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From : chris lloyd <chrislloyd5676@hotmail.com>
To : jean chretien <pm@pm.gc.ca>
Subject : Landry thrills PQ by promising charity-like tax breaks forsovereignty group» Leadership hopefuls appear at convention of Liberal Party’s Quebec wing» Funding overhaul key to fixing ‘appalling’ native health: Romanow
Date : Sat, 30 Nov 2002 23:59:23 -0400
Dear Mr. Chrétien,
It felt nice to sleep in this morning. Made a packed veggie omelette with bagels and bananas for breakfast, then we tucked into the boxes again. Packed all day long. Just past five Karina and I walked down Gottingen Street to get the U-Haul. There appeared to be a long wait when we arrived, so I continued walking to Rentown to return the DVD player before six o’clock. They had charged Karina an unexplained amount to her Visa, which I was going to argue about but the manager wasn’t in and I wouldn’t have accomplished anything by yelling at the minimum wage clerk, who just wanted to close the shop and go party or something. I saw Karina driving a massive U-Haul while walking back down Quinpool. I ran beside her and caught up with her at a stoplight. There were no 16-foot trucks available so she got a 27-foot. It is huge. She was having trouble making the corners but with practice she improved. We drove back downtown and picked Rebecca up from the NSCAD library. Continued packing and loading the truck into the evening. Ordered pizza from Salvatorés and ate in the truck after we had moved all our furniture out there. There is a lot of room inside. We’ll finish off in the morning. The cats are freaked out by the lack of stuff in the apartment but enjoy the access to the carpeted hallway closets, which had previously been off-limits and inaccessible. Patched and re-painted more holes. A few more boxes to load and a bit more cleanup and we’ll be all done at 5676 Macara. Next stop: 1333 Dresden Row. I probably won’t be able to write again until Monday, after we get the cable hooked up at the new place.
-chris
From : chris lloyd <chrislloyd5676@hotmail.com>
To : jean chretien <pm@pm.gc.ca>
Subject : Ottawa must ratify Kyoto and avoid anti-West discrimination,Martin says» Former B.C. premier Harcourt in serious condition after tumble down cliff» Lawyer for accused serial killer wants media, public banned from hearing
Date : Tue, 03 Dec 2002 03:03:05 -0400
Dear Mr. Chrétien,
What a day. What a weekend. I can’t believe the move went as smoothly as it did. Of course Bev and Jackson weren’t quite prepared when we showed up Sunday morning with our truck, but it wasn’t a painful transition at all. It was a funny sight, the two 27-foot trucks back-to-back on Dresden Row. We had everything moved inside by suppertime. Andrew, Rebecca, Courtney and Karina and I ate at the Granite Brewery.
By Sunday evening some chinks were appearing in the aura surrounding the new apartment, but it is mostly around Lyndon’s control over the colours of paint in the apartment, which drives Karina to distraction. It also is colder in the apartment than we had thought it would be. Overall I like the new place.
Hardly slept a wink last night. A combination of strange surroundings, brighter streetlights and Karina’s coughing fits‹at least once every fifteen minutes. Later in the morning it was the cats meowing at who knows what. I did manage to sleep enough to awake with a vivid recollection of a highly erotic dream about Sally and I. Not really erotic, more emotive, powerful, and quite full of passion. I don’t quite no what to make of it, but it had an impact.
Karina and I were up really early, made some breakfast and walked downtown, her to school and me to work. The halls were painted over the weekend, hooray. Elinor’s drawings in the hallway look great. The members’ show was hung and looked good and there were no crisis notes. Spent most of the day planning tying up loose ends before the opening this evening and continued work on the Inter-Arts grant. What hell that proved to be! Without Jacob and
Heather it would have never been finished on time. I can’t believe they put so much into it. Even with the many extra hours they put in I only just put it in the mail. I was unforgivingly curt and short with people during the members’ show opening. The timing of events this week is just really poor, too many deadlines looming and events overlapping.
Outside of a nice, impromptu buffet lunch (takeout from the Med) with Michael Fernandes and the rest of the daily Khyber Kids I haven’t really eaten today, so I’m going to make a snack and surf the web and then get to bed.
-chris
From : chris lloyd <chrislloyd5676@hotmail.com>
To : jean chretien <pm@pm.gc.ca>
Subject : Alliance leader says he fears confiscation of guns is next stepfor registry» Ralph still having fun after 10 years as Alta. premier, not going anywhere» Liberal MPs call for heads in gun registry scandal, cast doubt on newfunding
Date : Thu, 05 Dec 2002 00:16:12 -0400
Dear Mr. Chrétien,
I had to take the morning off and catch up on some sleep. It probably didn’t help that I stayed at the Club late after the board meeting drinking beer. The board meeting itself was quick and painless. I was supposed to introduce the artists for the presentation in the Club but they started without me, while the Club was empty. They were on a tight schedule and couldn’t wait. The Garry Neill Kennedy printed matter exhibition opened at five; the class filled the turret with great posters and books. I helped a bit with the
lighting.
Karina was up and on her way to school early this morning. It was so cold in our room she was distraught and in tears. She had only come home at 5:30am. She couldn’t sleep because of the cold and her coughing kept waking me up. I felt ill and tired and sluggish today. Still haven’t even cleaned up my desk. Am way behind on bookkeeping and banking and the information I’m supposed to be compiling for the lease negotiations. Had to order in a replacement remote control for the projector as it was needed for the setup at the DuMaurier. The city sent over one of their handymen to fix a few items on their list and someone came by to look at the leaky pipe in the Turret. Finished some ad stuff and continued working on compiling the information for the selection committee. Andréa came in to help as well.
Had a meeting at eyelevelgallery in the evening to discuss dates and potential panels for a symposium about censorship and the arts to be held in March, 2003. It was a quick meeting as there was also an Arts Atlantic open forum. I went back to work on the selection committee material.
Walked home. It still surprises me how fast that is. Changed my pants and shoes (it is really, really cold out) and then walked to Sobeys and bought some groceries. Made some soup when I got home.
Have to get up early tomorrow and finish the selection committee packages, which are now a full week behind schedule.
-chris
From : chris lloyd <chrislloyd5676@hotmail.com>
To : jean chretien <pm@pm.gc.ca>
Subject : Embarrassed Liberals backtrack on $72-million request for gunregistry» Justice minister wants tougher laws against child porn, sexual abuse of teens» Families, advocates defend gun registry as massacre anniversary looms
Date : Fri, 06 Dec 2002 00:54:14 -0400
Dear Mr. Chrétien,
Spent the night on the couch. No, Karina and I weren’t quarrelling, but she
is still coughing. It was nice and warm in the living room, I only needed
one blanket. My alarm clock didn’t go off and I was late for work. Made an
asparagus and spinach omelette for breakfast.
Called about booking a hot tub for our housewarming party in a little over 2
weeks. Turns out most have been booked for months in advance. This is a busy
time of year for hot-tub parties. There was one place that had one but we
would have to rent it for a full week, and we just can’t afford that. In
fact, looking at our finances we can’t afford much at all. I want to have a
house-warming party anyhow.
Spent most of the afternoon assembling the proposals for review tomorrow. At
7pm I went to NSCAD for the Women’s Collective panel discussion that Karina
was on. The panel ended up feeling more like a committee meeting than a
potentially contentious issue. Easier on everyone’s nerves this way. Missed
the Sobey Art Awards but Heather and Aaron went. Brian Jungen won the
$50,000 prize, with David Hoffos getting the runner-up.
Went back to work on the proposals for awhile, had a beer in the Club with
Sarah, then came home. I have a lot to read through and tomorrow will be a
full, brain-crunching day. Tomorrow night is also the follow-up awards party
at ray’s place. I have to remember to either a.) not drink so much or b.)
remember to drink lots of water before going to bed.
-chris
From : chris lloyd <chrislloyd5676@hotmail.com>
To : jean chretien <pm@pm.gc.ca>
Subject : Judge rules preliminary hearing for accused serial killer will remain open» Support for gun laws marks anniversary of 1989 Montreal massacre» Health Minister Anne McLellan promises collaboration on health-care reform
Date : Sat, 07 Dec 2002 03:02:46 -0400
Dear Mr. Chrétien,
Slept on the couch again last night. Read over most of the proposals for the
selection meeting today. Woke up early, made breakfast for myself and
Karina, then walked to work with Rebecca. Gathered the slide screen and TV
monitor together in my office and prepared for the selection meeting.
We met from 10am until 8pm, with a little over an hour break for lunch.
There were over 65 applications to review and it was difficult to come to
consensus, but I think we chose four strong shows.
Talked to my mom briefly. She is going to help me get a sewing machine for
Karina for Christmas.
Stayed in the Club for a bit afterwards and drank some beer. Had to stay and
watch over the punk show as Janna had backed out a couple days ago. I didn’t
stay until the end, as Andréa and I went to the Pita Pit and then caught a
cab to Ray and Sarah’s house. There were quite a few of the regulars at the
party. Iended up staying later than I would have liked, but at least I
didn’t drink too much. The first cab we called filled up before I got in so
I stayed longer. Spencer and I eventually called another.
Everyone has gone to bed and I think Karina was mad that I was staying out
all night. I am bitterly mad at the provincial government for denying the
Mass Appeal grant. I need to get to sleep as tomorrow morning I have to get
paint from Pierceys and then prepare for the Members’ Meeting and Pot Luck
and then the Anthology Dance and the wrap party after that. Another full
day.
-chris
From : chris lloyd <chrislloyd5676@hotmail.com>
To : jean chretien <pm@pm.gc.ca>
Subject : Innu and Ottawa agree to move 50 families from Davis Inlet to newhomes» Kyoto vote declared matter of confidence, Liberals expected to toe the line» Federal Liberals hope for breakthrough in Quebec byelections Monday
Date : Sun, 08 Dec 2002 22:56:02 -0400
Dear Mr. Chrétien,
It has been quite the weekend. Saturday was a hectic and zany day. The members’ meeting was a bit of a disaster. What little organising skills I do happen to possess certainly left me yesterday. I made an abrupt decision to change the location of the meeting from the Turret to the Club, which caused general confusion and made it even more difficult to accomplish anything. Plus there were a group of loud men moving all the furniture around in the Club in preparation for a private office Xmas party, which made it impossible for anybody to hear properly and concentrate. Overall I’m feeling tired, worn out and depressed. All I want is some downtime to clean my desk off and catch up on the bookkeeping.
The private party was a bizarre aberration for a usual evening in the Club, but it did serve an important function: Later in the evening, the scheduled band Blackout 77 had to stop early due to numerous broken strings on a guitar. The crowd left and bar sales for the evening plummeted. It’s hard to weigh the pros and cons of the situation: a private party that brings in decent revenue and maybe introduces new people to the arts centre is a good thing; however, having patrons projectile-vomiting on the sidewalk outside at 7pm and grabbing the bartenders’ asses for two hours straight and playing horrible Classic Rock music is not. Definitely not. Someone wryly mentioned to me that the situation made an excellent example of the value of a university education. But hey, if call centres means more jobs, and more jobs means more dazed consumers, then bring it on, eh?
I went home for a nap in the early evening and missed the private party excitement. I walked back downtown (it still surprises me how little time that takes now), and attended the MAPS dance presentation. Suzanne Miller presented three solo dances, but I really only liked the first one and an element or two from the others.
Went back to the Turret for the Live Art wrap party and celebration of 21 years of presenting contemporary dance to Nova Scotians. Sally had put up archived posters all over the walls. I hadn’t realized that eyelvelgallery had such a big dance focus in the late 80s-early 90s. Kojo was playing and had the room on its feet dancing, as usual. Talked with the producers and techs for the show and ended up getting really high with them and feeling completely useless and uncoordinated for the rest of the night. Didn’t quite feel like dancing, felt uncomfortable watching the dancing, so I hung out with Craig at the bar and talked his ear off. Watched the door for Dusty while he retrieved more kegs from downstairs. By the night’s end I was still wired and ended up going with the old-school dance crew to Paul’s hotel room. Someone brought beer and we smoked more dope. Had some very intriguing yet incomprehensible conversations about art/performance with Allain and yammered on about Saint John to someone else. I find it quite interesting how there seemed to be more connections between the visual artists and the dance/performance artists in Halifax in the mid-eighties. I’m sure I proposed it as a thesis topic on more than one occasion throughout the evening. I have mercifully forgotten most other embarrassing details. Stayed out fairly late; Diane drove me home just as my perception of the evening was slipping into its own time-zone. Karina was still up when I got home and I think I described the evening in real-time until we passed out.
Woke up early this morning and walked downtown with Courtney and Rebecca, who were painting the eyelevel windows in preparation for the Holiday Toast. Let the painters into the Club. Craig and Dusty had moved all the furniture to the middle of the room. I puttered around the building doing some odd fixing-up, repair jobs, a bit of cleanup. Called Karina and met her at the Med for breakfast, but I wasn’t that hungry and picked at my food. I was waiting for Sally to come help clean up the Turret but May and her friends came early to start setting up and rehearsing for her play on Tuesday, so most of the cleanup was done by the time Sally arrived. She and Jenine and I swept and mopped the floor and then went for lunchSˇat the Med. Had a nice chat, relaxing and comfortable.
Back to the Khyber to lock up after the painters and big Craig was there, we talked about the improvements. The painters had run out of paint and are coming early tomorrow morning to finish. The Club has returned to the red walls, ad everyone who has seen them so far seems to agree it is a good thing. I can’t tell; my head is currently too saturated to take in and process new information. I think I need a break from that place.
Made soup tonight, had a five-minute nap and watched The Jerk with Mohanad. I think I might take a bath and try and relax my head before bedtime. Maybe unpack a box or two.
-chris
From : chris lloyd <chrislloyd5676@hotmail.com>
To : jean chretien <pm@pm.gc.ca>
Subject : Commons votes for Kyoto ratification; critics demand detailedplan» Census shows jump in Canadians with a mother tongue other than English, French» Bilingualism up in Canada, but number of francophones down – census 2001
Date : Wed, 11 Dec 2002 01:16:09 -0400
Dear Mr. Chrétien,
Sorry I didn’t write last night. I was at the Club late and Karina was on the computer when I got home. I had helped putting the Club back together after the painting and Craig had left Steve strict instructions that I not leave sober. Karina was in rough shape when I got home. Her research papers are taking a toll on her.
Was up early this morning, painted the Frame gallery space before Elizabeth came by with her deep-fried GAP shirt. It is great piece, and looks good nailed into the frame space with the Gap tissue paper jutting out from behind it. I still need to replace a couple of the halogen lights as Craig bough the wrong size yesterday.
The Club has been getting very good comments since it has been painted. We even found use for the K-19 display cabinet that has been kicking around for over a year. It is now a wall/art display space. It just needs some lights and somebody’s art.
It was a bit of a crazy afternoon trying to catch up on everything. My desk is almost cleared off but my computer is still turned around backwards from the selection meeting. The selection packages are still strewn this way and that. I did manage to catch up on the banking though.
Becka Barker gave an artists’ talk in the Club tonight. May’s performance was just afterwards. I think she has been living in the Turret space for the past few days as she seems to be around the building more than me. She was there at 8:30 this morning when I arrived. It seemed like lost of people came for her performance, which was turning into quite a production.
Karina came by this afternoon from a doctor’s office. The strain of trying to complete her papers has almost led her to a nervous breakdown. She was advised to take a temporary incomplete on her courses and finish the papers over the next few weeks. She is pushing herself way too hard.
Met with Sally and a woman named Katherine who is managing a youth art project called Terminus 1525. We went to the Bitter End and drank some Garrison Stout, which is a favourite meal replacement of mine. We talked of different groups and projects that might suite a Halifax producer. The projects sound interesting, it is similar in some respects to Zed but I like the approach a little better. There appear to be some nice opportunities to focus on billboard and ‘zine projects, and it sounds like the regional producers will have more control over their pieces, unlike at Zed. I enjoyed the time spent tonight, but mostly because it was with Sally. I haven’t been able to stop thinking of her. I feel a certain connection to her, but it is a very tricky situation to articulate. I have certainly been thinking about human emotions a lot lately, an how screwed up they can be. I wonder if the weirdness of the holiday season has something to do with it.
I’ve got to get some sleep. I have been feeling fatigued lately. There is still so much to do this week in preparation for the Holiday Toast. My back is incredibly tense.
-chris
From : chris lloyd <chrislloyd5676@hotmail.com>
To : jean chretien <pm@pm.gc.ca>
Subject : Social wing of Hezbollah raised money for terrorism, saysSolicitor General» Ottawa pledges to spend more on relocating Innu of Davis Inlet» Quebeccabinet minister pays $9,100 of her own money to commission poll Date : Wed, 11 Dec 2002 22:54:53 -0400
Dear Mr. Chrétien,
Couldn’t get out of bed right away this morning, I hit the snooze button half a dozen times, then Karina yelled at me for letting her sleep in, as she was late for work. We walked hurriedly downtown and I finally managed to clear up the office a bit. I noticed with equal measures of disgust and glee
that Elizabeth’s deep-fried shirt has been oozing and leaving a golden yellow puddle at the bottom of the frame. I wonder how bad it will get by the Holiday Toast.
Had a long talk with Ingrid today about the CAE workshops and ferry incident. She is gathering research for a censorship class she is teaching in January. Interestingly enough, Tania came by the office today and we went out for lunch (breakfast, really)Sˇat the Med. We talked mostly about our emotional states and relationships and less about the political stuff. It became a fairly revealing discussion, aside from the ridiculous Sci Fi premise I brought up about an ordered numbering of everyone’s one true love.. I’m really battling with my emotions right now, trying to define feelings and worried I’m mis-reading myself.
Andréa was at work this afternoon and we alternated between Khyber Kids planning and discussing the Holiday Toast. I went to Live Art to go over some invoices with Sally from the Anthology series and we talked about her and Val’s video/performance piece for the Holiday Toast and it was agreed that she needn’t do anything, as it has been so vaguely planned thus far. There are also logistical problems with the projector. We may just find a way to video Santa and project that somewhere in the building.
Karina came by and tested the Polaroid camera at eyelevelgallery for the Portraits with Santa, to make sure the lens was decent. I talked with Helen about her hallway mural; she has only 3 days left to complete it and still lots and lots of text to add, not to mention all the photos. It is always right down to the wire with us.
Karina and I walked down to the Nova Scotia Centre for Craft and Design and booked a sewing matching for the next few weeks, so she can make gifts. I think she found out through Trevor that I already made plans with my mom to get her a sewing machine for Christmas. We cabbed home, then walked to Canadian Tire. I put up posters for the Toast on the way. Adam had come in earlier and took half the posters, which I started to see as we neared Quinpool.
We stopped for a bite to eat at Wendy’s, of all places. I was already descending into a bad mood because I was hungry, and we had waited longer than I expected while picking up the sewing machine‹but that “restaurant” really threw me into a foul mood. I can’t express just how much I have come to loathe those types of places, with the harsh lighting, awful music, horribly-pointless decor, vacuous customers and above all, plain food. Then we went to Canadian Tire and I picked up lights and cleaning supplies for the Khyber. Then we went to the Superstore to get some groceries. We ran into Lisa who commented how I looked either way overtired or really sick, and then commented on the “Stupor-store”, to which I had to admit that I had caught myself falling into more than one stupor while roaming the isles. We took a cab home, cleaned the kitchen a bit, wandered aimlessly some more. I am going through some major mood swings! I blame most of it on the holidays. I am such a Grinch.
-chris
From : chris lloyd <chrislloyd5676@hotmail.com>
To : jean chretien <pm@pm.gc.ca>
Subject : Pot penalties out of whack, MPs say in recommending fines forsmall amounts» McDonough endures final question periods as federal NDP leader» Hezbollahreacts angrily to Canada’s decision to label it a terrorist group
Date : Fri, 13 Dec 2002 01:56:39 -0400
Dear Mr. Chrétien,
I don’t think I have time to write tonight. It is already late and we have
half-unpacked boxes all over the house. Came home around six-thirty to have
supper. I think this is the earliest I have been home since we moved into
the new apartment. It has been less than 2 weeks and I think it has already
contributed to a general feeling of apprehension and tension amongst all of
us. I had a big venting session with Spencer todayS…at the Med. Ran into
Geordie Mott, who I haven’t seen in years. He has been off galavanting
around the globe. And d’uh! I didn’t realize until later in the evening that
he and Erin, who has been working at the Khyber Club as a bartender the past
few months, have been dating. Sometimes I feel so clueless.
I don’t feel comfortable or rooted at the new apartment yet, and I keep
questioning what exactly I’m doing, with everything. I feel torn in too many
directions. I called Sally at work today, just to say hi. What am I doing?
So tonight after supper we started putting pictures up, moving furniture a
bit, trying to settle. Smoked a joint and then the arranging got really
interesting. Putting the work up became more like a crit. We called Rebecca
in from the computer and Courtney joined in when he got home. He also turned
on his robotic chicken for us and gave us each a gumball. Somewhere in all
the arranging we took Karina’s Glad plaster sculptures and stacked them on
the mantle in the living room. We arranged the in many different ways, it
turned into quite the debate. It was actually quite fun‹the first time the
group of us had spent any time together here. It seemed to take a bit of the
pressure off.
The Holiday Toast seems to be falling into place. Richard Vaughan called
from Toronto to write something about it for the Globe. We have spent more
than we have in previous years and am worried we may actually make less
money than in the past. It does seem to be coming together OK; lots of
people are helping out. I’ve got my fingers crossed.
-chris
From : chris lloyd <chrislloyd5676@hotmail.com>
To : jean chretien <pm@pm.gc.ca>
Subject : <no subject>
Date : Sun, 15 Dec 2002 18:27:37 -0400
Dear Mr. Chrétien,
I am in trouble now. I think I might have betrayed myself in my feelings
for S…
yeah, the obligatory dot dot dot to mask what I am truly feeling.
It has almost felt like a breakthrough. If it has, there is so much more
work to be done tonight.
I’m scared.
-chris
From : chris lloyd <chrislloyd5676@hotmail.com>
To : jean chretien <pm@pm.gc.ca>
Subject : Prime Minister Jean Chretien formally signs Kyoto ratification» Chretien says he won’t leave early despite calls from five MPs» Sask.government asks RCMP to investigate native leader’s pro-Hitler remarks
Date : Tue, 17 Dec 2002 00:53:47 -0400
Dear Mr. Chrétien,
Not much sleep last night. Karina and I talked until 4am. Had a bit of a
scene this morning when we awoke. Things are not going well. Managed to get
a lot done at work today, but my head was quite distracted. Took the gear
back to Buckleys, the Santa costume back, packed up the Holiday decorations
and cleaned up my office, opened all the mail that had been collected, paid
some bills, the usual office crap. Sent a few emails to Sally. Made the
final tallies and we did lose money on the fundraiser. Went for coffee with
Spencer at C’est ci Bon, talked about stress and work. Met Karina for lunch
later in the day at Blowers Street Paper Chase but we didn’t talk much. Met
Sarah after work and we went to the Bitter End and she bought me lots of
beers and we talked and talked about the absurdity of love. She offered some
good advice and it was good to talk about the warped feelings I am having
right now. Came home and talked to Karina about our relationship and
depression. She thinks I should definitely see a shrink. And go on
medication.
-chris
From : chris lloyd <chrislloyd5676@hotmail.com>
To : jean chretien <pm@pm.gc.ca>
Subject : Saskatchewan Indian leader offers emotional apology for racistremarks» Wheat Board ready to fight trade complaint to WTO over Canadian wheat» Sponsorship contracts opened to more competition after patronage charges
Date : Tue, 17 Dec 2002 23:11:40 -0400
Dear Mr. Chrétien,
Karina and I had an unexpected and unusually amorous evening last night. Our emotions are all over the place; I don’t know if we are coming or going. Went to work this morning for 10am. Didn’t really get a lot accomplished; it is hard to focus this close to Christmas. Tania came by and we went for an early lunch/late breakfast at the Med, though she didn’t eat. We talked about her experiences as she goes through the adult diversion process. She has had to be officially arrested, fingerprinted, had mugshots taken and gave a statement to the police. Her court date is set for June of 2004. She is handling it well, all things considered. Rebecca stopped by work and we talked about the fact that our whole house is cracking up. She started crying. We are all so friggin’ emotional. A few hours later Sally called and asked if I wanted to go to lunch with her and Diane. I could have eaten five minutes beforehand and of course I would still go. We went to Soho Kitchen and talked about the evolution of contemporary dance in Halifax, its connections to the visual art community, current funding and nightmare budgets. We could have talked about boring and exhaustive studies of fruit flies and I would have been happy. Went back to work and tried to get the next show invitation completed. Worked a bit on the plans for the show in Saint John. Was having printer problems by the end of the day and left in frustration. My list of things to do is outpacing the things I am doing.
Went home to grab some food and then waited for a bus in the frigid cold‹the temperature had been dropping steadily throughout the day. Went to the North End Clinic to get an appointment for a physical and maybe a recommendation for a shrink, but the place was unexpectedly closed. Didn’t know what to do with myself. Called Sally from a payphone and left a message. Walked down to the Khyber and drank scotch and beer. Watched a pirate screening of Robert Frank’s Cocksucker Blues to an empty house. Didn’t stay for the end, was feeling too tipsy. Walked out on my tab; I am too broke at the moment to pay it.
Mohanad had ordered a big feed of sushi which had arrived at home just before I did, which was good. Karina had rented National Lampoon’s European Vacation. I left 3/4 the way through. The attempt at escapism isn’t sitting well with me. It is like we are trying our best to maintain some sort of semblance of normalcy. It sickens me. I was hoping to get some work done on the apartment tonight but it looks like it isn’t going to happen. I’m going to design some redundant invitations to our housewarming party, which I have taken to referring as the “crackup party”.
-chris
From : chris lloyd <chrislloyd5676@hotmail.com>
To : jean chretien <pm@pm.gc.ca>
Subject : Friends, political foes mourn death of former governor generalRay Hnatyshyn» Manley hints health cash coming soon, but not the $5 billion provinces want» New Alberta report emphasizes aim to expand private health care: critics
Date : Thu, 19 Dec 2002 00:13:48 -0400
Dear Mr. Chrétien,
Was up late again talking with Karina; I was in a bad mood to begin with and it didn’t get better. She was going to see if we could see the counsellor together today but it turned out she had to go alone first. We have a joint meeting set for mid-January. I guess we’ll try to lay low for the rest of the holidays.
Sarah came by work early this morning and because I was in the middle of bank deposits we went for breakfast at the Danube on Spring Garden Road. She wanted to celebrate getting the job at the eyelevel. She will be resigning from the Khyber board as a result.
I’ve been in a bit of a miserly mood today. Grumpy and not at all productive. I just want a nice long break.
Went grocery shopping with Karina tonight and made supper when we got home. I was not very talkative. She said that the counsellor said that we should not try to force discussion at this point, as it may cause more tension and stress.
Worked on the here newspaper sponsorship ad on the computer tonight. Decided to embrace a bit of escapism tonight and watched Zoolander. Didn’t find it as funny as the first time, but I didn’t have to think too much for a couple hours.
Am going to read for a bit and then go to bed.
The kitchen stinks; I don’t think it is the right place for the kitty litter. It has been so cold lately we haven’t cracked a window.
-chris
From : chris lloyd <chrislloyd5676@hotmail.com>
To : jean chretien <pm@pm.gc.ca>
Subject : Prospect of war with Iraq is “very real”: Deputy Prime MinisterJohn Manley» Battered by leadership wars, Chretien tries to get back to governing country» Corrections report says inmate bbq at Saskatoon psych jail poorlysupervised
Date : Fri, 20 Dec 2002 01:13:20 -0400
Dear Mr. Chrétien,
Was in a bad mood all day. Feel claustrophobic. Premier Hamm shuffled his
deck of cards today, but Rodney was left in charge of Toursim and Culture.
He was even offered a new post: Minister of “wellness”. How Orwellian is
that? Went for a beer at the Granite Brewery with Mohanad after work. He was
asking questions about how Karina and I are doing that I don’t really feel
comfortable talking about. I booked an appointment to talk to a doctor at
the North End Clinic on Christmas Eve. My grandfather stopped by briefly
this evening with a box of decorations which we haven’t put up yet. Took a
cab to the North End Church to meet Karina before a Zuppa Circus play.
Karina said the performance undid everything she had accomplished with her
doctor a few days ago. The plays were about fate and unlucky people. I think
it put me in a worse mood. I haven’t seen or heard from Sally in two days. I
have to try not to confuse the two issues, but I can’t put her out of my
mind, even with the understanding that I’m on a path to unhappiness. Needed
to get out of the house tonight so I walked to Sobeys to buy kitty litter.
Wandered the aisles aimlessly, hating the vast array of choice. Hating
Christmas. Came home and read for a bit, calmed down a bit, then watched a
bit of the Chris Farley show. Ahhh, sweet escapism, empty laughter.
-chris
From : chris lloyd <chrislloyd5676@hotmail.com>
To : jean chretien <pm@pm.gc.ca>
Subject : Ottawa commits $1.7 billion to resolve native residential school claims» Mario Dumont’s ADQ changes Quebec political debate for 2003 election» Liberal officials warn Chretien timing wrong for corporate donation ban
Date : Sat, 21 Dec 2002 02:53:31 -0400
Dear Mr. Chrétien,
What a day. I’m still drunk. This morning I was going to go with Mohanad to Dartmouth to pick up the truck he was going to buy, but it didn’t happen. It was going to cost more that he had thought it would. Waited at the house for my grandparents to show up. We all went for lunch at the Fireside. I find that whenever I get together with my relatives we hardly ever talk about anything important. It’s all fluff. Their memories are interesting, though.
Worked with Spencer this afternoon, trying to get him ready for the big takeover, there is lots more to do and we’ll hook up tomorrow and Monday to go over more procedures, etc. Kerry came by and we folded and stuffed envelopes for the latest Khyber Kids mailout. Saw Sally briefly, but she was busy working on a ad and we didn’t get a chance to talk. I don’t think she has any idea how I really feel for her. This will become a disaster, I just know it.
Stayed at the Club after work with Spencer and Karina and drank a lot. Even Karina got looped. We walked home and I went down to the basement to see how much stuff Jackson and Sam moved out today. they had cleared out almost half of the room full of stuff under the kitchen. Then I lost my mind, and started chucking the remainder of their basement possessions into that room.. I broke things and smashed glass and then moved on to our own stuff and smashed pictures and paintings and the tables and chairs that had been left on the deck. I cleared house. Mohanad came to calm me down and we went to Rogues Roost for beer and we talked about how fucked up I have been. Then we went to the Khyber for more beer. Listened to Seth and the Spokks. On the way home I smashed up a couple parking garage poles. I am feeling very destructive. Started painting the big room in the basement until now; I am too tired to continue and need to get some sleep.
Tomorrow is our housewarming party. it will be an interesting event, I’m sure.
-chris
From : chris lloyd <chrislloyd5676@hotmail.com>
To : jean chretien <pm@pm.gc.ca>
Subject : Friends, colleagues and public pay respects as Hnatyshyn’s bodylies in state» Time Magazine names Paul Martin Canada’s Newsmaker of the Year» Canadian gunowners prepare for civil disobedience over registration
Date : Sun, 22 Dec 2002 23:11:13 -0400
Dear Mr. Chrétien,
It was tense here at the house yesterday afternoon. Jackson had come by to clear out more of their stuff and was quite upset at the state of the room; all the stuff I had hurled in there haphazardly had smashed the lightbulb out and apparently Barb’s “favourite mirror” (the one with the duplicate Guess Who stickers on it) was broken. I kept vacillating between feeling justifiably angry that we are still dealing with their stuff and completely guilty at taking my anger out on their things. Of course, I smashed up a bunch of my own things in the process, but I don’t know if that makes it any better.
Ran a few errands for the Khyber in the afternoon and then got down to cleaning and organizing the house in preparation for the party. Out of the blue came news that Mohanad had bought a minivan at an auction for $750. He drove Karina and I to the Superstore and Sobeys in search of party treats. I made a vegan eggnog and some guacomole.
No-one showed up at our party until past ten; Steve and Ted were amongst the first, then some of the usual suspects, Sarah and Spencer, David, then friends of Courtney, the two Andrews, and of course everyone congregated in the kitchen, as that was the only room in the house we were going to smoke in. I was drinking lots of the “no nog” and then switched to beer, but I never really got to feeling that drunk. We stayed up until past three, giving tours of the house and basement, listening to music and talking. Sally never showed up. Maybe she has caught on that I have deeper feelings for her and is now avoiding me. Who knows. All I know is that I feel caught between a rock and a hard place and I am still thinking of her a lot.
This morning the household went to Smitty’s for breakfast. Everyone was in a lazy mood today but I set to work priming the rest of the studio room in the basement. Courtney helped. I went to the Khyber and picked up some plywood I had been saving. Andrew had stopped by for a visit and helped me cut the plywood up into small squares for McChristmas presents. I plan to make small Jean Chrétien drawings and collages for gifts this year. I continued to work on the studio, putting a whole coat of paint on the walls and then painted the floorboards. It will need a second coat which I will put on tomorrow, after work. I am meeting Spencer tomorrow morning to continue some training..
-chris
From : chris lloyd <chrislloyd5676@hotmail.com>
To : jean chretien <pm@pm.gc.ca>
Subject : <no subject>
Date : Tue, 24 Dec 2002 01:05:26 -0400
Dear Mr. Chrétien,
Had a modest day at work. Met Spencer near noon and we went for lunch at the Med. Continued with our training, going over memberships, scheduling and finishing up the ads for Arts Atlantic and the Flying Cow.
Walked to the studio and picked up my newspaper clippings for source material for Xmas gifts. Walked back home afterwards. Checked my email; Sally had written in response to my query about the party. She is definitely weirded out ,by my behaviour; we are going to talk about it. Probably won’t have time until after Christmas. I’m worried about exactly what to say.
Put a coat of clear finish on the floor in the studio. Made some soup for supper.
Worked on small Jean Chrétien drawings most of the evening. They are good practice. I think they look sharp; pencil drawings on plywood, nice lines, a bit of colour on the shirts and ties. Some Letraset and captions and voila! Hope they are appreciated as gifts. Drank some beer while drawing. Felt a bit like a troll, hanging out in the basement.
Went to Shoppers Drug Mart and called Sarah on a payphone to talk about my love life. Rebecca was on the phone at home most of the evening.
I had thought we were going to go see Lord of the Rings, The Two Towers tonight but some of my family haven’t seen the first movie, so it has been postponed until Thursday. Gave me more time to work on the Xmas gifts. Karina was working on gifts as well but she was having technical difficulties, plus she was tired.
Plan to finish more gifts tomorrow, after seeing a counsellor at the North end Clinic first thing.
-chris
From : chris lloyd <chrislloyd5676@hotmail.com>
To : jean chretien <pm@pm.gc.ca>
Subject : Thunder stolen from Boxing Day sales by price slashing in earlyDecember» After a year of triumph and tragedy, the Canadian Forces face uncertainty» Groups differ over law to curb sale of toxic products sniffed to get high
Date : Thu, 26 Dec 2002 23:14:45 -0400
Dear Mr. Chrétien,
Happy Boxing Day. Just got home this evening. A bunch of us went to see The Two Towers tonight. It was alright; I didn’t feel it deserved the gushing praise Mark Palermo heaped upon it. Karina and I spent the past couple days at Trevor and Tamara’s house, along with their friend heather, my folks, brother Aaron and Tamara’s mom and younger sister, and the two dogs and two cats. We stayed overnight Christmas day because of the snowstorm. (funny, though-the snowstorm was still raging tonight but it didn’t seem to keep people away from the movie theatres). There were slight moments of stir craziness, all of us cooped up in a house in the ‘burbs, but the house is comfortable and there was good food and we all played card games and Trivial Pursuit and drank, so it was fun. The gift exchange was quick and painless. Karina really liked her sewing machine.
Christmas Eve I woke up and caught a bus to the North End Clinic to talk to a nurse about my anxiety and depression and relationship problems and workaholism. It wasn’t very fruitful. She told me to read “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus”. Hopefully the joint meeting with Karina at the Dal Counselling services will be a little more productive. Spent the rest of Christmas Eve working on drawings and cards. Went to the Khyber for a few hours late in the evening to scan the drawings and make a booklet.
We are planning to go to Lunenburg tomorrow to visit with my grandparents for a couple days. Hopefully it will be somewhat relaxing and not too much a test of my patience. Am fighting the urge to go into work. There is much to be done, both at the Khyber but also on the Saint John exhibition. Am looking forward to talking to Sally on Monday. It seems like so far away from now, the weekend is looming ahead of me.
-chris
From : chris lloyd <chrislloyd5676@hotmail.com>
To : jean chretien <pm@pm.gc.ca>
Subject : Jean Chretien chosen Canadian newsmaker for 2002 in CanadianPress survey» Increase in Canadian refugee claimants seeking refuge from U.S.» Twochildren die in house fire after being left alone in Trois-Rivieres, Que.
Date : Sun, 29 Dec 2002 23:02:06 -0400
Dear Mr. Chrétien,
We were up and on the road fairly early this morning, before my grandparents went to church. We stopped at my Aunt Vicki’s house in Mahone Bay and talked about home renovations. Dozed for most of the remaining drive home.
Mohanad had indeed put the trap door in the floor, as we found when we got home. It works well. It still needs a short ladder or steep set of steps to help facilitate entry and egress to the basement, but at least we no longer have to go outside and around the house to get to the basement.
Was restless this afternoon. Read a bit from Culture Jam, poked around at this and that, had some tea. Decided I wanted to see the Canadian Junior Team play Germany so Courtney, Mohanad and Karina and I went to Your Father’s Moustache for supper. It was 1-0 for Germany when we arrived but we watched as the Canadian team made a gallant comeback with four unanswered goals. The fish I ordered was soggy and the chips were coated in edible varnish. The beer was OK. Spent the game poking fun at hockey and hockey players while simultaneously expressing admiration for the skill involved.
Came home expecting to watch Annie Hall, but Rebecca had called an emergency Drawing Club meeting so we sat around the living room and drew on envelopes with Sarah, Larrisa, Rebecca, Courtney and even Karina. A decision had been made to draw an individual drawing on each and every envelope, rather than run them through a printer. It was fun, but tiring, and I didn’t get a chance to watch the movie and I can’t decide if I should just go to bed (am planning to get up for work tomorrow) or watch it anyway. I have always wanted to see it and just never got around to it.
-chris
From : chris lloyd <chrislloyd5676@hotmail.com>
To : jean chretien <pm@pm.gc.ca>
Subject : Gun registration, bans on smoking and cellphones part of new lawsin 2003» Missing-persons DNA data bank could help solve crimes, ID human remains» Doctors fight closure of unique oral surgery clinic at Toronto hospital
Date : Tue, 31 Dec 2002 00:36:26 -0400
Dear Mr. Chrétien,
It is freezing cold in our kitchen right now. It has been a complete chiller of a day today. My office was almost unbearably cold all day. I did manage to get some work done, which was good. At some point over the past few days Lucas was in and moved all the computer equipment back into the media centre.
I did receive official notice that I did not get a Canada Council grant, so now it is on to Plan B: another application to the ‘new’ NSACPC. I need to shoot some new slides of the newer plywood pieces, maybe try to make a larger, more fleshed out version before going to Saint John.
Met with Sally after work to discuss the situation between us. We went to Gingers Tavern and talked over beers. I can’t tell if I caved in, gave up, took the easy road or somehow came up with a kernel of truth that I can live with. I was nervous, but only briefly. It was nice talking with her and I think what I am learning is that regardless of what happens between Karina and I, I want Sally as a friend, a good friend. I really enjoy spending time with her and discussing ideas and plans; that’s not so wrong at all, is it? I felt relieved to learn she does not have plans to move away from Halifax anytime soon.
Karina had made supper and I ate quickly as everyone had made plans to get house warming supplies with Mohanad. He drove us to Canadian Tire and we bought plastic and weather stripping for the windows and a small space heater. We had the heater going in the living room while we all watched a movie (Night on Earth‹had seen it before but Mohanad, Courtney and Rebecca and her sister Sarah hadn’t, so we were outvoted. Still have yet to see Annie Hall: they all watched it earlier today) and it didn’t seem to do much. It might be a different story in the basement. I’ll try it out in a few days. After New Year’s. The last minute plans for me seem to be materializing into the following: watching the Juniors at some sports bar, then going to a Heavy Metal party with Rebecca and Mohanad, then the Marquee to hear the Joel Plaskett Emergency, then maybe ending up back at the Khyber. Any or none is a possibility; almost anything can happen on New Year’s Eve.
-chris
DEAR PM 