dear Justin,
Today felt like a real weekend. Sol had a couple friends come over, we went sliding, then they played some video games inside. He and I played some multiplayer Stardew Valley in the morning, I sent Rose to the store for some ingredients to make waffles and supper, It felt relaxing and homey. Heck, I’m still in my soft pants, I’ve been
wearing them all day. Yesterday morning I went to work for 3 hours to hook up some sound, paint a bit of trim, install some soundproofing around the doorjambs, clean up a bit, make caches for the projectors. Still more to do tomorrow, but I also have a meeting scheduled for the Biosphere about Juan’s light boxes and first first thing a meeting
with the director of Rose’s school about pulling her from the advanced program. And tonight we had family movie, again Spider-man into the Spider-verse but I had to duck out early for a Decolonial Solidarity affinity group check-in Zoom call.
—
- ° Chris Lloyd
- ° 514 295-3048
- ° Dear PM
from chris lloyd to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Jan 17, 2023, 10:40 AM subject 012 – 170
Dear Justin,
Poor old Marvin was put to pasture last night. Beyond the pasture into the Big Sleep. Apparently he had deteriorated a lot in the past couple months, possibly liver or arthritis but in the end he had been hiding under my Ex’s bed, probably waiting to die. I was quite upset buy it all. I wonder if it is because my Ex and I got him together sometime shortly after Sol was born – I can’t remember how old he was, maybe a year old? I suppose I could check my letters, this was probably back in the time of your predecessor. . . Oh wait now, it was 2016 that we got Marvin. I told you a bit about it in this letter dated Feb 29,
2016, 1:58 PM: Dear Justin,
I am still alive. I survived the weekend alone with the kids, which
included taking them both swimming on Saturday and Sunday, and as well I survived Nuit Blanche and karaoke at Skol, and as well I survived
the Oscars So White last night, which I missed completely because who really cares about that stuff? We survived Eliot’s visit with us, he
was a wonderful guest. We also now have a cat, a 4-year old fairly
large black cat named Marvin (though for the past three days Sol has
been calling him Knowly – go figure). Marvin stays hidden somewhere in the basement during the days and we only see him during bed switchups
in the middle of the night. He’s a bit meowly then but not so bad. I
also survived a night out with Iliana on Thursday, starting at Le Ritz
and ending at strange little Greek bar in Park Ex where they permit smoking indoors! I survived Clo in Boston for three days at a
conference, hence my weekend with the kids, which was fun but a tad tiring: they don’t let me sleep in on the weekends and I didn’t want
them watching any videos before 9am. On Friday I wandered around the house like an aimless unemployed person listening to podcasts and stumbled on one on Radiolab about a couple who made a video game about their infant son who developed numerous brain tumors. The game is
called That Dragon, Cancer and there is a documentary about the making of it called Thank You for Playing. So I was basically bawling my eyes
out as I wandered between the house and trying to unstick my car from
the ice, eventually giving up and calling CAA to haul me out so I
could go pick up Marvin. Made me see an aspect of gaming in a whole
new light, as dealing with death, and the death of an infant, is some hard-core emotional shit. And my art? Pretending to be a goalie? Pretending to be a politician? Maybe I’m pretending to be an artist, too. Today I’m finally moving some crap into the studio I’m renting, and I’m going to Graff to prep a screen for the Tuck series. Still procrastinating on Dear PM, the tour, the book, the grant applications, and still procrastinating on the bronze. I just want to get high and go dancing all night long.
Soooo . . . back to 2023. A whole different era back then! I was already slipping deeper and deeper into the depression that would last until late 2018. But now I still feel haunted by my Ex, all the interactions we’ve been having lately about Rose and school and Marvin, well, she continues to show up in my dreams all the time. Maybe I need to see another shrink to talk through this, or finally
plan to talk with her about what happened at the very end. What would you do? Forget I asked, you can’t be trusted. You promised electoral reform, you promised real action on climate change (then bought a pipeline!), you said you’d stop selling weapons and since have become a huge arms dealer, you said you wouldn’t buy F-35s and now you’ve committed to buying even more than Harper. You’re a real dickhead.
RIP Marvin the cat 2012? – 2023
—
- ° Chris Lloyd
- ° 514 295-3048
- ° Dear PM
from chris lloyd to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Jan 18, 2023, 10:18 PM subject 013 – 1801
Dear Justin,
Solved some technical issues we were having with the show today, mostly around formatting of video and playback through media players, but it was grueling and time-consuming and put me into a bad mood. I met up with one of the organizers of Decolonial Solidarity and we had
a really good chat about the RBC campaign and activism and organizing. I should be researching some RBC stuff now, or planning the next Everyday Goalie No Logo event, but I think I’m going to chill and play some Stardew Valley before bed.
—
- ° Chris Lloyd
- ° 514 295-3048
- ° Dear PM
from chris lloyd to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Jan 19, 2023, 10:46 PM subject 014 – 1901
Dear Justin,
Had another day that put me in a grumpy mood. Drove Sol to school, stopped at Home Despot on the way back home to get some of the little clasps for wiring those books, then walked with Rose to her neurology appointment, then walked to the metro to work, then worked for 2 hours and then took the metro back to meet Rose, we walked to a restaurant for lunch, then she walked to school and I took the metro back to
work, then there were all manner of technical glitches and then finally I was out of there at 4:30 to take the metro up to get Sol,
then we took the metro back home. Then I made supper, some stewed spinach and cabbage with sticky rice and sautéed tofu. And I decided not to attend the opening at Vox tonight, as I need to go in early in the morning and finish a floorplan for Juan’s travelling show in Rivière du Loup, then Jess and I hit the road for her dad’s cottage
for the weekend.
—
- ° Chris Lloyd
- ° 514 295-3048
- ° Dear PM
from chris lloyd to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Jan 28, 2023, 11:22 PM subject 015 – 2801
Dear Justin,
Don’t worry, I am still alive. Sorry about the lack of news, Jess and
I went on a little tour in Ontario to visit her dad and her friends
Jamie in TO and Alex in London. We travelled with that crazy snowstorm on Thursday, spending almost 14 hours in the car. Good thing we like
one another! I’ve got the kids this weekend, we’re trying to stay
active and engaged, and have fun, despite all the terrible bad news
all around. No wonder the youth of today are so angry and depressed.
—
- ° Chris Lloyd
- ° 514 295-3048
- ° Dear PM
from chris lloyd to pm@pm.gc.ca
date Jan 30, 2023, 9:20 PM subject 016 – 3001
Dear Justin,
Went to Vox this morning expecting to putter around and clean up the ateliers but there were minor crises, Juan’s giraffe has sprung a leak
and the show is still up at the Biosphere for 1 more week, but we only have a few days to try to take it apart, find the hole and patch it,
before it goes off to Trois-Rivières. I did manage to get into the
studio for an hour or so this afternoon, started a commissioned piece, but mostly spoke on the phone with my Ex and Rose’s psychologist. We think Rose is having a hard time dealing with the emotions of being
13, in high school, in a world run by dipshits such as yourself, who offer very little hope for a livable planet. Now excuse me as I try to relax for a half hour after making supper and then cleaning the kitchen, putting kids to bed, and feeling guilty for playing Stardew Valley instead of reading Degrowth or strategy briefs for organizing against RBC and the CGL pipeline. The daily grind is working.
—
- ° Chris Lloyd
- ° 514 295-3048
- ° Dear PM
DEAR PM 